Ah, the toilet. We had chosen a room which had a Japanese toilet. The manager called the day before and even tried to talk Cheryl out of it, dancing around the wheelchair issue. I motioned for the phone.
“Hi!” I said cheerful, “This is the cripple!”
“Um…is there a problem?” I asked.
They wanted me to take the ADA room, but I explained that we had a friend who had not yet experienced the um….pleasures…of a Japanese toilet. She really wanted me in the ADA room and I convinced her that I really wanted a toilet that looks like it has a button for ‘Eject’. She did give me a nice shower bench though.
Well, part of being disabled is being disabled all through the body and after an airplane flight and a few days of busy, I was constipated. Cheryl had earlier tried one of the two jets (one anal, one for the front – why or how guys use this, I don’t know – and no, there is no blower) and found that dripping wet, whether the water was warm or not wasn’t the greatest. Also, the toilet has a downslope like it is trying to slide you off, which is consistent with those used to using slit trench toilets. So here it goes.
I was on the toilet (toilet water jets can be turned from hot to very cold – same with toilet seat warmth). I had, after reading a bit of manga relaxed enough and done some rocking, relaxed enough to have my first major movement. I said something like, “Yes, the gate is open!” to Linda to let her know I would soon come to the nap. “The gate” is our slang for the constipation. Just as I said that, being weak I slipped over and somehow some part of me hit the anal water jet button. So my recently opened and relaxed anus was abruptly hit (and entered) with cold and forceful stream of water. It was so sudden that I had a screech going into hysterical laughter (I mean, I never used ANY of the buttons in case something like this happen). It was crazy, it was just the thing that happened to me. I waited for it to finish, laughing. It didn’t, it just kept going. And as Cheryl said later, “Oh, I had turned the pressure volume on that jet up a lot this morning!” (Why, Cheryl, oh WHY?). So between the laughing and looking down at this inescapable cold jet I was saying to Linda, ‘It won’t stop, it won’t stop.” And then I looked over and there was a GIANT red button under which read “Stop.” Linda came in just as I pushed the button and the assault upon my rear brigade ended.
“Um,” I said, biting my lip in embarrassment, “It stopped.”
“Good,” She said, “How did you get it to do that?”
“I pushed Stop?” She was laughing by this time, because I guess I looked so bedraggled and was mutter, “It just kept violating me!”
Later Cheryl was reading the attractions of the hotel spa and the ‘purifying colonic’ was one at quite a cost.
“Been there, done that!” I told her.
And I’m actually lucky, we have the ‘simple’ model of the Japanese Toilet. The one at the Ghibli Museum probably would have had me in the air like one of the cartoons.
Today we flew to the big island, so it was returning rentals, getting to the airport, and going through security. Here is Dee, who checked me, and swabbed my hands to make sure I was not going to blow up the plane. I took her picture because I wanted people in the UK and Canada to see that YES, there are US security agents who do NOT have guns. Most do, but these ones don’t. Dee was nice.
The trip was below high altitude and sort of an aerial tour of the islands, reefs, and deep blues of the coasts of the Hawaiian island chain. Very beautiful, and realized I simply did not have enough time.
We arrived to find a cruise ship had taken all the rentals so we hung at the airport. After getting the van, I was beat, just totally beat and lost track of a big chunk of time. They stopped the van for some reason, probably the not breathing one. Turns out I am not AB, and going full tilt like I am isn’t a long term solution.
We arrived at the accommodation I had found, down a lava road (and I thought dirt roads were bad!), rated #2 out of all rentals in this area. We have over an acre and a half, and due to it being off season, and my finding a site which did a further discount, even lower than from the owner, we ended up with this lush topical estate and a three bedroom house with washer/dryer for $45 per person, per night. As opposed to $3,000 for a weeks stay at most places.
Inside was decorated in Asian style with lacquer and a full kitchen, towels for the beaches, a roll in shower, and full hardwood floors along with a BBQ and a deck with seating for breakfast. Here are Linda and Cheryl, as Linda plays with a rain stick left for us (And with Hilo, rain does come!).
Nothing like having a home cooked meal while watching the sunset over your lush tropical home. I had found a base, and after almost 4 hours of sleep, I was ready to plan for tomorrow. I hope to see the valley of the Kings, but it depends, like so much, on the weather. I’ll let you know then.
4 hours ago