After long careful thought, as linear as thought is with a high fever (yeah, seems that having 8 hours without a fever doesn’t mean taking a training run in the wheelchair is smart) – linear like a fractal – I have re-diagnosed: Zombie
1) Zombies can’t feel nothin’Ramifications: I could live a long time, and it would explain my bad typing skills. However, I need to find a city overrun with my kind, which in movies seems very likely, but then also news reels make many grunge and garage grunge bands look/move like zombies too – all unfounded, after many attempts to find zombies in Seattle.
I have peripheral neuropathy (can’t feel nothin’!)
2) Zombies though they lie around underground look tired
I sleep 12-18 hours a day and look tired, and wake up with purple fingers (alternate diagnosis: vampire) 3) Zombies randomly bite people
I randomly nibble on Linda (there is even some ‘attack nibbling’)
4) Zombies are defined by their uncoordinated lurching
I have uncoordinated lurching and arms, fingers, head that aren’t that coordinated either
5) Zombies are hard to understand in speech
I am often hard to understand in speech
Plus we are both messy eaters!
Bonus: Zombies wait around forever then attack
I wait around in specialists offices forever and then am often restrained from attacking (and fantasize about grabbing a few certain specialist and shouting the short phrase ‘Brains!’ plus ‘Got any?”)
I need to, according to tradition, eat ‘Brains’ – though where one finds a unit to dispense brains is difficult, is this something an RN should be present for? Unknown. Arg! ARG!! “Boobies!……er…I must mean BRAINS!”