My little world has cracked open, sadly. Linda can not sleep. I work until I drop. I have searched over again for a job (only opening ironically in the military for fighting forces – they already turned me down). Why the job? Because we had a co-line of credit and suddenly that person decided that my disease is a lifestyle ‘choice’ (like a game, but with death as the prize!) This coming from the person one would normally turn to, believe in; the one family member who was still speaking to me in town.
Linda has a good job as a government manager and is working hard to go back to it, months ahead of the schedule of her doctors and the government doctor. She wants, like me, to be part of something, and believes that will, if not help her disability, at least give her accomplishment. Plus her income will increase being off of medical.
The two years of medical expenses which are normally absorbed over a decade or two have stressed us, sucked out our savings, and yet, we try to go on. For example, the postcard project is now covered mostly by donations of individuals, I just need to do the work and Linda and I chip in financially our part too. And I think most know that I work as hard as I can, from waking until sleeping every day. The last days I have pushed myself further, sleeping five hours a night. It is not enough.
The problem is that with Linda’s reduced income on disability, we have depended on budget including a fund for non-covered medication, and the bulking up of medications before we ended up without a GP (ouch). This also includes off the counter pain muscle relaxants, gatorade and other weekly expenses. We knew that costs, particularly in January without insurance coverage, would go above that of our budget, and there would be a dip into the line of credit.We just needed to hold on. These costs, as the months went on, would be paid off as things even out.
Instead, just as we come out of the worst of the costs, that credit of thousands was taken away, and we are left without a safety net. We will try to find one, and another line of credit as with Booth-Gardner they seem to talk about multiple visits. So between my LIFE or a little debt this year (which if I die I pay off with my life insurance on death or if I LIVE, I get a job, or sell a book) I will fight for LIFE. To me, the person's act, while knowing that both of us are currently disabled, is without honor. That’s the nicest way I can say it.
You know that Linda is more than my life to me. And that to see her in pain, in any pain, is unbearable. I cannot fix this in a day or two, I am too ill. I could become angry or wish violence,instead I could do something hard. I debase myself. I will do anything for Linda. So, please, for Linda, if you can give to her/my medical fund (you click the paypal button - down a bit on the right) please help me to help her. If you want stipulation, you can put any stipulation on me you want, and I will attempt to fulfill it. Want me to post a picture wearing Miko on my head: donate and help Linda. All I care about is Linda and helping her sleep. If you want part of my skin, I will send it. I just want Linda to have a security cushion while we deal with this. Please. I said to myself that I would never do this: never ask directly. But for Linda I will do anything. Wouldn’t you for the one you love or your child? Later I will go out begging with a new sign. I am sorry and embarrassed you have to be part of this, and see this. But this IS what life is like sometimes.
7 hours ago