Friday, December 24, 2010

Father is with a pod of whales and Mother just came from space: Xmas time is here

I went to the library a day or so ago, and found a few books (and DVD’s, I now have anquishing films about coal miner strikes and conditions from China, Poland, Canada and Japan - ALL of the DVD's on Coal mines have won awards – I didn’t even know Japan HAD coal mines?). My cheeks are not rosy from good cheer, but that is a warning light: “This head may explode, please stand back!” – I wish, it is more like I slump over and get wheeled away. But if I connect the overheating to a bomb connected to my neck...then I would get that cool warning...and a headless torso. I overheat twice a day at least.

Since then I have been busy...yeah, doing good works, reading manga, and, performing miracles plus getting really depressed from these DVD's about using coal for electricity (go solar, go turbines!). Also I'm recovering. Turns out, wheeling down, two hours sorting stuff, hauling it all home, then sorting it and some other stuff, cleaning the house, and doing and the photo taking and I can’t remember but more stuff and it all went a bit 'ug' for two days after that.

I hope your Xmas preparations go well. I am practicing how seductively I can get naked. Linda says we are going out to someone’s house but I’m practicing anyway, my chances of getting some are limited so I hope Linda finds the extremely SLOW tease of stripping (like five minutes or more) to be highly erotic. Go go Gadget Neuropathy! (oh, now that I think about it, did Inspector Gadget have an assistance dog?)

My family is enjoying the Xmas meeting in their family home in Buenos Aries, where my father gets his yearly stipend as a ex-KGB hit man, and a CIA double agent. Too bad I can't attend.

I could say that I don’t know where my parents are, and I will all alone, which makea this a traditional Xmas dinner and pathetic. See, I won't say that, because while this COULD be sad and pathetic, I have decided to be the rather strange child in the corner who turns adversity upside-down by claiming impossible things about my parents (Mine arrived back from the International Space Station just in time to do exercises for the Red Planet mission in the Desert) as they can’t REALLY be disproved, right? I mean they aren’t here, so that’s how I know they are studying the seasonal migration patterns of humpbacks using a submarine. My brother is the helmsman. I know deep down in my heart (near the slushy stuff) if they could convince a pod of the whales to come this way, we could all be together, but I realize that my sacrifice is really humanities' gain. Besides, after that they will have to infiltrate China to make an assessment of emerging markets (after the cold war ended, the need for national spies decreased so now my parents are corporate spies for Proctor and Gamble).

So I will be listening to whale song tapes (see, they sent me those, that’s how I know they are following the whales). And if I listen just hard enough, I can hear them through the hull of the sub, just like the letter they write:

Dad (reading a book): “mmmm..cheese.
Mom: “Yes, I got it at Trader Joe’s, the American’s have such inexpensive cheese. Plus the banana’s were only 19 cents a lb.”
Dad (Knee Deep in Banana’s): “mmmmm.”
Mom: “I’m glad you liked them, I got a couple of deep freezers and marine fitted them for only a couple tens of thousands of dollars and now the 80 lbs of banana’s I go will stay ripe. Think of the savings! It is over $20!”
Dad (turns page in book): “mmmmm”

Ahhh, our Canadian tradition, as individuals write letters about our savings per item or meal to relatives back home. I cannot imagine why the Europeans have not several men and women of letters, whose journals are must read on the Oxford syllabus? I, for example, can use my grandparents journals to trace the savings on early bird buffets back for over 20 years, along with whether the Lawrence Welk show was good that week or not. I. on the other hand. write in my journal the cost of toilets as I travel around the world (the closer you get to Ephesus, Turkey, the more it gets, until it is about $5 or so). Unlike Linda (a.k.a. the Camel), this is critical information: particularly the countries which use black lighting in the loo so your pee glows in the dark!

So..yeah...very busy.


yanub said...

Japanese coal mines! Yes! Horrible places where lives were short, but the economic backbone of the countryside! Most are closed now, and that has contributed to the depopulation of rural Japan, especially in Kyushu province.

Ta-da! With that, I have completely exhausted my knowledge of Japanese coal mines.

I'm not sure how to connect this with whale pods, though.

You do look about to burst in that picture. I hope that the fire quenched itself, or relocated to some part of you that needed the extra heat.

wendryn said...

I hope the fire cooled off!

I'm glad you are feeling better, at least a little.

I like whale songs...

I'm a bit off tonight, not much commenting, but I wanted to at least stick my head in and say hi.

SharonMV said...

Dear Beth,
Dennis & I will also be on our own for Christmas as we have been for - can't even remember how many years. But at least my relatives do come upon the rare occasion. My sister came to visit me last summer - took the train up from San Diego where their boat (think yacht) was berthed. No imagination at work - they were sailing their boat down to Mexico & around Baja!
I'm not sure I like the fictionalized parents any more than the real ones. Notice I don't even call them your parents. Though they now provide a few grim chuckles (is that an oxymoron?) Still not accepting any excuses - they could jet up a pop in for a visit.

Glad you got to the library, but please get some happy DVDs too next time. And the cheeks are very rosy indeed. I hope you are recovering from the excursion. I get the rosy cheeks too - from my Lupus rash and/or from fevers. I'm so glad it doesn't portend an explosion.

I hope you have opportunity to preform and Linda appreciates her Christmas gift. I hope you are together & able to enjoy the day.

Dennis still has to go to the store tomorrow (today really) to get groceries for our dinner. This is Chloe's first Christmas as we didn't really have one last year, so present time should be fun. Calliope (one of our previous cats) used to get her present out of her
stocking and tear it open (maybe catnip had something to do with it). I'm sure Chloe will have fun with the wrapping paper!

Love & Merry Christmas,

Anonymous said...

Merry Christmas ladies

I love you have a good day

Kate J said...

Hope you, Linda (and Cheryl?) are having a good day... and wishing you more good days to come. You have each other, so you're not alone, and you have friends out here in cyberspace also wishing you well. Can't think of anything original to say at all, but then Xmas isn't noted for originality.

We all have our own traditions - when I was a kid,back in the early 60's, my Dad used to have this LP of carols by Harry Belafonte, which we'd wake up to on Xmas morning. For old time's sake, I just got it on CD, and you know, it still sounds good!

Love & peace

Cereus Sphinx said...

Merry Christmas to all of you.

We've got the Christmas tr... Bush decorated with lights and it looks beautiful. Christmas is pretty much going to be me staring at it. I got your presents, too. Thank You :)

Pictures will be forthcoming later...

Love you.

Raccoon said...


I don't think putting bananas in the freezer will help them last.

This post had me tipping my head and squinting my eyes and saying "wwha?" a couple of times.

Whale songs make for good meditation music, though.

Baba Yaga said...

On the whole, I think family should be kept well away from christmas, whereas seduction may be the pefect seasonal sport.

Mind you, my ideal is to spend it with a large heap of library books, and all reminders of 'festivity' firmly blocked out. It appears that I'm in a minority.

Lorna, Bob and Liam said...

Merry solstice/Boxing Day/rainy season! I hope the festive seduction went well... can't think of a better way to celebrate.

Oh, and Baba Yaga! You can be festive AND read... yesterday morning after the obligatory gift opening we ate Finnish pancakes and strawberries and whipped cream... while my husband, my son and myself all sat at the table reading our library books. A perfect Christmas brunch, methinks.

Much love as always to you, Beth, and Linda... Cheers!

tinarussell said...

Hey, most strippers take 2-3 songs, if I remember correctly, to get naked. That’s _longer_ than five minutes. You’re good, Beth!

Isn’t practicing getting naked wonderful? I need to do more practice. My girlfriend seems to think I just make myself look silly when I try to be seductive, hmmph. I’ll get better!