Sunday, June 05, 2011

Worth the effort?

Ha. Hard day, and got some help breathing. Thanks. The heat is growing and some of the new meds are changing me. The edema is coming off of me in pounds, my lower legs are thinner than my knee cap and up top I think I got downgraded from B cup to A cup. I literally change every night, collarbones back and clothes hanging. I'll try to get a picture tomorrow after boxing. Is this good or bad? As Linda put it, it will be easier to move me when unconscious. Easier to wheel the 5K too.

I know, we know this is my last couple months, maybe a year or 10 months if I am really lucky. But there are times, like when I fall backward into the darkness and I stop breathing and they are working on me and when I open my eyes twenty minutes have passed. And the times two people are working on me or four people, or the ER, with machines hooked up everywhere and I think, "Am I worth all this effort?"

Then I think, "I better be." Like Milton says there are some who only sit, but I have little patience to wait. I box. I write. I exist, and that is worth fighting for.
Been listening to Mumford and Sons: four guys (including a double bass player) who are like a rockin' Maddy Prior/Carnival Band - I recommend full screen if your connection can. As one comment says: Guys with beards make good music!


If you decide you want the album (like I did), it is on Amazon for $9 (As they are from the UK it is 8 pounds on Amazon.co.uk - so a bit of a bargain for the US).
Or get Sigh No More download
- all 12 songs for the same price. (329 five stars)

17 comments:

Dawn Allenbach said...

You are most certainly worth it. I love you, and because you're not ready to go, I'm not ready to let you go.

Neil said...

Dawn's right: you are worth it.

Love and zen hugs,
Neil

Lorna, Bob and Liam said...

We got your postcard (palm trees on Refugio Beach, CA, looks like a "retro" card) - you're most welcome for your birthday gifts, sorry we couldn't wait to see you on the day.

My son Liam loves the video... he kept bouncing up and down saying, "I love these guys! I want to hear them! I want to go where the video was filmed!" Etc. Guess we'll be downloading the "Sign No More" album. :-)

As always, wonderful to read your voice...

Linda McClung said...

You are definitely worth the effort Beth.

And I'm amazed at how your body shape has changed this last week. Yay for less adema! Boo for shrinking boobs.

I'm looking forward to hearing the rest of the CD. I really liked this song you have here.

JaneB said...

What Dawn says. And yay for less oedema, that must be a relief especially with summer coming

Noisyworld said...

SOOOOOO worth it :)
You bring elegant writing and contemplation into my life and I shall enjoy it as long as you are able :)

wendryn said...

Yup. You are definitely worth the effort.

*hugs*

Elizabeth McClung said...

Dawn: Thanks, I love you and I don't think I am ready to you, are you? Too much to do to die. I got to get racing.

Neil: Thanks and zen hugs to you. No comment on the beards?

Lorna: The group comes from South London.

Linda: Yes, I keep losing edema, I don't know why, but I am taking pictures. And exercising today. Yes, can't wait to listen to the music, the song was in my dreams last night.

Jane: yes, the heat wave last three days, couldn't nap due to overheating, had the ice packs right on me. But I am scary thin in my ankles and lower legs, like you could put your hand around my ankle completely when I wake up.

Noisyworld: thanks, in that case, I will write with passionate elegance. And verve!

Wendryn: thanks.

SharonMV said...

Dear Beth,
Yes, you are worth it!
I'm glad that the edema is going, you will feel better. Hope you don't get too thin - keep up with your eating.

Got a postcard today (chipmonks, squirrels & other little animals from the prairie. Such a happy feeling of love comes over me when I receive a card from you.

Sharon

Kate J said...

Liked the music! And talking of men with beards, when my Canadian cousin was visiting last week she played me a CD of singer-songwriter Valdy, who lives on Salt Spring. Seemed a pretty good guy on the brief intro I had... your opinion?

You seem in fighting spirit, as always, Beth - and you are definitely 'worth it'!
Love & peace

cheryl g said...

You are worth all my efforts and more!

It is good to see the edema dropping - another plus of the new meds.

Mumford and Sons are really good!

Anonymous said...

Keep fighting for yourself! Hugs!

Alex M said...

Keep fighting for yourself! Hugs!

Dawn Allenbach said...

I'm certainly not ready, or else I would have died under anesthesia last year when they were fixing my broken bones after the Wreck. Everyone was afraid my respiratory system would fail under six hours of anesthesia. I say, "Pshaw!"

Raccoon said...

Isn't Maddy great? This is the first I've heard of Mumford & Sons. The music is definitely my style. Might I also suggest Silly Wizard's "Ramblin' Rover" as one you might enjoy? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbxZNlYXJgM also has the lyrics. One of my favorite songs. And it's great for singing at weddings...

I'm going to have to agree with Dawn and Neil. When you are ready to go, we will accept it. Until then, you're stuck with us, because we think you're worth it.

Anime said...

Found this site due to the picture "http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_TcG4eEnbqW4/TJf2HW904GI/AAAAAAAAKP0/Ec6_3tA3IoA/s1600/pirate+day+a.jpg" - was searching for Bears and Mounties.. :) But having found it, and reading it, had to stop, and give you a warmsoft cuddle and hug. Yes, you are worth it!

Barbara Sutton said...

Mmm. You probably wouldn't ask the question if it was someone else. Oedema going down = good, decidedly.

Guys with beards make good music, eh? Hope it lives up to billing. (I'd have a listen, but my sound/graphics card no longer does sound, or moving graphics.)

Dawn: eek!