Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Small Medical Crisis: exciting posts to follow

Hey, a medical crisis which has taken up today and tonight, and part of tomorrow. But since I am in it, I don't really want to talk about and I am exhausted. I have never been this poorly so far.

But then again, as in our picnic area, that might just be a point of view. As Linda and Cheryl decided to go see a Waterfall after these six and seven year old kids came back talking about the "Large Waterfall". Here it is:
Nice but not large...unless you are seven. So I expect to recover, I hope to, but right now, I have to work full time on that. Thanks for all the comments on the cards and being human, I will try to respond to those when I am better. Right now, it is the full time work at STAYING in my human frame which I need to focus on.

To complete my crap day, I finally got enough money together for my rucksack which is here. It is sold out. Two days ago it wasn't. I have been saving to buy this for six weeks. The designer never makes a second batch (it is like part of the trademark of his). So if you know where another one is for $88 please let me know, because when I have enough energy to cry. I will.


Raccoon said...

get better soon, please!

I hope at least the picnic was good?

yanub said...

Oh, poop! How crappy that the rucksack is sold out! Seriously, that just makes a sucky day suckier.

I like your story and photo of the "large waterfall." It is indeed a good tale of perspective.

Neil said...

Your life is entirely too exciting, medically speaking. I hope you're back to the right sort of entertainments soon.

No, not a Large waterfall, but a very beautiful photo. So was the photo of you near the beach - but that one looked lonely, even before I read the story around it...

The bag was very nice, but if it was sold out, it's because something even better is coming along for you. Though it was a VERY nice bag.

Zen hugs,

FridaWrites said...

The woods and waterfall are beautiful. Hope you're feeling better.

That's awful about the backpack!

Lene Andersen said...

Aw, sweetie. That really sucks. So sorry about your backpack - just the last straw, innit?

Sending healing vibes.

Nancy said...

Aw--it's such a shame that the backpack sold out! Hopefully you'll find it available someplace else, or you'll find something similarly amazing and cool to make you happy. :) We'll be thinking of you during the medical crisis, and hoping that it passes soon.

Dawn Allenbach said...

Honey, what are we gonna do with you? We're definitely keeping you, but we've GOT to figure out this pain management. Ugh for you.

That waterfall was HUGE! *giggle*

Abi said...

Bugger. I hate it when I finally get ready to buy something and it is gone.

Hang in there, please. Thank you for updating the blog to let us know what has been going on.

JaneB said...

get better soon, and keep all your strength for yourself - we want you to keep writing for years yet!

Thoughts and prayers winging your way, human person

cheryl g said...

Hey Sis - that really sucks that the bag is sold out. I hope you're feeling better today.

wendryn said...

I hope the medical crisis blows over soon!

I like the "large waterfall".

Lisa Moon said...

Oh, Beth, I so feel for you. :(
I do not pretend to compare our medical conditions, but I just know from my own experience how scary and frustrating it can be.

Sucks about your cool bag; maybe that means there's something even better on the horizon for you!?! But how disappointing anyway.

Hope you're resting and trying to take good care of yourself. Know that if there's anything I could do to help, I'm SO HERE for you.

Elizabeth McClung said...

The trip to San Francisco kept me going but it looks like that won't happen, over the last few weeks the only thing that has keep me going is that BAG, that spiderweb pack and no, I don't believe there is a magical better bag that is going to occur.

If you want to know a SMALL part of what happened is I lost all function of my autonomic system in regards to my bowel and bladder, as well as the tubes, and I could not sleep, because not only did I have impacted shit, I had it impacted into the opening of my anus, and I could not pee, and I was dripping blood and liquid shit, only unlike a quad who CAN'T feel it, I could, and it was like razor blades and it took hours before I finally could pee, and nothing worked for the shit, and nothing worked for the urine and we were going to have to go to ER after EIGHT HOURS except do you know how long it would take to be admitted? And they they would give me a suppository, only what would happen is what happened to me, that since my intestines DON'T WORK, nor does my anal opening open and shut, after 30-40 minutes of supposed to work, the ONLY thing that came back out was....the suppository. And blood. And I had never been awake and under pain that long and my hands turned yellow, like frostbite yellow and I was in shock but could I go to bed dripping shit and NOT ABLE TO PEE over 2 liters of liquids? Except I finally did pee, and finally after 9 hours there was a "breakthrough" which meant I simply now dripped blood and not shit through the night and I didn't have to go get a cathater because after 5-6 hours I did pee and pee and pee and unlike people who are spinal cord injuries, I feel all of it, it is not something that just happens and I smell it - I feel every bit. Every humilation and that is but a small part of what yesterday was. So this is the way elizabeth ends, bleeding from her anus, dripping shit from her anus....if she is lucky. Have urine back up into her kidneys! As Linda said, "I knew it was going to happen, I just didn't expect it to progress this quickly."

Today I saw my GP, who has yet to NOTICE even with the hospital notes, a change in me over the last nine months. Today he said he wasn't "impressed" with my blue fingers - and got an oxygen Saturation machine which said they were 72% - then said that he did not have enough experience as a doctor to tell that blue fingertips meant low oxygen. Nor did he offer me oxygen or referr me to a respirologist. So I need something to keep me going NOW. And right NOW, I really want that bag. I wrote the department store to see if they had one in Osaka or another town to sell me.

I need something to get me through nights where I wake always to pain and days of shit, some days, literally!

Lisa Harney said...

hugs for the lost knapsack.

I got your postcard - love it, and it makes me miss the beach.

I hope you come out of your crisis okay. :(

Caroline said...

Hang in there sweetheart - I hope you feel better and I hope the Universe sorts out that backpack for you - It appears to owe you one!

Veralidaine said...

Oh no way! They are out of your rucksack?! That is crap! You should write to the designer-- hey you got a private shrine maiden performance, maybe you could get a special backpack just for you! Maybe if we all write and beg?

Hmm they are on Ebay for $168 but that is far more than $88...

All right, goddamnit Beth we are GETTING you that rucksack.

I just got a surprise package from you, which came at just the right time. I had a crap day (not as LITERALLY a crap day as yours) and was in quite the foul mood until I checked my mailbox. I loved your surprise... and I am still baffled at how nicely you wrap things with so little hand function. What's the secret? My fingers and hands work just fine and I can't do that!

Anyway the point is, you bring joy to me and to everyone who reads your blog, and you take time to do that even when you are in pain that would flatten ten of me easily.

So Beth, no arguments or complaints, post your Paypal address! We are getting you the rucksack from Ebay and if you would like to fill it with bricks and bean your GP over the head, I fully endorse that.

There's the listing on Ebay. They have 10 left. I can send some money right away and then harrass my second boss to give me my pay which is a week late and send more money... can probably get him to give that to me through Paypal tonight, as he pays me by Paypal since he's in Canada and I'm in the US.

Paypal address, Beth, go!

I know it takes away from the accomplishment of saving up and getting it for yourself, but it's just plain not fair it's sold out just when you saved up enough money, and I don't want it to sell out on Ebay too!

Tammy said...

I'm so sorry you are having a bad day. It looks like I have a lot of catching up to do.
I have missed you terribly and was so glad to get my laptop back tonight.
I will read and try to catch up, but just wanted you to know I have been thinking of you and Linda and I'm glad to be "connected" again.

Elizabeth McClung said...

Thanks veralidaine (And Caroline, I agree wholeheartedly, I am owed a LOT by the universe, where do I send in the claims form again?). I guess, I will save up again, seems like that person cornered the market, they had 10 a couple weeks ago and they put them on sale because I asked if they would lower the price (I was hoping to something like.....$120 which isn't THAT far off $90 and a fair profit) But oh well, am I chasing the rucksack because it is great? Which it is? Or because I have nothing else to chase? I don't know, even my GP can notice the progression of my neuropathy but simply write it down. Writes down, in extreme white blinding pain that makes it difficult to focus and yet offers....nothing - an hour and the closest he came to a decision was a) tell me in his way to shut up - while putting a hand toward my mouth and talking over me and b) Telling me that maybe HE wasn't the right GP - hmmmm, you think I CHOSE to be treated in a street clinic for homeless people doctor, or did you forget that COOL AID, not you, took me on becuase all other doctors didn't want to give a damn; I asked him, do YOU give a damn about me as a human being. Apparently not enough to order any tests.

So thanks, but I will wait to hear what the department store says (about getting another one) and then keep rolling that boulder up the hill because THIS time, it isn't going to roll down again. Honest.

Veralidaine said...

WHAT?! Your GP put a HAND OVER YOUR MOUTH and talked over you?

Okay, I don't know why this is the thing that gets me even more than denying painkillers, watching your seizures with mild curiousity rather than a desire to help, denying treatment, but it does. I cannot imagine the amount of fury and hurt that must have caused, for him to just silence you like that.

You're a stronger woman than me, Beth. Not just because of enduring your condition, but because you haven't yet committed GPicide.

Shea said...

I'm so sorry the sack is sold out. This totally sucks!!! I received your postcard today and it was beautiful. My six year old loved it too! I hope you feel better soon.

Raccoon said...

pardon my saying this, but what a crappy day.

If you're urine backs up into your kidneys on a regular basis, it starts leading towards UTIs (women already know this, but guys, UTIs can be very painful).

You're right, most SCI can't feel the pain. Not until it's backed up and starts triggering autonomic dysreflexia.

At this point, you might consider carrying some catheters with you from now on.

Neil said...

I understand your fixation on the pack, Beth. I hope you can find one at a reasonable price.

And I hope you can get past this latest round of crap from your doctor. Lord knows, your body's giving you a bad enough time; the medical profession doesn't need to add to it!

My middle son just came out and saw the new vegetable peeler, still in its package with a photo of an onion behind it. He thought it was a new razor and wondered why the onion was significant. He's special, that one...