Linda says that I am having a bad day, or “a very bad” day; my brain is not well, and I am not well. I have two heart beats, like two hearts. One is bum-bum-bum-bum-bum (fast) and then after about eight times it goes SLOW: budump-budump-budump-budump-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-budump-budump… My heart monitor does not like it. Also I get dizzy.
When I cannot remember “Faking” is when you talk to someone in the hopes that you will pick up cues and/or remember who they are. I was not faking very well today. Some more memory is gone, at least for today; many words gone too. I watched a video of me playing badminton. I put it on the blog yesterday but I do not remember playing those games. But I must have remembered yesterday.
Today I went to watch a movie and I knew the ending, I knew I had watched it and yet, I could not remember anything until it happened, at which point I could remember that I had seen what just happened before. Linda says for most people this sometimes happens. It was not something that happens to me. I do not know how to cope with that, reminded every minute that you can’t remember. So I turned it off.
Then we went to see Janet who had fixed a racing wheelchair for me. I can remember a picture (I put on the blog) of me in the chair wheeling with a blue cart in the bushes in the background, but remembering that is not remembering DOING it. And I can’t remember wheeling it. But now I have the racing chair. Linda says there is a “story” to the chair, how it works now and before it did not.
When we came out, I went to where the van was, at the end of the row. Only Linda was standing holding open the door of a black van at the front of the row. We have a black van, but I KNEW, I REMEMBERED it was behind another van at the end of the row. Indeed, even staring at her with an open door of the black van which logic tried to say should mean it is OUR van was not as strong as what I REMEMBERED. My MEMORY was that the van was not there, it was at the end of the row. So I had to go to the end of the row and come back. It is things like this which make this a “Bad day”
Linda says that our van WAS at the end of the row last time, on Monday, behind another van. But I do not remember that. I do not actually know what “Monday” means. Except that I remember that there are seven days and one is called Monday. But to remember what happened today and then remember what happened yesterday and the day before. This is not what I know. Linda says today is Wednesday. She says that Monday comes two days before Wednesday but I have no memory or memories that links the days between today and Monday, so it could be a week or a year from the Monday of the van memory to now. I remember going to the track, I remember going to the hospital, I remember doing a video of pictures, I remember going today to see Janet. I remember the movie and seeing Janet. But the other memories I do not know how those go and link up.
I went tonight and played a little badminton, after I slept a long time. Linda was working at home on the computer hooked up to the government. She did not like that I went. She says I “push myself” and while many people will not let me fall, because they only see me as doing things that are good and not the other times. She also says that I do not know how to stop: I do not know how to fall, only to break.
I lost some games tonight at badminton, two games 14-14 lost 2-3 in the tiebreak. I also sprained/pulled/bruised part of my left foot as it is dark purple. This was probably when I pushed myself out of the chair at 14-14 and missed the drop shot the other team made. When I hit the floor, my racket went flying. I wish I had made the shot. But now my foot is funny. The two times tonight I fell over and the chair fell too, I made the shot. I think I should learn how to move the chair instead of falling over.
Linda put up a Hello Kitty hanging by my bed because I don’t remember buying it. That way I can enjoy it again and again. I like it.
I can write the word “scok” but not say it. Except the computer says that is not the right way to type it, but that is what I say. They are things you put on your feet. And I called Jeff at badminton, “Ffej”. He thought that was funny.
Linda says that maybe tomorrow will be better.
I’m sorry but today this is what I know.
6 hours ago