Thursday, December 04, 2008

Brain on fire and some action on the other end too!

Um, well, it seems I have a head “like a zoo on fire” to use a valley expression. Which means that I had literally fire in my brain for over 45 minutes. So it seems that we are either going to the hospital, at the hospital or going to play roulette at home.

Oh well, went with 'Plan Stupid' and played Russian Roulette. I am still alive. When I could write I asked Cheryl for nails, trip wires, knives, shotguns, and a few other things that indicated I did not think I was safe. She kept me occupied enough to be fed, and away from sharp objects. Here is a Binsen/Bisen I got in this week, which I am going to have framed for near my bed. It is beautiful but also indicates both what happen INSIDE my head, but also maybe just a bit about me. What, this isn’t what YOU see when you look in the mirror? You aren’t looking close enough.

The plus side is this: I am still alive. The down side is that everything that went in, came out. But first it had to go through a partially impacted lower bowel first. So, yeah, lots of screaming fun for HOURS (SCREAMING!), and for reasons I don’t even care about at this point, lots of dark red discharge mixed in after hour three. Sure, I COULD go to the hospital and have something rammed UP the same intestine that just was in hours of spasms. Or I could go to bed and hope that I am not seeping fecal matter into my abdomen and will get sepsis. As it happens, I am very, very tired. So, I will die of sepsis, as long as it is TOMORROW, or hopefully the day after. Because right now, I just want some rest, please, let me rest. Linda wants you to let me rest!

I hope you are all doing better than that; because if you aren’t, God help you (I certainly had a few odd prayers in desperate measures: “Oh God of Bowels, I know you get called better names but that’s the one I REALLY need you to pick up the phone on tonight!”).

Happier thoughts tomorrow.


Kirsty said...

I hope you get all the rest and peace you need.

Sending you all the postive thoughts I can,
Kirsty x

Lene Andersen said...

Oh honey! That sounds AWFUL!!! Very much hope you're not in sepsis. Or dead. Sending healing thoughts your way to both ends and looking forward to seeing you post again. Big hugs!

p.s. love that picture.

Kita said...

Can I suggest going to the hospital? Like now? Dark red indicates blood... please go to the hospital!

yanub said...

OK, then. No chili for you.

Beth, Beth, dear Elizabeth. Rest as much as you need. Linda will let us know if you have to rest more than a day or two, so don't even worry about that.

I got a postcard from you. A cooking skeleton! Love it! As my house mate said when he brought in the mail, "You got the best kind of mail--Beth mail!"

JaneB said...

Don't exhaust yourself for us! Sleep well, rest, and dream of your lovely pictures

Lisa Moon said...

Ohh, gads, I WISH I didn't know EXACTLY how torturous that whole bowel issue can be! :(
You know, on medication labels they often warn you of many side effects and constipation is one of the frequent fliers. However, NO ONE warned me when I started opiate therapies that might mean turds the size of SOFTBALLS that will NOT be able to pass through your intestines no matter WHAT. WHAT THE F...? How can a pharmacist MISS that one?! Geez, buddy.

Fast forward through nasty stories which you can now sadly imagine (I skipped the hospital and found my own remedies on the 'Net; ew) and Lisa trying various laxative products and the stresses of being able to take them 2 hours before or after any medication because they'd reduce their effectiveness; at freakin' $3 per pill coming outta MY pockets, I couldn't afford that to happen.

I discoverd a couple of friends; milk of magnesia: minty chalk, but it brings back some water to your poor, opiate-sucked-dry insides. Not for regular use, but VERY good for emergencies in a higher than the label says quantity.
Then, the lovely and helpful One Sick Mother told me that magnesium oxide - a vitamin supplement - would also help but is safe and gentle to take. Hmm.
She said she takes 400mg, 4times/day but maybe need to work up to it.
If OSM were nearby I'd have hugged her silly for the sheer RELIEF of finally being able to GO normally! Literally, what a huge relief!

Long icky story short, hope magnesium oxide could help. Can get cheaply at the Vitamin Shop and yes, it needs to be THAT form of magnesium to work. Hope this is of some help.

Lisa Moon said...

Oh, and sorry to hear your 'other end action' was NOT anywhere as fun as I'd hoped it would be.

Veralidaine said...

*gentle pats and warm sleepytime tea for Beth*

I'm so sorry you're going through all this. Rest, and please take care of yourself as much as you can. By that, I mean don't force yourself up to work on postcards before you're ready, or to reply to all these comments while you should still be asleep!

I understand why you'd rather play Roulette than go to the hospital. But please do rest, and please don't die of sepsis tomorrow.

Linda McClung said...

I always find it difficult to know which is the best option - hospital or roulette. Hospital wouldn't give Beth any chance to rest, and rest was definitely what she needed. She was so weak and all I wanted to do was make it all better in an instant. Wish I had that power!

I was also praying to God for rescue for you.

Sleep and rest well.

cheryl g said...

The going to hospital is always such a tough call. I was just talking to Linda about that when you finally came out of the seizures cycle. I was hoping I could keep you occupied long enough for your brain to bring you out of the scenario where we needed to booby trap this place to protect ourselves from invasion and assault. You have an awful lot of martial knowledge Sis.

I really like the picture with the butterflies. It is very evocative and definitely makes me think of you. It does show what the fire in the brain is like and it even comes from the same part of the brain that you always point at.

The plus side is a big plus side to me. The down side – you are in such agony, so tortured that I would do anything to make it better. I will be watching you closely for any signs of sepsis or internal bleeding. For now I pray that you are able to sleep, rest, and heal. Like the picture - Linda and I will do our best to watch over you.

One Sick Mother said...

I hope the God of Bowels answered the phone. My personal favorite solution for bowel issues is magnesium oxide, but it is probably not indicated for you. Not without medical advice, anyway.

Feel better.

Olivia said...

Oh Elizabeth, I'm certainly wishing you happier thoughts and happier times tomorrow! That first picture is to disturbing and very very beautiful.

Neil said...

Brain on fire bad, Russian roulette worse. Beth alive good, blocked bowels Very Bad.

I hpe you got lots of restful rest, and are feeling just every so perky now.

Or at least better.

Love and huges,

Abi said...

Crap. Literally, at times, it would appear.

I like the pictures, though. Girl #1 looks as though she might have a bit of a temperature... The black butterflies really look good against the orange. And I can kind of see why you identify with her.

Sending gentle peppermint hugs. They are the best sort for digestive difficulties.

sly civilian said...

"Happier thoughts tomorrow."

May it be so. These past few entries have been tough to read, but i'm glad to hear from you no matter what.

SharonMV said...

Oh Beth, so sorry that you've been so ill & had to go through that. Hope you're getting better and haven't needed to go to the hospital.

I like the picture of fire-brain girl. I feel a little like that when I've got a bad fever.

Thinking of you all day today. Will send you more e-mails when you've had some time to recover.

Love, Sharon

Donimo said...

We'll all be thinking about you tonight, Elizabeth, as well as Cheryl and Linda. Damn, I hope you are in much, much less pain tomorrow and will be able to rest tonight.

I'm not so sure-minded tonight, so I'll step lightly here and just let you know that I care.

Raccoon said...

Rest, rest and more rest. Please rest.

Dark red COULD be just a slight tear or scratch. Uhm... hemorrhoids? Do they bleed?

Nice wings on the first picture. The person's head, not the butterflies. Although they are nice too.

Drake said...

Say no more...

Rest and rest well!

No sepsis for you young lady! I won't allow it ;D


Anna said...

Hospital?! Hospital. Hospital. again sounds like a good idea.
Horrible experience. Rest!

thea said...

That picture is amazingly expressive.

The screaming time sounds crazily awful. I'd like to offer you a magic wand to deal with such events, but I'm sorry, the wandmaker was out of that kind.

FridaWrites said...

I thought I was the only one who has prayed to the God of Bowels before, omg the pain.