After long careful thought, as linear as thought is with a high fever (yeah, seems that having 8 hours without a fever doesn’t mean taking a training run in the wheelchair is smart) – linear like a fractal – I have re-diagnosed: Zombie
1) Zombies can’t feel nothin’Ramifications: I could live a long time, and it would explain my bad typing skills. However, I need to find a city overrun with my kind, which in movies seems very likely, but then also news reels make many grunge and garage grunge bands look/move like zombies too – all unfounded, after many attempts to find zombies in Seattle.
I have peripheral neuropathy (can’t feel nothin’!)
2) Zombies though they lie around underground look tired
I sleep 12-18 hours a day and look tired, and wake up with purple fingers (alternate diagnosis: vampire)3) Zombies randomly bite people
I randomly nibble on Linda (there is even some ‘attack nibbling’)
4) Zombies are defined by their uncoordinated lurching
I have uncoordinated lurching and arms, fingers, head that aren’t that coordinated either
5) Zombies are hard to understand in speech
I am often hard to understand in speech
Plus we are both messy eaters!
Bonus: Zombies wait around forever then attack
I wait around in specialists offices forever and then am often restrained from attacking (and fantasize about grabbing a few certain specialist and shouting the short phrase ‘Brains!’ plus ‘Got any?”)
I need to, according to tradition, eat ‘Brains’ – though where one finds a unit to dispense brains is difficult, is this something an RN should be present for? Unknown. Arg! ARG!! “Boobies!……er…I must mean BRAINS!”
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18 comments:
Well, now, that does explain a lot. But it could be vampire. The classic kind, not the modern sparkly kind. The kind that lurches and looks like it just climbed out of the grave and has an aversion to noise and light.
Or that could just be me with a migraine.
That's it. We are hordes of ravening undead, and you are our leader.
I'm often awake most the night & having Lupus, I never go out in the sun. Maybe not Undead, but definitely Unlive or Unlifed, as I have no real life. just put me down as one of the horde, great leader.
Sharon
Beth, I'll see if I can find some brains for you. There were plenty available during the Bush-Cheney reign of terror, though they were of poor quality.
Undead, hmmm? Well, it might explain a few things... like the fondness for corsets!
Jane: you have been OUTTED as a Buffy fan - like you could possibly make a reference to willow dressed ala corset and I not have that memorized. "She so...eeww, and....and I think she's GAY!"
Buffy: "Oh sometimes where you become a vampire your orientation changes."
Angel: "What? No! That's not....." trails off as he get the look o daggers from Buffy. "Yeah, that can happen."
The reference was to alternate world vampire Willow and when willow tries to impersonate her dressed in a black corset she goes, "Ack, I can't breathe, I think you HAVE to be dead to wear one of these."
I'll would go for zombie but your too eloquent, the ones I've seen only says HUHHHHHHHHHHH. (we have them at work, especially on monday mornings)
So I'll bet on still human. Very much so. Take care.
Brilliant. That explains everything.
First, let me commend you on your excellent and APPROPRIATE diagnosis. Clearly, you know more than the MDs. Secondly, I'd like to suggest that you find a reliable source for excellent quality brains. You don't want to eat any brains that come from, say, alcoholics or anything like that. My sister Beth deserves only the best brains than a zombie can eat!
Yanub -- Yeah, the Bela Lugosi kind!
There's an annual Zombie Walk in Toronto - maybe there would be more of your kind here?
Do the brains have to be human? If not, I'm sure your local butcher could help you. After all, with human brains, there's that risk of contracting Kuru, but since you already have a neurological disease, maybe the two would cancel each other out like in math where two negatives make a positive? Hey, have I just stumbled across a possible cure???
Dear Fearless Leader,
You are the first vampire that I've ever liked...I'd lend you my brain and my corset, which I only wear when the sun goes down, but both are in use at the moment...I'll hunt for spares when I get time. Medication prohibits me enjoying prolonged sun light, so I may be joining the horde, too.
Hugs to you, Linda and Cheryl.
My first thought: bad day? I snorted about the messy eaters, but then the MDs comment got me chuckling. Even my husband, who honest to goodness has no medical common sense though he cares that things are diagnosed and fixed if they can be, pointed out several things wrong with several of my specialists' reasoning.
But if you're a zombie, why do you and your friends and readers make me feel so alive?
Well I think we finally have an accurate diagnosis. If you aren't too picky about quality there's a large supply of brains over here in skary town. It is obvious a significant part of the population isn't making any use of theirs.
This is definitely my favorite diagnosis. I don't think you'll find many brains in some of the specialists' offices you've already visited, though!
Here's hoping for a break in the fever.
*hugs*
Would I be considered strange if I said the girl in the last picture didn't look that bad?
Ah! I thought I had it! A MP3 titled "Monster in a Wheelchair." Hrm. Nope, doesn't say anything about brains.
Wrap some bandages around, and call yourself a mummy?
At least vampires know how to fly...
My newphew and his girl friend who live in the basement, are obsessed with zombies. When I tell them I know a real life one I will become the bestest uncle of all time
When I was younger I was nocturnal, I have the long hair beard thing going, I lived in the bush, there were wolves etc ... so yeh, I was more lycanthropic than zombie
I would offer you a snack, zombie, but the way my brain is lately, I'm afraid you'd go away hungry
Zombies in Seattle? I think I remember that movie! No, Beth, I don't think you're a zombie - much too good looking! A vampire, now, just maybe... I loved the pic with the bats! So, it'd not brains you need, but BLOOD!
But zombie, vampire, werewolf (no!) just keep being who you are, EFM! A lot of us out here - well maybe not a lot, but a select few - are still rooting for you.
Back in the real world, I can't believe you don't have a GP, I mean over here people have a RIGHT to a GP... at least I think they do...
Love & peace
I have a benign brain tumor that you can have once he's removed. OM NOM NOM! I named him Leonard. He don't bite, but living with him is a real fucking headache. He is just killing me. My kranium just doesn't have room, so he needz a loving home, or he'll be on the streets :.( -Erik L.
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