Bullies

I have had a pretty intense 24 hours (pain, talking until my lips were blue from lack of oxygen, sleep, more talking, on floor, etc) also saw an IMAX show on extracting DNA from mummies which seemed to be sponsored by big Pharma because we get the whole history of egyptian mummies. Going from how, though their tombs had been ransacked and moved repeatedly, in the 19th century, a series of events occurred to help us find “The valley of the Kings” where 40 royal mummies were found in one cave. This included finding the Ramses who stood face to face with Moses (if you believe the bible), you could still see his facial features. And then suddenly the narrator says, “And now these mummies have traveled through the thousands of years to time to fulfill their destiny…..helping us create new medicines from their DNA.” Not only did I have a great problem with the logic of that statement but I am not sure the Egyptian 3000 year empire existed for the SOLE reason so the Pfizer could make a wack load of money in the 21st century?

Plus the statement reminded me when I visited the Exxon exhibit long ago at Epcot Disneyland, where the point of the ride about the dinosaurs was pretty much that they have lived millions of years ago……so we could drive SUV’s and have tupperware today. Which made me laugh so hard that I was asked to control myself or I would have to “leave the ride for the benefit of the other guests.” I can’t wait for the Red Cross Epcot exhibit where they say that God and generations of genetics have produced a proclivity to alcoholism and compulsive gambling in order to supply the Red Cross with rare blood types to buy.

Besides the IMAX show I was talking about my past and listening to people’s stories and how I simply can not stand by (or sit by) and see someone bully another; which is what I stop from managers on all jobs I worked (not ALL managers, just the ones who bullied, there always seems one). But at the same time, I wouldn’t do anything to stop they bullying me, which is what they ended up doing, leaving everyone else alone and trying to make my life miserable. Now, why I consciously or subconsciously think that I deserve that is a subject for another day, as right now I am trying to figure out two things: Where to Bullies come from? And why do they act as they do?

I know we have all met the type, the ones who though a crap worker, suck up and get a ‘supervisor’ job from management. They then use their power in the most punitive way, taking visual delight in their ability to tell others what to do and try and humiliate or degrade them. There are also the managers or social workers or RN’s, or anyone is a position of authority or where someone is vulnerable. Some of these people don’t even hide that they view themselves as superior to you, they let you know that you can’t do anything about it and if you try, that they will make your life difficult. So where do they come from?

I have been having dreams about two bullies from my earlier life. In one dream I had two jobs, I showed up at one and couldn’t remember what my shift was, so this person, G. (a bully from a previous job in real life) got to do a “you have to be responsible, blah, blah” in front of everyone taking great delight. Then in the dream, I go to the second job, realizing, I have NO IDEA what hours I have committed for and guess who they just hired on as a junior manager: G. So G, instead of doing something productive follows me around to try and find things I am not doing perfectly so he can give me a lecture (and this being a dream, I have no clear idea WHAT my job is, or how long I am supposed to do, and no else seems to be working at all which leaves me to sell at the till AND restock but who is on my ass the whole time: G.) I guess what I want to know is, I can tell a bully, I think everyone at work can name some bully they worked for, so these people aren’t hidden: why do they get employed, what do they achieve by bullying? And why do so many seem to end up working with vulnerable people?

I dunno, this sort of goes up with why are there a certain percentage of men who are predatory and why don’t the other guys see that and do something about them? I mean, it isn’t just rapes but groping, inappropriate behavior, sexist language, demeaning attitutes, etc and we have all seen it and seen that these people do it to every female until they find the ones vulnerable enough to turn on. So why are they allowed to continue? And why is the urination of homeless (as one example city officials always seem worried about) seen as a bigger problem than the fact that there is this percentage of creepiod men who are ruining the reputation of 49% of the population (and everyone seems to let them get away with it).

Sorry no answers today but the questions of why does this continue? When is a kid is a bully at 10, that is one thing, when they bully at 18, that isn’t “a stage” that is calculated and engrained dysfunctional behavior which harms others. So why does no one step in and say, “No, that’s not how we treat people; I don’t know what your problem or issue is but we can get you counseling for it.” Why do we have to wait until they have made a toxic workplace which everyone has left or an abusive relationship before anyone does anything?

It is just I keep having these dreams night after night about bullies. And while they are annoying, for me, I only step in if they bully anyone but me. But they are always there. Always. And sometimes they get into political office too. They honestly think they are more entitled to do as they want AND make others do what THEY want them to do. And we let them do it. Why?

Don’t worry, this hasn’t turned into: Elizabeth’s blog of unanswerable philosophical questions. It is just, it seemed, maybe a while ago that bullies and their cohorts (as there will always be the hanger on’s who get to benefit and laugh because they stand next to the bully) used to be, a little more ashamed when in the public eye. But these days, it seems like the excuse is, “that’s business” or “That’s politics.” Or “That’s the system, I’m just following the system.” Really, you have a hand book which says to use my first name but demand I use your last name? A handbook which says that your demands must be met but my requests are to be “considered?” Where is this handbook?

I’m not self destructive (well, not much) and I’m not stupid. Nor am I ignorant in the ways of the world while I might ignorant a little in the way the “world of those helping PWD’s" works, but I do hate bullies. And the fact that I am in confrontation with more seems to be either I am finding more, or that they seem to think they can continue to bully even after being caught, because they believe I am helpless to act in a meaningful way (or they don't give a shit).

One home care worker told me she saw a worker HIT a client (you know, the person PAYING to be assisted) and reported it (there was no follow up). I asked another long working care worker if she had EVER heard of, for ANY reason, a care worker being fired. The answer was no. Not for hitting? No. Not for putting a life of a client in danger? (A laugh and a “not even if they watch them die” followed by, “I could do what I want and it is my word against yours and they aren’t going to believe you.” – which is true). I asked why care givers were not given ranks, like if they worked for say 2 years and the feedback from their clients was 95% positive, then they would get another $1 an hour in pay and be Rank II, and then the same after another couple years and be rank III? Then there would at least be an incentive for those who have no desire to take out their frustration or anger or bad day on someone who is helpless. Another laugh and a, “That would be nice, but it is never going to happen.”

I have to wonder if bullies as well as these predatory men appear not because they are incapable of controlling themselves but because it is the easiest way: to simply give in to the lowest feelings – anger, need for superiority, desire to see fear, lust, etc. And because no one, or at least no one consistently in our society has shown them that such ways are simply not appropriate. Sadly, I’m sure, like most problems, it is far more complicated than that.