Pain day, day lost. I couldn’t sleep much, and couldn’t use my arms. The last pain pills ran out. The last two hours was just waiting, waiting. You didn’t like the reception, or didn’t realize that even light hurt, and sound hurt like someone punching my kidney. You said before sleep you did know those both hurt, but you walked out anyway, to the far end of the apartment. And me, still without able to use my arms.
The first thirty or forty minutes I thought you might come back, and resisted, until I started crying. I don’t know how long I wailed, but I knew you went to the far end of the apartment so as not to hear it. I called for help and even after the care worker came, they never came to the calls for help, or to check on me. You had them busy following orders.
I don’t know how, after 9 hours of being awake and five of awake, helpless and then knowing you choose not to do anything, your complaints on being tired and how I should go, go somewhere else to ‘amuse myself, while I sleep’ could hurt more than the physical pain. Or how many times the few people or workers I see, those who don’t even know the names of the pain medications I used, because they don’t have a single other client whose meds are so high complain about some pain, after leaving me waiting, or after dismissing my pain. It is hypocrisy to ask me to care about you, just because you know I will, or complain, and then ‘forget’ pain meds for me, or caring what happens to me at all.
The one common feature of care workers and medical staff is how callous they have universally become. It isn’t that they can’t bond with people, it is that they don’t want to bond with the likes of us, as there is no upside for them; just learn to take the money and go.
All 50 lots are up on ebay and here, and if you know someplace near Victoria with a set of used tires with good tread, that is what much will go towards.
16 hours ago