Thursday, January 03, 2013

Fever tinted vision colors and rhino porn

The adjoining apartment is refurbishing. It is loud. From early morn until late dark I am assaulted with banging, scraping, and thumps. Without sleep I gain a fever. Fever is my friend. I lie all day getting a few minutes of sleep before sound slams me awake again. By evening the fever has grown. I am delirious, and am talked down from throwing everything out the window. Fever brain thinks if I appease some god, the sound will stop.

When my fever gets high the world turns different colors. The left fevered eye tints the world yellow and the right fever eye tints the world a blue-green. Ohhhh look: yellow room, green room, yellow desk, green desk. I wave my hand from one eye to the other for fever spectroscope vision. Look, yellow scowling Linda, green scowling Linda. She wants to know why I haven’t eaten. I want to know when my room became a tilt a whirl.

In the end Linda has to feed me because my hand and eye aren’t coordinating. The fever is like a taser to my nervous system. I watch a DVD film from the library: The Cabin in the Woods. This turns out to be a variant of Dale and Tucker versus Evil involving college kids and a cabin in the woods. I don’t know why America has so many films about college kids going off into the woods to be chopped up. Perhaps it is because they can drive at 16, but only drink at 21. If they lowered the drinking age, perhaps less people would be chopped up.

It turns out watching a horror film while having a high fever is not a good thing. Not only am I not sure what is real, but will likely be seeing all the horrid things by the bed later. I need to drink fluids. I decide to watch TV on the computer, something nice. I find BBC is showing David Attenborough on the Kalahari in Africa. Is this going to be nice? A dung beetle fills the screen.

I remember how David Attenborough focuses on odd things. One Imax film about Safari David Attenborough goes on and on about Leopard sex and how it happens thousands of times. And then he tells us, the family and children watching the show that the yowling is because the males penis has barbs on it. I think David isn’t getting enough.

Kalahari means ‘thirsty land’ and the BBC shows meerkats, cheetahs and springbok. The pace is good for eating toast and drinking hot apple. The black rhino shows up, and stomps off everyone else at the water hole, including the elephants.
I am trying to memorize the shape of the black rhino, as I have been personally irritated that I mix up white and black rhinos. The large front horn makes me say, ‘B for big horn, b for black rhino.’ New night cameras allow BBC to film Rhinos in total darkness. At night, they are social around the watering hole, not the irritated Rhino under the 40-degree sun. We see a female literally jumping around like a colt. There are two male suitors. I am holding my toast, dizzy and muttering, “Please no Rhino sex, please no Rhino sex.”

The sex is prolonged, lots of mounting, lots of comments from David regarding the sex. I just wanted to eat toast in peace. And a full vision minutes and minutes of Rhino porn isn’t it. I turn off the computer. Not being able to fast-forward is the problem in watching TV online. Yes, let Rhinos have sex, and let David Attenborough watch. But I don’t want to watch. Even when I'm not fevered. Don’t want to watch Rhino porn while munching on Rice Crispy squares.

I read the Zombie romance Warm Bodies instead.


Anonymous said...

Just lost my long comment because I hit the wrong button. Grrrr.

I'm glad your fever has gone down and that you were able to sleep today. While I can't imagine in being fun having a fever, I did enjoy reading your commentary about it.

Yeah, David might not be getting enough. I sure wouldn't want to spend much time watching rhino porn - whether fevered or not! Thanks for posting the picture of the area, sans rhinos. Wow, it certainly looks very dry.

I could never get into the movies where college kids go out to the country where you know they're going to get killed off one by one. Although, I appreciated seeing the highlights of the other movie you referenced which spoofed it.

Was your zombie romance better than the horror movie and the rhino sex?

Anonymous said...

Cheryl here

I am hoping you have been able to sleep and recover from the fever. I wish you quiet, happy, dreams and no rhino porn.

I think you are right and David isn't getting enough. His fascination seems extreme.

Thank you for this wonderfully descriptive and evocative bit of writing!

Baba Yaga said...

North American sensibilities vs. British? Dunno. I tend to think Attenborough's the more adult (in the non-euphemistic sense) take on wildlife programmes; most others are more child-oriented and coy. But still balancing fairly well with the expected sensibilities of the audience: the pink birdlet is rescued before being eaten, and the sex is just part of the way species survive.

Rhino by starlight were fascinating, I thunk. Mind you, just the starlight was: that expanse of sky and wash of bright stars alien to dwellers in street-lit lands. (Or just cloudy ones.) & the little dung beetle snippet rather delightfully comic.

Mind you, I was watching it as an antidote to the harrowing effect of The Magdalene Sisters.

Regarding noise - argh!!!! My heartiest sympathies. Fever, too: it does very strange and often very unpleasant things to the mind.

Zombie romances? New one on me, but then I choose my urban fantasy based partly on its not being primarily romance... (Or having elves/fairies in it - especially fairies spelt with a supernumerary E. Patricia Briggs is allowed fairies, but only in moderation. Quite a few people are allowed romance, also only in moderation. Unless they're Georgette Heyer or Jane Austen, in which case I simply bow before mistresses of their art.)

Neil said...

MORE noise? Isn't the construction across the street enough? Or has that finally finished?

Can you wear earplugs or earmuffs to reduce the sound level? Or maybe you do that already, and I've just forgotten.

Despite the fever, your writing is still better than most people's ever will be. I'd certainly rather read you than watch David Atteborough's wild animal sex films. Yeah, he definitely needs to get more himself!

Bab Yaga: try Charles de Lint's books. He mixes Celtic and First Nations (American Indian) mythologies, and somehow makes it work. He says his work is science fiction and fantasy, which he now calls mythic fiction. There may be faries, but there are also Crow Girls, goblins, and characters that became quite real to us as we read everything of his we could find one year. My Beloved and I especially recommend his book Jack of Kinrowan, in which he retells the story of Jack the Giant Killer, placing it in modern-day Ottawa Ontario. "Trader" is also a great read.

Beth, I hope you can sleep and get some decent rest.

Love and zen hugs,

JaneB said...

Yeah, Nature Films traditionally set upo the expectation of being perfect viewing for all the family... imagining all these embarrassed people watching rhino porn with granny sniffing disapprovingly and a bright, curious little kid making connections you'd really rather they didn't always makes me smile during those sort of programmes.

Lovely descriptions - your writing is excellent as always, even if you are noise-assaulted and fevered.

Tina Russell said...

I have weird reactions, too, to prolonged sex scenes in nature documentaries. It’s so strange how humans having sex can’t be shown at all on most TV, but the camera can linger on animal sex for minutes and it’s “educational.” ...I don’t know, maybe I just want to see Discovery Channel do a documentary on the mating habits of the herds of hot, naked women who roam freely across the jungle, stopping only to shave at the Lakes of Foamy Lather or to pull apart a bird with their teeth for food. ...Wow, I should pitch this show. I’ll boldly venture out into the naked-lady jungle, to become one with the native population, like Jane Goodall, only all my clothes will come off. Heh heh...

...Sorry, what was I saying?