I am sad. There is no single reason. The nights are dark soon but since I can’t remember summers except as a distant memory, why should that concern me, what does it have to do with my health? I haven’t been able to do what I wanted these last three weeks, which was get post cards and packages done. Last week I sent out 1 package, the week before I did four. That is very frustrating. Also, I don’t have any of the postcards ready, and that is frustrating too. I feel like there are a lot of people out there waiting for me; waiting for me to show that I care, and I would if I could, but I am failing them.
I didn’t get care today, usually I use Fridays and do packages while my care helps with laundry, but the care giver didn’t come. So I didn’t get as much accomplished, just moving around of different things. Trying to remember people.
It is okay to be sad right? I feel like I have a winter inside of me. I look at this Oga picture and it reminds me how I feel (it is from Pom Poko), only I don’t have a bunch of Raccoons making music in me.
On days like this, I want a fresh start; to start my disability over again. I am sure I could do it better this time. Here is another Oga print but I can’t tell if it is warm or cold. It is a traditional rural house with the summer fans hanging up, I have sent the ones I have out to people. There is a type of dye flower left out to dry. The dark woods in the household, the family furniture but empty. There is a pain that I feel every day; I thought it would go away but it doesn’t, about why my parents have turned away, why my family and friends left. We aren’t estranged, since you would have to know someone’s existence to be estranged. Would have to speak to them, even to say ‘go away.’ I saw my parents during one of my races on the course. I was so surprised I almost crashed, and raised my hand. When I got to the finish, I looked for them, but they weren’t there, Linda and Cheryl were. Later that week I had enough courage to ask Linda why my parents weren’t at the finish, if she knew. She said, they had a meeting with someone to go to, a luncheon.
I got a card from them this week, it was addressed formally to me, Dr. McClung. I guess when I write back I should do what I haven’t, not use first names or Mom or Dad but Mr. and Mrs. Even in my name, they are distancing themselves from me. “To Dr. McClung” – I guess the part of me that is supposed to be part of someone’s child should accept that, at last, and wither and die.
So I'll talk about the nonsense that takes up time. Like we went to the discount shoe store in the mall, and I found these sketchers I wanted but they were in Linda’s size instead. Linda isn’t really femme enough to pull off the ballet/chinese goldfish look. Instead she got these “Technical Running Shoes” that were marked down from $170 to $40. I know she will get good use out of them. I forced Cheryl to try on the sketchers too, as she and Linda are the same shoe size. Didn’t work for a butch either. Just seems wrong that the shoes I like shouldn’t go to a friend.
I think my h.naoto backpack may soon arrive. But the truth is that I have another h.naoto bag: a hello kitty bag. Now this would be perfect if I WAS a goth loli and could walk. But since getting all those petticoats in wheelchair is a bit of a bitch and I can’t sling it over my shoulder and wheel, I just have to own this h.naoto bag and bring it out and pet it now and then.
A little over a month ago I scored the great rarity in the goth Hello Kitty world: the legendary pour lolita goth stationary set. I haven’t got a punk one yet, but the rarest of the rare is the goth one. That’s because the creator just after making the Pour Lolita line was sent to jail (for pot use), and Hello Kitty just deleted the entire line. So what was sold isn’t acknowledged to exist by Hello Kitty and thus no one knows for sure what does exist. There is the Punk Line (red), Sweet Goth line (pink) and this purple and black goth line. I like the mixture of skulls and butterflies. I haven’t opened it as I bought it brand new off a dealer in Japan who I think didn’t realize they were somewhat rare (like Halley’s Comet rare!). I was actually tipped off from a message board where I had left a comment for someone if they ever saw it. Someone did and bought one of the two sets, and emailed me, I acted immediately and got the other.
Let’s see, a couple rare and beautiful things before we go on our way: first of all are this Yaoi couple, from a different artist. They both seem to be very femme and I am not sure who is in change in bed, probably the one with the Knife. I have to admit, if guys are going to go for the femme look getting the color coordinated earrings is a must!
There is also this Bromehide Card. Which I like except I want to know what exactly is the story here? Why is it that any time a girl starts glowing then guys tie her up? Admittedly tied up with ribbons which probably is sort of suggestive.
I am going to finish with the last time I remember being sort of happy, which was at air hockey. Even 2/3rds of a good day and 1/3 of a crap day is better than a crap day. Here is Cheryl looking very determined. Very, very determined.
Which leads us to ask, should someone with such back injuries be making sudden attacking moves like that? Dunno (how did you sleep THAT night?). I wasn’t about to ask her since I was trying to win (didn’t). Anyway she seems to be having fun, maybe she is looking at the final score.
Here is a picture of Linda playing air hockey, isn’t she looking nice, and smiling. That’s because she was getting her ass handed to her. I was up 5-0. Then Linda suddenly wasn’t all smiley anymore and that was it, her 'game face' was on! I was doing 12-22 shots on her goal, all legitimate “winners” and she stopped them all. Linda’s strength was defense and once she put her game face on, I could not get another point. She came back, wham, wham, wham, wham. Nothing like going, “Oh, ho ho, at least I will win this” at 5-0 to then feel the cold ashes of losing 5-7. Ouch. That’s because Linda stopped smiling and got down to “Biz” – which is kicking Elizabeth’s butt.
I hope it isn’t as cold, rainy and just plumb isolating where you are. Have a good weekend.
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