I sort of spent a lot of the day near the bed; didn't get out to see the Cannons, sorry! Linda asked how I was after I had my fifth or sixth seizure and my second extra heart stabilizer pill in four hours and I said, "About 10% to be honest."
"Ahhhhh!" She said and went to talk on the phone to Cheryl (they are always plotting things).
I have been trying to be here, like supportive and attentive partner for Linda and get the books done for the book faire. Plus to follow up and SHOW I am a spouse committed to Linda over illness; to spend time like we did last night, watching a film together, holding hands. It is just that, doing that actually uses up more energy than I have. So this is me, staring off dazed,
because it turns out that there is a fine line right now between "snuggling" and "passing out." I have to believe this will improve with, um, time or something. I think there is a doctor's appointment tomorrow.I also think Linda and Cheryl are trying to keep me mostly away from Doctor's (and Specialists) because that gives me busts of adrenaline which make me....well, like me, spitting fire and using words long enough to use as timber beams. Problem is, when the adrenaline runs out, which it does sometimes just after, but sometimes just BEFORE my big point.....FACEPLANT!
So I have a plan, you can see it here in this picture.
Besides the fact that her room is snowing (she is obviously heat intolerant like me), I have two resolutions. First: Minions and Second: Get more fur lined and fur tufted bras and corsets to wear because when you ARE heat intolerant like me and have to um expose the, er, upper torso? That is when having those tufts of fur look really cool!Oh, yeah, the Minions, I just wanted you all to notice the important fashion choice first! Every evil queen and every person in books on fairy tales has minions. This I think they are a perfect solution to my overexerting myself ALL the time. This way I can build up strength AND conquer the world......er, I mean continue my projects of philanthropy! The problem is in all the books, I have not found where one GETS your minions. I have looked in the yellow pages under MI for Minion and even LA for Lackey, or Si for Sidekick, but Nada. Quite honestly I think having a lounge chair, a really good neck choker for that command presence and bra with fur tufts and host of minions would make my life a LOT better. So if you know where they are kept, please direct me?
If the Minion plan falls through, I guess I will try to get by, like the rest of us (oh THAT again, I am TIRED of getting by like the rest of us, I want MINIONS! I want FUR BRAS!). By which I mean, with a little encouragement from my friends,
and letting Linda and Cheryl and some others know that for the next couple days, it will be hard going. Probably because I did a 10K during one of my Grand Mal's or the equivalent. I did not however receive a ribbon, regardless of the fact I won (if you would LIKE to send me a ribbon for the Remembrance Day Elizabeth McClung Seizure 10K, please DO! And the same goes for any fur lined or fur decorated bras, unless you actually BUY them at a place where pole dancing is going on - not that I am against that wardrobe, actually having a bra that would stay on while I upside down AND be strapless would only be a benefit I think!).Just wanted to update, albeit late, because, you are my friends and I am sorry I didn't get back to your kind and heartfelt responses to my last post. But I will, it will just take a bit longer. So please, a little patience, a little encouragement (and a Minion, hey I'll even take an Urchin at this point!).
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31 comments:
Ah, minions! Yes, where are they? I have looked in the Yellow Pages and ... nothing! Perhaps I should be more specific, and look for "massage therapist" "house cleaner" "pool attendant (for lady who doesn't have pool)" , but how do we know how good looking they are unless there is a photo in the Yello Pages ad?
Yess master! Egor awaits your command master! Mehehe :D...
Seriously, if there is anything I can do for you from across the ocean, just hollar... except maybe bra-shopping ughm... * blush *.
Being a supportive spouse is good! Snuggling is even better :D ... but passing out is no good... Tell linda not to squeeze so tightly ;D
I'm glad to hear you had an evening watching a film and holding hands with Linda. Those sort of evenings are very important, I think - not just to you and Linda but also for all your friends, because we want you to have time for yourself and Linda. What a good marriage you have.
Beautiful images, as usual.
But (he said is a very small voice), I thought *I* was one of your minions...
Hugs,
Neil
When someone I know had to go through a lot of tests involving baring the upper body, she went out and bought some extravagent velvet bras - lovely plushy kitten-soft velvet in pretty colours... she said she was determined to make sure the docs saw her as a woman not a piece of meat! Apparently velvet bras are good for morale. They don't make them my size...
Clearly you need a minion who can sew, then they can add all sorts of trims to your undies depending on whether it's a snow queen, barbarian emperor or metal-decked Xena sort of day. Or even a 'feather trim to match my wings, with a few little finger bones from my enemies dangling on a silken cord' day.
I've been looking for minions for YEARS! Maybe if we pool our resources, send out some mental beckoning thing, the combined force of our personalities will have them flocking to us? Or maybe being in two different cities will confuse the poor darlings - minions aren't known for deductive skills, having more use for obsequiousness and fawning.
I want to be like Glory (the Big Bad in season 4 of Buffy). But with better-looking minions.
Sorry you're at 10%. That's really not good. Sending thoughts, vibes and am hectoring the universe on your behalf.
Beth, you forgot to look under HE for henchmen. Carapace swears that someday she will have a purple service henchmonkey. Maybe you should consider finding minions among the animal kingdom. You are already Queen of the Squirrels. Try talking to Psycho about the position.
I'm sad you are having a brainstormy time. (Funny calling business meetings brainstorming....there's an interesting visual right there.) But I'm delighted that you were able to throw together a fun post all the same. And I'm very appreciative, because I know what cost you pay for blogging, interacting at all, when your head is exploding.
Fur-tufted bras? I think they have those at the costuming store by the house, hmmmm.
I do think you deserve a ribbon for your seizure 10K. I will look around.
As for the minions, I think you have to corrupt them yourself with empty promises of riches and power. Perhaps you can adopt a few homeless youth and convince them that you're only dying because your body can't handle the enormous amounts of mystical power you wield, and that if they do your bidding they will each receive a small, usable piece of that mystical power when you die, and will be able to rule the world with it?
No, wait, that wouldn't work, then they'd want you to die....
Back to the drawing board.
Isn't Craigslist the place to get minions?
What, specifically, do you want minions for? It's all very well having them, but it would be a shame not to make the most efficient use of them possible. Also, how many minions do you want? You say "a host", but I am unclear as to the range of numbers this can incorporate.
Alas, this is simply idle curiosity - I don't think that I would be able to procure any minions in your area, and I'm certainly not paying to ship mine out to you. You probably wouldn't want mine, anyway - they are mostly a little on the urchin side.
Well, let me know your bra size (I don't mean this in a prurient way; you can tell me in e-mail if you prefer), and I'll see what I can do...
Take as much time as you need with replies; I for my part am not going anywhere. :)
Hey Elizabeth
Thanks for your comment on by blog. I did send an email but it bounced back failing and I've been crazy busy I haven't had the chance to re-send it. I will go and send it again, if it doesn't get to you let me know, as I would never say no to a super duper anime postcard!
Sparkles to you,
Nargis x
dude i am with you on the minions, i could use some. maybe they could do the laundry. i got your post card just now and i was so excited. thank so much, i can't remember the last time i got something like that. i liked the animal stamps, i am a total 8 year old when it comes to cute animals. i hope you get mine ok. oh, and i sent one to a friend i haven't seen in a while, i am going to try and do more of these! have a great week! love, Elizabeth
Ooh - squirrel minions! Now that could work.
There are therefore two ways the furry bra could go: squirrel or not squirrel. Squirrel keeps the theme going and also keeps the minions disciplined; not squirrel is a bit more respectful of the minions.
MINIONS! What a fabulous idea! And I'll look around for furry bras; I think I've seen them at this time of year, but they tend to be in festive colours like red with white trim; Mrs Claus is a Naughty Girl!
I'd REALLY appreciate a lovely Maid who cleans everything. It's incredibly unfeminist of me, but I wouldn't mind too much if she wanted to wear the stereotypical French-maid get-up while she cleaned for me. She should also definitely have massage skills; you know, a renaissance kind of Minion!
In the meantime, do work on the lounge chair; I'm looking to get a nice chaise myself... to lounge upon while watching my Minion(s) do my bidding, of course!
Hoping you're feeling more % good very soon, too. I understand what you mean about the constant let-down of doctors; it's only recently I've had any luck with them at all. Fingers crossed that's about to change for you, too.
Still here, still caring.
L
Michelle: Oh yes, where does one get a buff female pool attendant? Admitly when she shows up and realizes there is no pool that will be a bit.....awkward? But still that's a start!
Drake: Hmmmm, I have to think, the one thing I have genuinely studied about where you live is actually...the sewage system - becuase of how it is disposed of is similar to where I live - so I know all about most of your countries waste disposal. Which isn't really inspiring me for any gift ideas honestly!
Ah yes, can you send me some stickers, that reflect your country, do you have any grossly tacky stickers in sticker shops! I would love some of them to put on my postcards.
As for the snuggling, when my eyes roll back and foam starts appearing at my mouth, that's usually a cue the 'snuggle' part might be over. Haha, but um, it does make us closer!
Kathz: I think those evenings are important to - proving, hey! I CAN take time off for you. Now if I could figure out how to take time off for me, I would be doing great.
Neil: Well, um, you did help take over that 10K you volunteered on so that was sort of minion thing, I guess? I'm glad you liked the images. I got busted for not taking time off and working too much. Ack, save me from myself.
Jane B: That's super cool - and I need to shop at Victoria Secret anyway, I just need to get away from the Xmas fashion and survive until the post Xmas sale. But great idea, I used to do that, show up in all my appointments in corsets but without the help dressing now that is more tricky.
I would definately even do a metal "Princess Leia bikini" which apparently there are several whole web sites dedicated to the 48 seconds or so it was on air. There is nothing like a wasting body to take care of all those unsightly bulges, I am looking like an anime teenager because that's what I weight, so time to MAX it!
I was very disappointed I couldn't get a pair of white wings to go with my black this year - arg, what is halloween coming to?
Lene: I want minions too - but more like Xander, who has no powers but just keeps charging for no real apparent reason. I mean isn't Xander a minion of Buffy, really?
Where are they keeping all the minions in Canada, I remember reading that the UK used to ship us free Urchins, but I guess that is over - do you think I could write White Hall an ask if they could send me a couple london urchins as they used to?
Yanub: In a strange way, doesn't Carapace QUALIFY for a 'assistive monkey' - since I do, also for a tiny pony (not sure of what assistance I can get from that), as well as an assistive dog for my partial quad status and a DIFFERENT assistive dog for epilepsy who is trained to stand on my body when I am having a seizure and bark. Someone asked, "What good is that?" - I'm not sure honestly. But that means a LOT of poop and walking the animal minions. But Carapace could get an assistive monkey, I have avoided it due to the "Evil Witch" ala Wizard of Oz connections.
Thanks, sorry I am 10% or I guess after the seizures I am minus 5% or would that make me a zombie?
Veralidaine: You LIVE by a store that sells fur tuft bras (they don't have to be REAL fur, just you know, tufty!)
Well I actually did have an offer once to live on an piece of land and be a cult leader - and then come out once a day and say non sequitors - but quite honestly, that sounded very dull. I want minions I can talk to AND order about! No wait, aren't those called Ex's that are still in love with you?
Abi: I don't know, I think I should have like six or eight, first becuase then I can rotate them and let them sleep but also that happens to be a good number to carry me on a paliquin - which is how I would arrive at all my stupid medical appointments or to see a specialist - and having all my minions, all eight of them standing in the office glaring at the specialist might mean they would treat me - since right now, actually acting like a normalish human being gets me no treatment at all.
Also I can send out pairs of minions to do things, like, go glare at the head of Beacon and say "You have displeased our Mistress, she vexed.......very vexed!"
Devi: I am somewhere between 38-40 A-B (Linda is the same 38-40 but her letters are WAY down the alphabet). I prefer elastic with the boob lifters like Victoria secret has with elastic around because then as I waste or end up gaining size from racing, I don't have to buy more - since 38 B is not the most popular size and if you buy it in lace it is rigid and when you are doing something athletic you take a big rib expanding breath and either your bra explodes or you pass out. Also, between water retention and weight loss, big or small, I want to make the most of my "assets" - hey, they may be small (and I may be bitter about that - thanks mom! How can you be size A after TWO CHILDREN?) - but since they showed up at all, I should show them off!
Nargis: I got your email, thanks, now the postcarding can begin!
Oh, that's right, you are a real journalist - I hear that newspapers have lots of minions - I just need to do what big corporations do and advertise for "work training" or "Page" or whatever they call those people who work for free in the summer - INTERNS - that's it, I need to advertise for interns, and then say, "Hello Minion/Lackey, I mean Intern - you will be called, number 1 - when I call you, come to fulfill my command!"
Elizabeth: your postcard just came, I haven't had time to look at it but was like, "Hey didn't I just send her one." I am glad you liked your, we were trying for the Biosphere look!
I hope you have a good week too.
Abi: I like this idea because it is sick and funny - sort of like from Good Omens from Pratchett. I think fake squirrel to keep the minions guessing. The only problem I see is having the minions be sort of one track mind:
Minions: "Do you want us to go buy peanuts?"
Me: "No, as I said, I want you to take the rotting fish and hide it around Beacon!"
Minions: "And then we go buy peanuts?"
Me: "No, you get peanuts at the usual time.....unless you don't take the fish, then...no peanuts."
Minions: "So we should buy peanuts becuase you have no peanuts?"
Me: ARG!
Hahahahahahahahaha
I can totally imagine that exchange with the squirrel minions about peanuts!
Thanks Sis, I really needed the laugh...
I am putting "seeking minions for Beth" on my To Do list.
Sorry this is short and late, I am feeling pretty crap today.
You only forsee one problem? You must have well-trained squirrels! They would also be usefully versatile, insofar as they could sneak into Beacon readily and hide the rotten fish, should they agree to do so. I personally would hide fresh fish and wait, but perhaps that's just the kind of evil genius *cough* I am.
You could perhaps start with no fur at all on your bra, and then some could appear shortly after a minion who asks about peanuts too much mysteriously disappears. You could still use fake fur, but the timing would be important. You could also acquire other items of furry clothing after other minions disobey you and disappear mysteriously.
It would be important not to let on that you were just sending the minions who did not meet your high standards back with Cheryl. That would reduce your perceived authority.
I know where to get a slew of Lackey's! That's close enough, yes? Lackey is my maiden name, so as long as you make me your top Lackey, I'll let you know when my next family reunion is!
Sorry about the 10k of seizures, but really glad about the snuggles.
I see from your replies that you haven't given this minion thing much thought...
(that was sarcasm... palanquins??? I like the way your mind works!)
Minions ... aren't those nieces adn nephews? Seems whenever Collette and need some grunt work we call one of the above, they scurry over, eat several gallons of chili and scurry away .. isn't that minion?
We even have a minion (I mean nephew) in the basement .. ok, he may be a little big to be a minion but he does cut the lawn and rake and the leaves .. and he pays rent .. that is one kick ass minion
Totally take it easy, take time to recover
And once again, Collette and I thank you so much for your amazing gifts
I think the Joker gets them by walking into a gang hideout and killing everyone that doesn't agree to follow him.
Besides! You already have minions. Linda and Cheryl. Wait, they aren't minions? What about everyone who sends you Postcard Project supplies?
As for the fur-lined bra... I learned long ago to never buy underwear for someone that you aren't involved with. I suppose I can try getting you some links, if you'd like?
Just wanted to let you know, I found something very strange last night when I got home...
I got something called a "Post Card"? :D
Thanks Beth :D I love the post card. If I was an Anime character, that is DEFINATELY what I would have looked like at the age of 21 :D...in fact, I am trying to grow my hair again, so my hair-style is exactly like that at the moment..mehehe.
At least it seems like our postal services decided they don't like the taste of Canadian mail :D
Masster...Egor will sshop thiss weekend...Egor will fetch...Egor will get many nice sstickerss...Egor might alsso have little ssurprisse...nghehe
Oh yes! There was something else I wanted to tell you about...
Last night, after receiving your post card and walking past the display case in our hallway, something caught my eye and my brain suddenly put two and two together...
There is one of those "Red Flowers" that the WWI survivors wear. I asked my dad about it, and we got it from my Grandma after she passed away. I never even new this! My Grandma's Dad...or is that Granddad, I forget now...Faught in WWI.
Apparently one of my dad's nephews has one of his medals he got during the war. He was given it because he was injured during duty. He was sitting on the pavement when the house behind him was bombed and he was subsequently deaf for the remainder of his life.
What makes it even more interesting, is the fact that our family on my Dad's Dad's side, comes from Germany and on my Dad's Mom's side came from British descent.
Now, tell me if I start to sound way too crazy, but my mind tends to try and find reason/logic in everything and this might sound a bit way out...
Hitler's dream, was of a nation of tall, blond, blue-eyed people. My dad is the "Typical" German, being tall, blond and blue-eyed, as is my sister. The only variation with me is that I have the dutch hair & eyes of my mom (Get's really mixed up here as my mom's family is part dutch...).
My point is, I somehow got the thought of ... The "typical" German appearance fits the bill of someone with a Connective Tissue Disorder such as Marfan's. I doubt we can truely blame Hitler for it, but had he realised his dream, I am wondering if all the Genetic playing around he would have done to create the "Super Race" would have caused a serious disturbance in the gene pool and caused a much higher occurance of Marfan's... He would obviously use people with Marfanoid charactiristics somewhere in his tampering and inadvertantly introduced the bad FBN gene into the world's gene pool...
Heh...at any rate, that little rant might just put your mind at ease that you are not "crazy" as I am sure that rant tips the scales Mehehe...
Sorry I haven't commented in awhile. Life keeps impinging on my internet time.
10% not good. I am sorry. Indeed, NOT seeing doctors when one is at 10% is -while understandable- ultimately self-defeating. Perhaps a gag would be one solution? I am just kidding, of course.
I have been searching for a decent minion -just ONE- for a long time. Trouble is they all seem to want some kind of bizarre sexual favors in return... Maybe I should have tried the furry bra thing (although I would have chosen one without the English politician eyebrow effect)? Perhaps the sight of me in one of those would have done the trick? Who knows?
I did a search on Minions R us, BTW and there is a movie by that name. I didn't explore further.
Here's hoping for some decent pain management for you.
OSM
I've been thinking that you need minions ever since I first stumbled upon your blog. I'm surprised you just figured this out. :P Good luck finding some! (I would volunteer but you probably need one in person...)
Minions! We've been saying we want minions for years. A friend of mine who had grad students working for her described them as peons, which was almost as good.
Snuggling is good. I hope you are doing more of that.
10% worries me. I hope it gets at least a little better. *HUGS* (but very gentle ones)
Yes--I'd definitely suggest grad student labor. We work in exchange for pizza. :) Glad to hear that you got some time with Linda!
Abi: my Beloved says, "Vairily, you are right." Of course, I should have thought of that, since I'm a herald and she isn't, but she has a quicker ind than I. I did reply that she shouldn't do that: "You pun! I cant!"
And yes, "cant" is spelled properly without the apostrophe - look up "canting arms."
Beth, dear, I know you try to stay away from politics here, but there will be many republican minions available soon. Personally, I don't think they'd be much use, being ex-government drones, but they'd work cheap, I'll wager.
What you need is a Terry Pratchett-style Igor or three. And my Beloved saysthat Pratchett recently(almost a year ago?) made it known that he has Alzheimers {Insert very sad, VERY rude comments about that disease here}. I wouldn't wish that even on Hitler...
My Beloved once bought a wedding shower gift at our local love shop: they didn't have a fancy, branded packaging, so she had them attach their business card on top of the box. Her friend unwrapped that box, saw the card, and shrieked that there were children present. Her mother demanded, "Open it NOW, or I will!" What she found was spaghetti straps and maribou trim, carefully arranged on top. Under that, a floor-length nightgown with no slits or indecent exposure anywhere. Just a long, beautiful nightgown with fake maribou across the top of the front, and spaghetti straps.
I'm waiting now for a report on just how many bras you receive; THAT will tell you how may minions you already have! :)
Love and hugs,
Neil
I'd like a minion too. Probably don't need a whole fleet, just a couple... They would ideally do things like remember things for me, carry/move stuff, chop food and so on, and, er, hygiene things.
Minions Inc! Like Monsters Inc, only more minion-y.
Glad you've been able to hang in there even at 10% for being supportive for Linda.
Hey, how would a cooling vest with those gel balls inside, with fur trim, be for you? I think that is potentially a very interesting idea... marketing! 'For the REALLY hot Goth girl!"
Hey Beth...
Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you.
I hope you are doing better.
Hugs
Neil, that is a dreadful, if well-educated, pun. Your Beloved should be moderately ashamed of herself ;-)
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