Sorry for the delay in posting, I have been fevered, blind, and been prioritizing (plus squirrels). Okay, I am in DESPERATE need of socks and knitters or people who can direct me to someplace other than Sock Dreams to find specific socks.
But first, let’s look at some cute squirrels. I went out at sunset, about so it wasn’t as warm, to see if I could find some squirrels. Linda came with and there were a lot of young skinny and skittish squirrels and a FEW fat and black squirrels. This squirrel wouldn’t come closer but liked to stand on its back legs. Who am I to deny it pleasure (a peanut and standing up).
This was a very greedy and very aggressive squirrel that sat on Linda’s lap and ate a peanut (pics of that in a bit). So after Linda it climbed up my lap blanket to come and see me. Which was nice because I was a wee lonely.
After it stuffed itself on the peanut, the quickly came back and then took not only a triple peanut shelled, but then tried for another peanut in its mouth. You can see it adjusting. Sadly this was the last we saw of this perhaps visionary but person incredibly like a professor with too much energy (someone from the sciences) who simply ran around with the peanuts looking for a perfect place to hide them. He hid one but then ran here, sniff, no not good enough, ran there. The last we saw, he had run across the full field and into the trees still with the peanut in his mouth, not wanting to eat it but still trying to find the perfect place to bury it.
I hope I make sense because I have a fever, and my fingers are purple. But the REAL problem is SOCKS. Yes, here is my last pair of Tall Girl Socks, which as you can see already have three to four holes and will last a week maybe. I have sort of two different colors of socks: those that go with blue (since I have only two pairs of jeans, both blue) and those which go with a black bra and tops that go with that, so red with black, burgundy, a hint of black, whatever. I had a lot of the ones from Tall Girl but that was over two years ago and I think because my hospital bed is inclined so I can breath, my feet or heels get worn. I don’t know why. But these are my last socks, except for a pair of gift socks I am using to hold out until I can find some.
Why is this a serious problem? Because my Reynaud’s in my feet is FAR worse than in my hands. Similar in fact to people with Diabetes Type II (I think that is the amputation type. You can see here that I have such poor circulation that blood has pooled in my ankle by the bones, but the toes are not receiving enough blood and two of them are often black. Also, if the foot is bent to go on the footplate, the veins burst and bruises appear. But I don’t feel that. That is one problem. The second and third problem is that a) I have large feet due to Marfans, a genetic disease which creates large hands and feet and b) I can’t feet my feet BUT I get frostbite at 15-17 degrees C (yes, above zero - about about 60-65 degrees I get frostbite, very BAD frostbite). That means my black toes could get frostbite, very bad frostbite INDOORS and I would not be able to feel it at all...for days (that is bad, and leads to being called, "Elizabeth One Toe").
So I am asking, begging all Knitters to help me; I will try to gift or pay though some sort of barter system to help me with socks. I have been advised that socks are hard and that the Yarn Harlot is right now doing a conference on socks. Because I need socks that are thick, but can still get into shoes, so they have to be warm, particularly in the toes, and have a defined heel, not just a long tube as that will slip off and I won’t feel it. I am US size 12-13, depending – so 12 wide (is that like 10-11 male, I don’t know). I am 10.5-11 for the UK and I am 45-46 for the rest of Europe (I think the 45 is the standard – that is the size of my converse, and size 12 or 11.5 mens is the size of my pumas. I usually have to get a size bigger because as you see my little toe is far down and widens the shoe.
So, I hear that the problems in making the sock are going at that heel, also I need to have stripes as shown in the sock above - that is good for the blue color, or mixed color, some sort of beautiful skein with dark red, purple, deep blue and black would be perfect. I need dark socks and blue orientated socks. So whatever really. The problem is that I simply will not wear a sock that does not match, even though my feet will hurt so bad that I will actually feel them. Like Yellow. I won’t wear a yellow sock. Sorry. Bright red only. Won’t wear a Red only sock, or a green only sock. Because I am a slave to fashion; how can I have a morbid threads top, my skull headband, skelekitty earrings with my blue skinny leg jeans and converse skull and black shoes with Yellow socks in between. But I really am desperate for socks. So if you want to email me at email@example.com or just put in the comments if you are interested in knitting socks (I know, the second one is boring, I am sorry!) – but they need to be long, not size 4 or 6, they have to be 45-46 or size 11.5 mens/13 woman’s or UK size 11. And have a heel. I am sorry I am picky and desperate. Here is my “Oh please, please pretty please” look with extra kittens in the background to sway you! To anyone who offers to knit BOTH socks (please, not just one!), thank you so much, thank you!
I love Sock Dreams but the socks are too thin there, with winter coming and fall, and my poor circulation, I need to avoid amputation with socks. And yes, I COULD buy men’s work socks except….they don’t match. And really, I want to match, I want to have cool socks (a skull would be nice!). Is that so evil? If you know where I can get some winter, long wide women’s socks please let me know!
Okay, my health is very poor. I have had long discussions with Linda and that took energy; having and struggling to communicate so we love each other takes energy. I wish I was using energy on THIS (hot lesbian intimacy), the nice sexually satisfying kind (notice her socks have holes in the heels too!). But I want to have a great relationship AND then some of that (and then a bit more of it...). Except with all the communicating I ran out of energy, and reserves. But I kept going. Then I had postcards I needed to do, so I worked all day yesterday, and also packages, and I stamped and I stickered and I worked until 7:15 a.m.
By 5 a.m., with Linda asleep, My right arm wouldn’t work and when I finished at 7:00 am the little bit of light I could still see with, a little circle, was pretty much gone. I was blind. And I stayed blind until late today (Neuroblindness is an odd thing). The day before I could not use my right arm or side of my body. And I have had a fever for three days off an on, right now it is on and has been since Friday night. So I hope I am making sense. Because I have it pretty bad fever wise. I have a fever because my body is too weak to regulate my tempature. I had a fever when I wrote and stamped the postcards (so I hope they make sense too). Linda took them over and posted them, my second posting of postcards this week.
I am supposed to be in bed, either sleeping or reading manga and eating pocky to recuperate. Except the last post caused an emotional upheaval and news by Linda to me and I wanted everyone to know we are working through it day by day (I thought I was the cool one in relationships. So was I shocked to find that I was NOT Fonzie to Linda from Happy Days and had been reduced to Ralph? Yes! So talking about that). Now good things happening. Except I am not in bed, I am doing emergency postcards, fulfilling promises and stuff like that. I need to be in bed. Thank you to those who have sent me manga because you are real helpers of my health this week. Thank you, thank you. Because of you, I will try to stay in bed and rest, and make a new record (my record this week for awake resting was six hours – it was supposed to be three days).
If anyone else wants to send manga, now would be a really good time. I know I am not supposed to say that but I am very fevered, I have slept about 60-65% of what I should each day for a week, I have lost control of my breathing many times a day, and have to be revived and now I can’t control one side of my body and keep losing my sight. So I would like to stay put. I am a scared little girl who doesn’t want to read the manga if this is all I have for the month. The wishlist is here. I am reading Loveless, which has four characters called Zero who can’t feel anything (peripheral neuropathy) like me, so in one book, they get frostbite and collapse and never noticed it was cold. It has cat girls and cat boys, Yuri, Yaoi, love of all kinds and a mystery to solve. So Loveless is a good series (get 4 for 3 and free shipping! HINT! HINT!). Emma 9 about the live of servants in the Victorian times is good as well and also 4 for 3, as is I’m the Goddess 3 – the final book in the series about a Goddess, her servant who loves documenting sweets and a Uke who follows them around. Mixed Vegetables 4 is also 4 for 3 (about two children of chef's trying to become expert in the other kind of food, and maybe falling in love), and Otomen 3 (about guys who like typically girlish hobbies and reading romances) is out! Also, Nancy Drew Postcards, how cool is that! I say that because I sent out over 120 postcards in six days. So I am now trying to look around for more cool postcards to send.
Yes, that was shameless wasn’t it? But then people with fevers and black toes don’t have a lot of pride. Because trying to get up from peeing when you can’t use your arm, or undressing for bed when you can’t use your legs and have to be helped and are blind makes a person kind of desperate and shameless. I wish I was sorry. All I can say is that I will, as much as I can, pass on what I receive so that others may benefit, not just Cheryl but outward. I try to write down each name, and make sure that all who give, are also given gifts, and also those who need or I feel could use a gift, I try to do that. The socks however, I will keep.
Okay, quick check: Squirrels, socks, manga, fever, and taking time with Linda to put our relationship first (she says I am NOT Ralph, I am still Fonzie!). I think I covered it all. I hope once I rest, to be able to post more often, or post from bed. But getting those postcards out yesterday was all that mattered; I had food poisoning and a fever and I worked 22 hours about with a nap (plus getting Linda ready, and talking, and a medical appointment). I hope in the days ahead to do something that will make Linda happy and proud – get into BED and stay there.