Friday, February 18, 2011

Beth the Dragon, Linda tames the beast: we rob banks!

After a few tough days, I decided to relax by going to boxing. A needed evil, healthwise which ended as a painful idea.

The class was small so we did ALL the time not doing sit-ups and push-ups on the heavy bag. This is not a good idea if, like me, you have muscles that tear like tissue paper. Somehow the idea that I access the muscle power, even when I am going ‘lightly’ to hit the heavy bag hard enough to tear the same muscles is odd. I did my 100+ sit-ups and 80 push-ups and several hundred combos on the bag (26 six punch combo's in a minute...ack, I am so slow!). Also I sweated a lot, whihc is sexy and good right? Sexy, like the commercials, and then I have a cold drink I slowly rub down my body or something. Only my care worker helping me with a shower was like, "My GOD did you sweat." and when I was trying to be sexy went, "Are you trying to drink that or drop it, I can't tell?"

Plus all that ripping up the muscles kinda hurts the next day, just to let you know (kind hurts that night, stops sleep and stuff).

So the next day (today), I move like a crab and I try to get sexy with a can of root beer and end up dropping it.

Also, where no nerves are has made some muscles atrophy so much that they are just covered with skin: the bone, sinew and blood vessels covered lightly over with skin, like a tent.

I have this compulsion to cut through the skin at a couple areas where I can feel the bone underneath, just to see it (is it always white?), and the blood pumping along. This I have been told by a couple people, care givers and those who care, is a BAD idea. All sorts of infections, sepsis and gangrene can follow – turns out curiosity can kill this kitty.

Linda was brill, she saved an extra pain patch though this morning it had NOT kicked in yet so I woke like a dragon, WHUMP, my fire breathing decimates a village, WHUMP, I burn down everything to the left. “AHHH, why are you making noise like the band section practicing?” I shriek. “T-A-L-K softly” I said with the intensity of my eyes bulging out of sockets as I seem to try to be strangling the care worker with my eyeballs. I had to send someone out of the room because the PENCIL was ‘too loud’ on the paper. WHUMP, the wild dragon girl has arrived.

Pain doesn’t make me pretty, makes me all want to eat the bitter, just to make it stop. Pain just makes everything loud and intense and I see myself being bitchy even when I don’t want to. And then, when the patch kicked in, which it did so noticeably that over 3 minutes, I went from, “AHHHH, why are you so confusing when you talk!” to “Ohh, this is really nice Linda, I really appreciate how you have put these tastes together, that was very thoughtful.”

Linda wanted to know what the patch was like.

I said, “Well, I still hurt and ache but……I can think complete sentences. Oh, and I now have control over the volumes at which I speak. I also don’t just howl at the computer screen when I can’t find a file. It is…nice.”

So, due to boxing, I have edema pushed back so much that I have a shapely leg again, and I can play with my boobies and feel more tingle than pain. Plus, I can be a tongue in cheek goth again and eat flowers and stare mysteriously (there is no fun being a ‘wanting to shriek all the time in agony goth’ because you’re not a goth, you just are...wanting to die). I am not sure where I can get the odd bonnet, or the amount of material – I guess I need sewing skills beyond mine. But I am good at eating flowers , which seems a requirement for all introspective angsty gals.

This is how Linda thinks of the patch and I think of the pain. Because Linda is about the ‘practical’ and ponders, and I just ‘ponder’. Which I am sure is good for something. Hold on while I eat some more odd stuff and get angsty while I ponder. Yes, look at Postcard Project post and how 'Nothing Matters': so deep, and gothy.

This is Linda and I to a T, as I am using waxing on mentally about how things connect and the the historical and human connections, how this feeling has universal meaning and Linda is looking up going, “Oh yeah, did I remember to bring the towels in from the dryer yet?” Hey, we all need people to care about towels being brought in from the dryer.

Meanwhile, I am high on a bit of hot sauce (the endorphins make me want to drink and either take my clothes off or kick some butt).

So thanks to Linda thinking about pain patches and laundry, I have a nice bed, and sanity, of a sort. I hope you have a good weekend. Linda and I are going to carve up the town, starting maybe with the banks, then onto robbing other things. But first off I want to find out exactly what kind of webbed panties she is wearing – I told someone yesterday, I would try anything once, twice really, except for some sexual positions (once is enough to know, ‘Yeah..um, no, that isn’t doing it at all!’). So you have a kicking weekend!

13 comments:

Neil said...

Goth Beth is much better than zombie Beth. Thank you for not finding out how you're put together, and watching blood flow. Gangrenous, septic Beth would definitely NOT be good, or sexy.

Love and zen hugs,
Neil

Bonnie said...

Yes, definitely thank you for not opening up your skin. Rotting flesh ghoul Beth would not be sexy either. Ever noticed how vampires are sexy but zombies are not? Let's not go there.

Eating flowers? That's partly from manga, but is it also because you have had things like nasturtiums in salad and such? Have you ever had violet creams? <---finally getting around to the IMPORTANT question

I read about them in a Terry Pratchett novel, and always wondered if there really was such a thing. A friend assured me that candied violets are made and used in confectionary, so I knew that much.

However, a new local chocolatier opened up, and one of their (many) flavors was violet cream. OMG drop dead sexy good flavor. I can't believe how good violet tastes as confectionary. I've had quite a bit of rose, as I eat Indian food a lot, but damn violet beats it hands down. <--this is me ranting orgasmically on about violet cream. Sorry. I got carried away.

But it's good to hear you beat back the edeam a bit and got some pain control.

Anonymous said...

Hi Beth. You don't know me but you sent me a postcard once, and I got it on the day I was feeling lowest so God was with you and your postcard that day!

Since you are curious about the insides (from a cut), I have a personal story. I accidentally cut myself once. Well, I accidentally do stuff to myself all the time, I am klutzy. My joke is that God must have been watching Three Stooges reruns the night I was conceived.

Anyhoo, I cut myself accidentally once, it was not a big cut, it was on the hand. But strangely, it evidently was not in a place that has lots of blood vessels, and it was very deep -- to the bone.

I have a morbid curiosity so that's why I'm telling you. I could see bone, tissue, muscle. MY bone and tissue, not some horny teenager's in a horror movie.

It was all very very white. It hurt just a little bit, and it was about an inch long, and it healed just fine without stitches. I was quite dumb in not going to the doctor. I was afraid stitches would hurt. The cut didn't hurt so why would I worry about the stitches?

But I guess, the thing I'm saying is, it was very fascinating to see "inside" me in such a graphic way.

Well on that note we won't discuss my colonoscopy and endoscopy, where they didn't give me enough anesthesia and I was awake and very uncomfortable the whole time, but I did get to watch inside me on a television. The doctor did not appreciate it when I said "Now I know what the guy from the first Alien movie must have felt."

Oops I guess I just discussed it. Helpful hint: absolutely NO spicy Mexican food for three days after your colonoscopy. OUCH.

Also, I had sinus surgery that got infected and stunk to the heavens like rotted garbage -- they had to go in and roto-rooter my nose to fix it. Now that was painful and gory and yuck.

Hope this was nice-n-gross! (Gross is cool.) BIG HUGS!

Kate J said...

Goods to hear fighting talk from you, Beth. Boxing is not my 'thing' but it sounds like YOU really like it, which is what matters.

I've just got back from a rare treat, a drama performance in our village hall, by a professional touring company. A treat now to become even rarer, as the company, Theatr Powys, has lost ALL its Arts Council funding. Living in mid-Wales just got a bit bleaker... I guess the 'powers that be' reckon we've got beautiful countryside and fresh air so we don't need culture.

And thanks for another lovely postcard which arrived today...
Love & peace

Love & peace

Elizabeth McClung said...

KAte: a 3-d postcard, right? Does the Welsh National Opera come near you, they used to be a travelling opera. What I have been reading about the DSA, it seems back to dickens time, as someone 7 months terminal, with cancer, even on chemo is still 'qualified for work' and should be actively seeking a job. And if you can pick up a pen, you can hold a job - haha. If only employers thought the same way:

Interview: "What are your skills?"
Job seeker: "I can pick up a pen...oh yes, I can put my arm over my head."

Also, you can't know if you like something if you haven't tried it yet, unless you have tried it yet. That's what I used to think about yodeling, that is wasn't for me - but now, that has all changed.

tinarussell said...

Yay for being sweaty and sexy! About the cold drink thing, it is great to try and infuse some sexiness into everyday things, isn’t it? It’s a shame some people don’t get it. It sounds like Linda does, which is great!

I’m glad the patch and boxing have helped you feel a little better.

I understand what you mean about the practical vs. pondering thing. I’m a space cadet and always trying to relate everything I see to the whole of the universe and to whatever I saw on TV last night. I need someone to help me remember things like getting the towels out of the dryer... (Did I mention I have ADD?)

wendryn said...

I'm glad you made it to boxing!

Please don't cut...I really don't want you to have gangrene. That would be bad.

I'm also very happy that you are in less pain and have a little more sanity. That helps sometimes! :)

I hope you continue to do okay. *hugs*

Bonnie said...

My postcard came today (thank you) after I had already posted. You said that crocuses and cherry trees were blooming.

My husband called me to the window today to show me that the snowdrops had just bloomed. They are the first ones to bloom here in Ohio.

Raccoon said...

Reminds me a little of, I think, "Dirty Pair." One of them is all organized and calm and the other is kind of high strung and scatterbrained.

Actually, the space police in "Oh My Goddess" match that formula as well...

Bonnie, does your chocolatier do mail-order?

I think the saying goes: try anything once, twice if you like it, three times to make sure.

Bonnie said...

Raccoon, it's Le Chocoholique, and here's the URL for anyone who wants some eye candy!
http://lechocoholique.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=frontpage&Itemid=53

It's located in Columbus, Ohio, so you can google it if the URL doesnt' work. They have some lovely photos and a dreamy list of flavors, and do take phone orders. Internet orders coming soon according to the site.

They ARE pricey; $1.75 per piece and up, so for that kind of service I'm sure they would mail you.

Or, if you feel you can trust me, send me your PO box or addy and I'd mail you some.

I have a much smaller version of the Postcard project: I mail chocolates and other treats from local shops to my friends. I've sent out tea (Beth recieved some), coffees and nuts (from a 3rd generation family owned business).

Let me know. Beth, you and Linda too.

Baba Yaga said...

Pain doesn't make anyone pretty: it is the reverse of ennobling, however much certain romantic types might wish to think otherwise. The patch, though - anything which can have that effect is a Good Thing.

I'm glad you resisted the temptation (which I entirely understand) to look inside yourself.

Noiseyworld said...

The bone colour thing: I remember watching a CSI where the body's bones glowed in the dark as they'd been taking tetracycline as a growing teeager, I remember that as it made me want to find out if mine did too! Not quite enough to cut though, I've always been a wuss which is a disadvantage when it comes to chronic pain :(

Lene Andersen said...

Yay! I love really good pain meds. Amazing how they can stitch you back together.