Tuesday, April 03, 2012

Reflections of a sunset

Here is a picture a Japanese couple took of Linda and I, a week or two ago. I am standing, sort of. And honestly, while being able to stand helps getting pictures, it exhausts me like someone stabbed me and the fire inside is bleeding out.

I am leaving in a day or two to go to Sakura-con. I’ll be using INDY there, as I am too tired to wheel. That was the plan and I was supposed to take several weeks resting. Only that didn’t work out. Beauty treatment on Saturday, but too ill to go, then did some packing Sunday. Late Sunday I got fevered, got irasable and irrational and maybe all three of those go together. But I was very sick and dizzy and thought that ‘this was it’, and gave some goodbye messages.

That wasn’t final goodbye.

But I am still very dizzy and weak. And still leaving in a day (I lost a day or so somewhere).

Funny how I am now walking, of sorts, and standing; yet I am terrified each day in hopes that this is not the day I fall down and the organ failure starts. I don't know the last time I haven't had a daily nose bleed AND seizures AND stroke of some kind. But, if Linda can help us get all the crap into the van (I think we were supposed to be packed yesterday), there is, if I can recover, a possible trip to Olive Garden in the future. It is Linda’s fav resturant, so if you know a coupon, please speak now!

With new management or policies at Sakura-con, I am split between the gothic loli fest, and the fun things like free concerts and the Grand Masq (the h.nauto fashion show is an hour in the MIDDLE of the Grand Ball, on another level, and if you don’t go to that, then I can’t get into the signing – for someone who sleeps and wakes up two days later, this is all a bit overwhelming and seems heavily tilted toward the stable bodied, if not the able bodied). Plus, I can meet with the guests at a opening day meet and greet……for a FEE. I can go to tea and see gothic loli wear……for a fee (and it states that the space is SO limited no dolls will be allowed to attend, so a ‘pack em in’ party?). I have mixed feelings, but I would love some new underwear, I have no melon soda, and haven’t been to a USA store for a year: a hard year. So, here is to hoping I don’t end up in hospital.

Coming home, Linda needs to finish the tax return to get a new air con so that I don’t die the first heat wave, as the air con in the Study was toast two years ago, but it limped on…till Dec, when it died.

I am still selling some region 2 titles as well as some region 1 sets on ebay, and will off and on for the next month (raising funds).

I don’t want to die.

But I want living to be more than this. I would not wish a single day of my life right now on anyone.

I had not seen the sun set for over six months, so I took this, which, like me, is a splash of reflected colour. I am not in any way special, and I have not done anything special. I did nothing you or anyone else could not do. My only value was in reflecting to others that they mattered, and that they were special and capable of starting and doing ideas only limited by their mind; not those limits told to them by outer and inner voices. You are the sunset, in all glory. I hope you don't forget that.

For those who wait as I work to contact, write, send packages, yes, with time and pain it takes to respond and send something just for you, because you are unique, and valuabled: I apologize.

I updated my wishlist. I added some ‘furry’ books, though I could use recommendations. Also some films that had interesting trailers. I will talk to Linda about medical stuff I need; a triangle with a ceiling attachment is one thing for certain. Then I will add that too.

I took over 50 pictures because Linda said that she could never get that pink hue or the true sunset colours in a picture and wanted to. We saw humming birds doing a spring mating ritual in the air between getting the pictures.

This is the Totem pole in the Beacon Hill Park. I needed the walker to get this picture, as I couldn’t get it with the wheelchair. The eagle usually nests in the trees around it but for the last few years has nested closer into the park. This was done by the great grandfather of Jason Hunt, who did the carving Linda has on her wall. Thank you for helping me get that for her birthday.

I am trying to send out 200 invitations by May 15th, to join me in having a good day, a happy day doing something that you would not normally do, in hopes for something special to happen. It is my birthday, and if I reach it, I will do something unusual and hope for something special to happen.

Life should always be about planning surprises and looking forward for special things to happen. My life has been quiet too long because I forgot that, so: 'shame on me!'


JaneB said...

What lovely pictures!

All very best wishes for a successful trip to SakuraCon - new underwear, melon soda, pretty girls in costumes...

The bird cherry tree outside my window is in bloom, even though the rain and wind are scattering the petals like snow, and it kind of reminds me of you - defiantly being its best self whatever the world throws at it! Happy travels my dear

Lorna, Bob and Liam said...

SakuraCon, woot!

We are heading to Vancouver later this month for the last Stargate convention... somehow, being squeeing fans doesn't quite jive with Bob and I being over 50; at least Liam has the excuse of being an adolescent. Mind you, it's our fault he's a Stargate fan... whatever. :-)

Your determination to live, and live as well as possible, is as always mind-boggling.

Our minds and hearts will be with you for this trip... it is a lovely time of year for the drive... enjoy what you can live for even more.

Much love and happy trails,

Lorna, Bob and Liam

Linda McClung said...

I love your photos Beth - especially of the sunset. It reminds me of that Roy Henry Vickers painting you and I both wanted but could never afford.

The totem pole in the park recently had a facelift. I believe it was Jason's father and/or uncle who did that. I think we are very fortunate to have such beautiful works of art and nature so close by to us.

I have been praying your health improves and the dizzies go away so you can enjoy the trip to Seattle and Sakuracon itself.

I'm determined to get the van packed tonight with everything (even INDY if you're willing to part with it for a few hours before bedtime).

Here's to good health, good days, good photos and good memories.

Lene said...

Is it already time for Sakura-Con again? Hope you have a wonderful time - I'm looking forward to seeing the pics!

Gorgeous photos. My favourite is the reflected sunset. Your light is like that.

Anonymous said...

hang in there
you live, you love you inspire and you are
It is enough


thoughtsofabipolarftm said...

you have a great vacation, can't wait to see the pictures.

Kate J said...

Hoping you and Linda have a wonderful SakuraCon. You need and deserve a break... in every sense of the word.
Love & peace

Neil said...

Pretty girls, cute guys, wonderful costumes... may you have a great trip, successful and happy meeting with H. Nauto, and grap manymany photos.

Beautiful sunset photos!!
Love and zen hugs,

Neil said...

Pretty girls, cute guys, wonderful costumes... may you have a great trip, successful and happy meeting with H. Nauto, and grap manymany photos.

Beautiful sunset photos!!
Love and zen hugs,