13 hours ago
Monday, February 06, 2012
I can’t get the heart to work. I know it doesn’t work, because that is what is causing the edema: 1) in the extremities until I exercise, which helps for 2-4 days and 2) in the torso due to autonomic heart failure. But when I sleep, the heart is steady, and now it isn’t anymore. I chose short days, 6 or 4 or 8 hour days instead of 14 hour days because I was constipated and I needed to get the impacting which would hospitalize me dealt with. I eat enough to give energy and sleep to give strength for the intestines and the six things I do to keep that going. I got that clear, but now my heart won’t work. I can’t sleep from the pain of my heart, it shakes the bed. I didn’t have reserves, so I made sure to eat at least twice a day. I didn’t have the edema dealt with so I exercised every 6-9 days for weeks, and the 72 hours of pain that came with it. I haven’t seen the sun or rolled around outside for fun for over a month. I don’t do puzzles, I don’t do anything except focus on what I need to do to survive. I have strong veins, I have the exercise, stomach and intestines are now almost regular, after a two year struggle. I can’t get thinner, or better, or fixed. I am in pain all the time to make sure the effects of painkillers don’t depress the lungs or cause greater constipation. And now, when it is all in balance, my heart it hurts SO much, I can’t go a second without the pain hurting me. When the heart goes, it all goes.
Posted by Elizabeth McClung at 12:02 PM