Friday, November 05, 2010

“A Breath of Mayhem”: the new Daughters of Anarchy (and tea…and pocky)

I sit here eating pocky.Actually, I'm not as I have run out of both berry pock and dark chocolate pocky (men’s pocky – bah, remind me to have that changed my town – “Pantyliner”) So have to fix the pocky issue. Oh, I am selling the last 64 lots of manga on Ebay (condition NEW to Like NEW books) by Sunday, which will fix the pocky problem, but not enough for the new Indy hand control motorcycle.

Motorcycle?

Oh yeah, we doubled my pain killers. And it seems to work cause the ‘Crazy Eyes’ Elizabeth Fucking McClung is back!

I decided after watching a trailer for the TV show ‘Son’s of Anarchy’ that a) I need to start a really cool motorcycle gang and b) definitely NEED my own town (“Some people just find they aren’t welcome here” – from the trailer). Okay, I know ‘Pantyliner’ isn’t the best town name, but it scares most men, and indicates things are going to be down and dirty: yeah a little bloody! I will probably change it once I find a better name (“Welcome to Carnivore”, “Second to last Hope”). So a NEW ride and of course I need the guns,because I'll have to shoot the road signs (I don’t know WHY people shoot road signs exactly, but I don’t make up the rules, as a road rebel, I gotta shoot up road signs) and ride with my bats and styling cows’ skull on the front of my bike!

I went boxing yesterday and did 80 push ups and 100 sit ups, 40 of them vertical (my legs up in the chair, my body on the ground, face to come up to knees and back down). Then I did heavy bag. I got Linda to time my 1 minute ‘mad minute’ rounds. After a few warm ups, I timed 197 punches in 60 seconds (yeah the last 3 bug me a bit). Then as I kept doing the rounds, I felt myself slowing down. I asked Linda to time me again. “141” I counted when she went ‘Stop….....oh wait, that was only 50 seconds, you have 10 more.” Oh, too late. I was kickin it. Then Linda said, “We better go home a bit early.” Everyone was still hitting the bags, all 24 boxers. And that’s when I passed out. When I came to….we were in an empty room. That was a very twilight zone trick.

I was getting in shape for my days of Mayhem and loan sharking (I'll carry a calulator for the hard stuff). Sort of like this cheerful video from Gunslinger Girls.
So, I read The Good Witch of the West, where it starts with girl and boy friend (Firiel and Rune) and Firiel goes to ball, gets mocked and then her ‘heirloom’ from her dead mother shows her to be a contender from the throne. Pretty standard girls fru-fru story right? Well, not exactly as she gets thrown in the deep end, saves Rune (post torture) and ends up going to a Girl’s Academy for Nobles which is full of assassins and has both ballet and fencing classes (you know, for deportment and a good backhand slash to the throat). I think because women are in power they are called ‘witches’ – at the academy there is a very good class on ‘seduction techniques’ in the book. There is some ‘wink wink’ to girls liking yaoi (which naive Firiel seems to miss) along with LOTS of girl/girl yuri including some kissing with the fencing instructor (WITH Firiel….which she seems a bit clueless about). Plus Rune is trying to convince her that she may treat him like a harmless brother but he isn’t (he grabs her breast, makes out with her and tells he has MORE experience…..so she better watch out!). Firiel instead of a shriek is thinking, “More experience? But we grew up together, where did he get MORE experience?” and then remembers the NEW yaoi story by the daughter of the noble she is staying with ‘The Red Haired Knight and the Black Haired lad” and goes, “Ohhhh! OH! No, Rune, sometimes you should really say “no.”

So, lots of fun at the academy (she gets thrown out - So on to court!). And what is a 'wild girl' without lots of cross dressing, Rune as Runette, and Firiel as a boy – the luggage for these two must be huge! It is fun (oh, and I am selling the manga series in ebay by Sunday – but if you get the books, I will send you the anime series on Disc – it is similar but different – so let me know!).

Anyway, somehow Yuri action (like the sword instructor made Firiel’s ‘Knight’), gender bending, intrigue, saving the kingdom, and of course a dash of yaoi is like sherbet for me, it just cleanses the pallet. I awoke this morning…er afternoon and thought, “Why Elizabeth, why don’t we try to start the apocalypse today!”
That’s me in a good mood. Gosh, I've missed the "What are we going to do today Elizabeth?" Why try to destroy the world, of course! days, haven't you?

I also thought about becoming a ‘Grim Reaper’, so I could lurk outside of late night clubs in my wheelchair with a scythe going, “Yeah, drink AND drive, that sounds like a smart idea to ME!” Then laugh in low creepy tone.

Or convincing everyone to wear ‘fox spirit’ masks on full moons and start taking school in the middle of the night!Why not? Linda told me that our dictator (Campbell) for BC stepped down two days ago (wow, fired the government, in debt, nothing working, the solution – leave it for the next poor shmuck!), so this is Anarchy town now (with still some very good high teas!).

But then, after reading about a nation of women in charge, and seeing that trailer, I am totally into creating a town of biker gals, or gals who like to fight, or scrap and of course drink tea and chocolate, maybe a bit of bread baking before going out on a ‘Thunder Ride’ So quick, hop aboard and lets go find this town!Though the idea of an entire town having a period on schedule could be scary. I’m talking about those days right before if we happen to run out of chocolate or batteries for vibrators.

See, people think women aren’t scary, and it is that fact that makes us scary. We are 51-52% of the planet and we could PK, or ‘Team Kill’ anytime we feel like it. Just be thankful that we like gardening and knitting more than provoking. Because otherwise we would be THIS little Red Riding Hood (I have those boots, but I love the rose imprint thigh highs).She, she punked those wolves and owns them. And what is she taking to grandma? Hard liquor and hand grenades (click on the picture to see for yourself) – yeah, pink lolita with guns to match (I do like the goth cross on her .44 holster, gotta find one of those for me). Yeah, Oh dear..."I'm just a girl!"
So, if you don’t want to hear of my Breathe of Mayhem spreading far and wide, um, send pocky. Yeah, but keep me on these painkillers, they rock!

I’m outta here, I’ve got a scythe and I’m off to do some loan sharking and warn people against the perils of jaywalking.

19 comments:

Baba Yaga said...

Never mind scaring the men, that'd scare me. I've never liked women that much, certainly not en masse. (Come to think of it, people en masse are a bit bothersome, regardless of sex.)

I like the idea of your grim reaper act. Just, don't go getting frostbite doing it! (Or beaten up. Which seem regrettably possible. But it's still an excelllent *notion*. Do you think one can google for purveyors of scythes? Don't think a sickle would quite have the impact, even though they're symbolically and in terms of sharp edges pretty similar.)

& just hello.

I hope you're not paying too much for your exertions. The room-clearing trick's an interesting one... but definitely a bit of a bummer. No after-boxing social life, then.

Elizabeth McClung said...

Linda says, "I'm worried they are going to think you are as high as a kite."

me: "Has it been so long since I joked in that kind of way?"

Linda: "Yes, I do think you'd make a good Grim Reaper"

Beth laughs in a dirty old man way - "heeh heeh heeh, no, you're right, those seat belts are a waste of time heeh heeh, and yeah, who needs a safety on a chainsaw anyway. heeh heeh, Yeah, that gun doesn't need a lockbox...who ever heard of accidents in the home? heeh."

Linda laughing, "I shouldn't be laughing at this, it is kinda sick."

Me: "Death has her own humor, wanna cig? heeh."

JaneB said...

You do 'sound' kinda high - bI don't blame you, pain relief that works?? I'd be bouncing off the ceiling too. So pleased! Just hope it doesn't encourage you to overdo it too much... EFM and sensible are NOT good buddies, but they need to work at it...

cheryl g said...

Doubling your painkillers certainly seems to be making you more… exuberant…

It’s nice to here from EFM again!

Oooh, count me in for your town. Girls, guns, motorcycles and souped up cars – what’s not to like? I vote against naming it Panty Liner. How about “Hormonal”, that’s a word that seems to frighten men. I do think it would be best to always have a large, emergency stockpile of chocolate, batteries, motrin and heating pads. (I love the picture of the motorcycle girl.)

Boxing is good but passing out is not so good.

I do like your version of being a grim reaper and I think you would make a good one. I’m sure you could get a scythe in Alberta somewhere. I could get one but somehow I don’t think I would make it through customs.

I really like the picture of the pink loli rgirl with her guns and basket of hard liquor.

We are sooo keeping you on these painkillers!

SharonMV said...

Dear Beth,
So great that EFM is on the loose again. Glad the increased meds are working. Most people with bad chronic pain don't get high from their meds - but pain like that keeps you so very low. Living with the pain, even if you can function, you are really like a shadow of yourself. Your spirit & personality don't come out. It is like being high though, when you start to actually feel no or significantly less pain, because you've forgotten what that feels like. It is an altered experience. After a long time in pain, it is like a new experience.

Sharon

Lene Andersen said...

I'm in! I've always wanted to be relentlessly rebellious and the total bad ass. Well, to let it out in the open more often than I do now.

Nice to have you back, EFM.

wendryn said...

That sounds terrifying. Fun, bit terrifying. I agree with Baba Yaga about people en masse. Not my best place.

I'm really glad you got to go to boxing! The passing out part is not so good.

Yay for good painkillers! You sound much more alive, even if you are a little high. :P

*hugs*

mental mosaic said...

Pantyliner, that's hilarious! Pantyliners with wings are what I find scary, personally, or at least utterly annoying.

I'd suck as a grim reaper... Smirky reaper, maybe, ginning reaper, perhaps. I just can't keep a straight face, even when slinging a scythe.

Glad the painkillers are killing some pain! :)

Bonnie said...

Oh, yay for proper doses of painkillers! 'Pantyliner' is funny, but I like 'Hormonal' better. What better way to warn the men? "I live in Hormonal, wanna make something of it?"

And, of course, in Hormonal, all our pantyliners have wings - we all have F14s in our pants! Fear us!

Laura said...

Beth is back, Beth is back yipee!!! I second what Cheryl said "We are soo keeping you on those painkillers!" I can't tell you how happy I am to see EFM back. I don't care if you are high on pain killers, it's good to have you back.

Love you all,

Laura

Lorna, Bob and Liam said...

Wheeeeyouuuuuweeee! It all sounds good to me... I'm voting for Hormonal also for the town name, though. *grin*

Glad to hear the pain meds are working. Jayzus, it must be like getting out of jail... no wonder you're giddy.

Happy for you, hugs as always!

Raccoon said...

I've seen video and pictures of three different wheelchair accessible motorcycles. Yeah, kind of cool. They shoot the street signs for target practice. It's kind of hard to have a riding & shooting practice at a gun range, don't you know.

"Good Witch" sounds like fun.

I would say "You realize that they are standing on train tracks, right? Oh, but you can see through them, so maybe they are ghosts?"

And goth Lolita there looks pretty good to me! I'm not sure about the BDSM wolves, though.

Good show on scoring the pain killers!

Baba Yaga said...

Relief, when it's deep and powerful, and being high have some very similar characteristics; and you were overdue some relief. If that makes you a little high, good. 8-)

e said...

Hello Beth,

I would join your motorcycle gang anytime! I loved the tea you sent. I loved the Grim Reapers on a television show called Dead Like Me. See if you can find that it is worth watching. Best to you, Linda and Cheryl.

Neil said...

Beth, sweetie, the problem with a scythe (from your point of view) is that they were designed to be used while standing up straight.

I'm all for you using one, of course, but, well... Oh, heck; go to http://www.scythesupply.com/ and you can buy one if you need to. The good news (for you; bad news for your and Linda's budget; REALLY bad news for the rest of the world) is that they give instructions on how to measure yourself to fit the scythe. Then they custom make it for you, and your height.

And knowing you, you'd find a way to make a scythe work from a chair.
Now picture me running away laughing maniacally at what I have created!

Sounds like you found some very good painkillers. I hope you don't overdo them too often.

And NO MORE CLEARING ROOMS!

Love and zen hugs,
Neil

Denise said...

Elizabeth Fucking McClung, you are a badass extraordinaire and you made me nearly snort my tea. I propose we go on wild rides about town --I'll bring my (pedal) bike (though I'm a bit wobbly on it) -- passing a bottle among the lot of us, carousing happily in the street. And you The Grim Reaper, mistress of ceremonies! Nice weather for it.

I would totally come live in a town called Hormonal, especially if I could do my mad science gig and either teach science or run my cafe (and possibly teach my alchemical style of cooking there). Pantiliner just doesn't have the same ring to it, but I'd visit anyway, probably giggling madly.

I am thrilled to see the pain meds are helping, finally. You seem more boisterous and happy, and your wicked sense of humor is about again. Hopefully you can break 200 in boxing practice next time. And preferably not pass out, because that's a cruel trick from the body, it is.

Elizabeth McClung said...

look we have a whole gang!

mental mosaic said...

We are totally badass!

Anonymous said...

Thath grim reaper will be perfect whit demon wings and tail *-*