I finished the 10K of the Terry Fox. They closed the race when Cheryl finished her 5K. The participation ribbons were gone. The organizer drove back to let me know the road wasn’t closed anymore. I went faster the second 5K, ending at 2 hours 45 minutes.
Thanks to the six people who sponsored me for the Terry Fox run: Alex M, Sarah, Kate, Lene, Cheryl, and two anonymous donations. Due to the whole run being done by volunteers, there is no overhead fees so all the money goes to cancer research, treatment and quality of life.
We are having an odd heat wave here, up to 30 C. in many places, so I got quite sunburned, even with lotion. I think Linda must have as well. I wore a ‘Sweet and Toxic’ top over a sports bra. I have a plan and plan to reverse the edema mostly by creating only muscle mass and no fat. To get my natural body fat down to 8 or 9%, something ‘unhealthy’.
It is hard to know what is healthy when your own GP won’t see you and is a pout due to my not dying and getting off his list like his other palliative patients. So no exams, or blood tests or anything at all. It is why I am leery of taking more pain pills; if something goes wrong, how can I feel it if I am over pain medicated?
Being in this twilight place makes me act like it doesn’t matter what I do. It does. I pay the price, which might be passing out all the time, or falling asleep and not waking for 22 hours. But when no one shows any concern at all, then what difference does it make? If I can figure how to live with a heart that can never be recorded without 30-50% erratic beats and no one cares one way or another, then why should I? Same with breathing, with bleeding, with overheating, with everything. If people around can be cranky, irritable, silent, surly and they don’t feel every off beat of their heart and don’t have feelings of drowning every few minutes or reflexive gasps because I mentally forgot to breathe, then why smile?
I do smile, and try to not raise my voice, I am mild at last because for others nasty is a luxury, while I have a wall of hard and cruel and anything which can see beyond that is something to smile about. And when I can’t see beyond, then I just fake it. Regardless of religion, or even atheist or agnostic, the goal of reaching the aspect of love in our interactions is a goal; not to those who ‘deserve’ it but to see the best possible in everyone. As famous atheist Thomas Jefferson said, “Every human being must be viewed according to what it is good for. For not one of us, no, not one, is perfect. And were we to love none who had imperfection, this world would be a desert for our love.”
We are jammed on funds, having so much to pay off from the ‘lean years’ that though we can go to Seattle the next week, because it is technically high season and rooms are $140+, I don’t know if that is going to work or not. It sucks. But if life wasn’t hard all the time, unrelenting for years, then…….. (shouldn’t there be a lesson here?).
Blogger has put in the ‘new’ interface which takes me four times as long to try and get things look as they used to – it is ‘better’ and the choice to go back has been eliminated. Joy.
Sometimes I choose to do what is hard, because what I live in already almost unbearable; I want to know what can be bourne.
2 days ago