My "Oh SH*T!" moment, and why I did not go to the hospital.

Well, all doubts were removed this morning with the intense cramps faintly relieved by bloody diarrhea. I have to say that “Oh SHIT!” (when actually there wasn’t ANY shit at all, just clumps and streams and drops of blood), was my initial reaction. Later Cheryl came by to check for abdominal bleeding (rigidity), which set off ANOTHER round of cramps and yes, more blood and well, anal mucus (the anal loogy?). In fact, the blood over time actually got foamy. And boring.

It turns out everything gets boring, even shitting blood from the butt. It just makes wiping a really CREEPY experience and gives you insight into what eating ground glass might look like. Now before all the comments of “ARE YOU A F**KING MORON! GO! TO! HOSPITAL!” I need to explain my deductions.

1) The blood was not bright red, ergo near the exit, or in the last drop of the final loop, which would leave it BRIGHT red (nor hemorrhoids), and the quantity of blood was about .25 to .50 of a cup every few hours at maximum.

2) My intestines were reacting to any motion, like me moving into the wheelchair or Cheryl palpitating it. Apparently 12 hours+ of extreme cramps makes it sort of ‘sensitive.’ Gee, who knew?

3) My reserves were zero, if I could be negative reserves and not dead, I would have been. Every time I was moved to my chair or the bed from the toilet and back again, I would go into shock for 20 minutes. Uncontrollable shock.

Okay, I decided that IF I gave my intestines something to do, like have a probiotic and then eat very nice soft food, it might calm down. Since not eating anything for almost two days can’t be helping me. I also decided that the hospital would very likely NOT want to shove a camera several feet/yards up the butt of someone whose hands were entirely purple and on oxygen (and had an oxygen sat of 70% or so), with an erratic heartbeat (since dying while having a camera up the butt is embarressing to all!). Since that is where I was, and until I got some REAL rest, it wasn’t going to change. Also, I felt that risking a full grand mal, flop my entire body around, while having SEVERAL YARDS of stuff up my intestines would produce a serious problem. Right now I had a minor problem (because the pain, the cramps, and yes, the blood), ‘Why wasn’t the intestinal cut healing?’

I blame this on the anemia, which again, would make the hospital very leery of putting me out or doing ANYTHING to risk damaging me since I still have the injuries, including the bruises to my knees from the Hoh Rainforest, which I am told is almost three months ago or more. So, when a KNEE is counted as an ‘extremity that can no longer heal’, I guess an intestine is as well.

I had a pro-biotic, I had jello, I then, eventually had toast and was able to sleep. Now, being in pain and tired does not make me stupid, it does however make me HATE sitting in the bathroom (I seriously want to pain the walls red or black or something I hate it so much in there, call it “the room of pain!”). So I wanted to be “normal” again. So I had a ‘normal’ dinner after sleeping from a long nap. Turns out, two hours later that roughage is CALLED roughage for a reason. It scrapes your intestines, which just finally four hours ago stopped going into spasms when someone poked them. Then tends to make inflamed and barely healing intestines get grumpy, parituclarly when scraped with "roughage". Back to the ROOM OF PAIN!

The good news is that it is now 24 hours later and finally no sign of blood and now when I say, “Oh Shit!” I mean, “Oh SHIT!” – which is good, as I hope to sleep soon (another 5:30-6:30 am night). And that is why I did NOT go to the hospital. I did however do something STUPID.

Okay, um, have you ever been in long and continious pain where you go into 20 minutes of shock, you go into fevers, you have to be carried to the bathroom every hour or two for as long as you can remember (literally) and that is just ONE of your secondary conditions? How do I stay sane? One is that I look at beautiful things. So even though, my hands were shaking so bad I had to have my drinks opened for me from 20 minutes after waking. And I dropped, well, everything. And my whole body shook, and I was in shock for twenty plus minutes just from the TRAUMA of being moved; I looked at some Binsen. And it was good. This was my favorite today. I don’t know what to call her but um “Green Girl” or “Verdant Lady”, but she was nice.

The other thing I do is that I feel completely and totally out of control. I had been researching some art books, I found out that they are only sold AT the anime fests in Tokyo and if you didn’t go, you just have to try and luck out and get them. The only one I COULD get, costs….wait for it…..$112. I mean, it is a kick ass art book but still. So when I wasn’t on the toilet, I was hacking, trying different ways to find sites of people who had these doujin for sale. And I found one, but she was asking $9 shipping from Japan, for a 18-32 page color book (put out by a ‘circle’ of artists, some of which go one to become VERY famous and do major animation series, which makes their early works hard to come by). So I email and between trip to bathroom #29 and trip to bathroom #31, she replied and said the FIRST book is $9, every one AFTER that was $1 in shipping. So I started buying up Doujin Art books for $6 here, and $8 there, until I stopped and realized one little fact: yes, I was in pain, yes, I had no control and this was a way to feel in control BUT, I HAD NO MONEY! I had just spent all the money in the bank paying off my previous vendors. (Yes, go ahead and say it, it starts with S and ends with T!)

So, the up side was that I had gone crazy to the tune of $45-50 or so. The down side was that I was SUPPOSED to be putting on my big Xmas Manga sale to raise $400 for the trip to seattle, only I couldn’t because I was too weak to do anything (except click the mouse button on BUY apparently!). So instead of heading toward $400 of Green, I was $45 in RED. Please tell me I am not the only person to do this! I mean, I can’t EAT exactly to feel better when I am on the toilet every hour! So I told Cheryl and we agreed the best thing to do was “step away from the machine!” or in my case, close the ebay and ALL other browsers except this blog. And now we come to this picture. Now I prefer to think of this as the picture of me, all healed up and rested this weekend, ready to go out, with an eager look on my face and see squirrels as I wanted to do……YESTERDAY, and today! Not sure how the squirrels will love the tiger. But I WILL get better and go out. OR another way of looking at it, is me waking up to find that Linda has READ this blog (she had already gone to bed when I went “art book” crazy for $45-50), and is about to EAT me, or perhaps just claw me severely and then gnaw on my skull. Dunno. Either way, it is a very pretty picture. I still prefer to see it as two friend ready for adventure! But that’s the problem with Tigers.....don’t let them see your ebay bill!

I finish up with another sleep scene. Thank you everyone for your comments. I have only recently regained hand control. Actually for a period of time (a long time), I couldn’t even SIT UP, I was bent over my knees while sitting in pain, so responding to each person today was not possible. But that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate every single person’s comments. And I will try, if I get some sort of miracle energy tomorrow try to NOT blow it all and actually try out this “reserve” thing people talk about. By the way, that is me, rubbing my eye and rolling over; Linda sleeps like a log, well, a log that breathes (very heavily during allergy season!). I hope you have good heath and quite honestly I am TIRED of talking about things coming out of my ass, so let’s hope tomorrow’s blog is non-ass and blood related, shall we?