Sunday, July 29, 2012

I was to go outside, I was to...

I was to be outside, I just needed to have a quick nap. Except that the two hour ‘nap’ the day before had turned into six hours, the ‘nap’ before that had been 10 hours, the ‘nap’ before that seven hours. Indeed, Linda, who is the accountant of time, can’t remember the last time there was a two hour nap. Which is why if I didn’t have one in just two hours followed by an overnight sleep of five hours, then she would go without me.

I really wanted to go outside. But my body really, really needed sleep.

She woke me up after an overnight sleep of three hours. She decided to have a nap while I was sleeping and forgot that when the alarm for her goes off, I am 22 inches away. It saddens me that when we changed to this positioning three years ago that she still doesn’t remember.

When I got to sleep, I slept and slept and slept. I had asked her to please use the alarm and help me up. She didn’t and so I slept for 22 hours instead of 8, or 12. Which would be unexpected….but that it had occurred three days before, and two days before that, and three days before that, and three days before that, and two days before that, and two days before that…. Maybe the expectations aren’t working anymore.

I want to live. Linda hasn't told me any plan except 'as soon as you get up (on your own, and get to the study, on your own, since that's where the walker is unless Linda is using it as a clothes rack), I'll do your patches' Same patches I begged her not to put so high. Begged and begged. 'Next time,' she said, looking at the chemical burn standing raised, 'I won't put it so high'

But, as we can’t afford more than 2 sets of cold packs, I have no choice but sleep 8 hours or start to overheat, which literally bakes everything in me, like sticking a pig in the oven. Long pig. So, I sleep 12 hours a night at least 2-3 times a week, and I need sometimes to be in bed for 2 or 3 days, but we have no prep to allow that, despite it happens and has been happening for over six months.

Sucks don’t it. Particularly when neither the health authority or the GP will do anything because they decided I should be dead 4 weeks ago.

Onward the Olympics.


JaneB said...

You must be very frustrated! Hope the heatwave passes soon and gives you a little more flexibility - and that you both find a rhythm that works for you

Neil said...

Screw the Olympics. $15 billion to let the IOC officials spend their time in $2000/night hotels, and live the rarified life that I can't even imagine. Meanwhile, the athletes train barefoot or work fulltime while they train because they can't afford to do what they aspire to.

I hope the heat breaks for you there; send it here, 'cause I love it. Ain't sorry, neither.

I hope you can bot hget your groove back!

Love and zen hugs,

Baba Yaga said...

Oh, lord. I hope the heat breaks soon.

It seems there ought to be a way to make things cohere, doesn't it? So that it's not all catching up with the way things are now, and being taken by surprise by their not being as expected. - And being so busy coping that there isn't room for really getting to grips with the new pattern and strategising for it. (Even if it stays stable long enough to be the same pattern that you've got to grips with, by the time you have.)

I hope at least you have patches in a non-painful place by now. Decidedly a priority, those.

Olivia said...

That just sounds so frustrating, I mean, none of us has control over time (I often wish I did) but the way time sometimes disappears for you and the erratic hours must be really, extremely difficult. Hope the heat eases and that that helps a bit.

Nancy said...

What kind of cold packs do you need? [Could you put them on the Amazon wish list? :)]