Sunday, March 23, 2008

Beth as 'charity duty', I plot mischief and wear a mini-skirt

I have recently been told that person/s visiting me have been commended by Christians on how “kind it is of them to go see that poor girl.” Like seeing me is part of the freaky Scavenger Hunt some Christians seem to think life is.

So I thought I would sort of clear the air and let you know that I have no interest in fools, tedium or being read bible scriptures (unless you let me pick the scriptures…heh heh!). Being disabled has placed severe limitations on how I can see people; that is true. However, if you don’t think the ride is going to be worth the admission, then don’t enter the Elizabeth McClung theme park. You can a) Stay on the side of the screen and read, b) You can enter a little closer to the brain of Elizabeth by commenting, c) we can start emailing (which often has long interruptions because one or both of us have health problems) or d) Total commitment: a face to face meeting!

There are at least five people I can think of in less than 30 seconds that I WANT to meet since I started blogging about being/becoming disabled (probably 10 or more if you give me a minute); and once I secure my private jet/train, I am on the way. Seriously, I am TRYING to figure out how to, a) pay back Japan and then b) Go a couple thousand miles to see them. Do I want to see them because God is going to give me brownie points? No. I want to see them because they are interesting people, people who have a sense of humor (often sick, like mine), who have “passed the veil”, who know what pain and limitations are and know that isn’t WHO they are. I want to see them because I want to be with someone who “gets” me and someone I can have a good time with, even if it is us sitting in our wheelchairs in the same room talking.

I have ex-care workers who I can call up and we drink wine and talk for hours. They don’t come because I pay them (not anymore) but because in the words of one, “You can talk to her about anything.” Or as another says, “IF you can get a word in!”

Please disabuse any notion that you are polishing up a divine resume coming to see me. I can deal with being me, if you can’t, well, I don’t know – why not pray a lot, I tried that for years in order to stop being a lesbian and ended up with a lesbian partner, maybe you will be so lucky.
Okay, now less on you and more on ME: I got up today to a hells brew of weather: wind, rain, flying objects, and probably hail at some point. However, what is going through MY mind? “I have WAXED legs….I am SO going to wear a skirt!” Especially as my Japan wheelchair will have my knees in the air which makes skirt wearing a bit more….um, well, I should put advertisements on my bikini underwear. So I showered with help and got dressed in a new (meaning unpacked from the summer) corset with skulls all over it, and wore my tripp skirt, with leggings and skull socks from Laura (matching the corset), and my skelekitty earrings and headband. My hair is two washes into the “I wanna be pink” attempt. I am of course, plotting something, that is my “Oh, I’m so clever and no will notice I am planning mischief” face.
What am I planning? I am going to take my skirt to Japan. That was the new plan ever since my father saw me today and said, “That’s QUITE a short skirt isn’t it!” It is amazing how those words started an immediate feeling a deep love toward my skirt to grow in my heart. And his follow up line of “You’re not taking THAT to Japan?!” Made me think, “If I just ‘slip it in’ the packing, then Linda will never notice until it is too late.” And lots of pictures of me in it, of course, just to post to him with a, “Having a GREAT time!” message.

I am still losing weight, so actually, I will need to pin it as I am now down to a size Large…..in JUNIOR MISS. I would sigh, but since junior miss and hot topic have all the best styles of being a rebellious punk and it still obviously STILL works on fathers (even ones who should leave clothing criticizing to the PARTNER of their daughter). I always wanted to know who the women over six foot women were who were buying the size 7 or 9 jeans from Tall Girl? I may soon find out. My torso has lost weight too, so I fill up the space in the corset up top with extra padding and a strapless bra (love the gel packs). I amuse myself. Besides, since I had to wheel two blocks in a huge downpour in my skirt and corset, I know exactly how impractical what I am wearing is in relation to the weather. That’s why I was going “hee hee!” for the entire two blocks. Because, when you can’t afford to live dangerously anymore, well, at least try to dress dangerously once a week!

Here I am, in the total of 45 seconds of sunshine we had today, where it still misting slightly and yeah, this is who I am. Sure, this is part of my “best three hours of the week,” but if you don’t come, if you don’t visit you don’t get those good hours, and even my bad hours are pretty full of sick, sick jokes. I hope you are having a good day and I am looking forward to getting these endless packing lists, buying lists, to contact lists, and other lists finished and get over to where the postcards are (so I can buy them and send them to y’all!). Because, common sense says this is NOT a trip I should be taking. Luckily I have a brain of a supercomputer, the dress sense and maturity of a teenager, the body of a supermodel, (that’s what super-thin means, right, supermodel? Or just model?) and medical equipment in excess of most ambulances.

And, finally, visiting someone with a disability is an opportunity you give to yourself; as I think the entire nation of Japan is about to find out.

23 comments:

cheryl g. said...

Instead of tedium and scriptures, how about playing board games, drinking wine and plotting world domination?

I have to say the Elizabeth McClung theme park is an e-ticket ride and totally worth the price of admission... and there are squirrels!

I'm liking the hair color it really looks good on you. I am also learning to recognize that face. Japan won't know what hit it.

Elizabeth McClung said...

Cheryl: yeah, board games and world domination! Linda says, "Don't forget the drinking!" (I am starting to see where the weak link in the world domination plans might be!).

Thanks, I am glad it isn't going ...ug....BROWN. And yeah, not quite so subtle on facial expressions.

Raccoon said...

I was going to comment about the lack of boning in the corset, but the weight loss would (unfortunately) lead to that effect.

How many days until your flight?

Elizabeth McClung said...

Raccoon: This one is a "soft" corset which means that when you are standing and leaning against things it is suppose to be better, I guess. Which is why I don't wear it much, the other ones I have have stays - which keep the form no matter how you atrophy. That's the one I am taking to Japan - black with lace. This was just a, "Oh golly I should wear this corset" - now if you are going to talk bulges and such...well, you walk your own line on that one.

I leave here in 6 days, the flight in 7 (one day to move to airport and sleep up, fly the next morning - 10.5 hours going not including the 2-3 hour precheck and the post stuff then 3.5 hours on the train to Nikko - yeah, if I don't sleep on the plane, I am going to be in hell).

Raccoon said...

Oh, I'm not criticizing! And I am definitely not one to talk about bulges -- 11 years ago I started at 145, dropped to 107 and I'm around 200 now. Lots of bulges I'd like to get rid of.

Heh. I remember my booth at the local Renaissance Faire. We could fit a flat-chested teenager into a bodice so that his cleavage was at least as good as yours. One time, I was about 30, a couple of friends did it to me. Not exactly comfortable breathing. I helped lace on more than one bodice on faire mornings: "reach in and grab them -- get them into place while I lace!"

em said...

I don't get it. People are visiting you IRL? On the blog? Either way, this is the face of Christianity that I rage against.

And thank you for mentioning that you spent years praying not to be lesbian. Fuck me, (uh, not That way, I don't want to alienate Linda) I'm stuck there right this minute, watching my former life melt away from me. I'm not handling it well.

Anyway, it was probably a throw away line, but thank you.

Oh yeah, you look so great. I love it that your poor father is aghast at your skirt. I'm sure my father would be too. Perhaps we should start a list of fathers you can honorarily outrage as you continue to outrage your own.

Elizabeth McClung said...

Raccoon: Well, Linda has a genuine BONED with double lacing corset but says when she wears it she is concerned that if she slams on the brakes she will be suffocated by her breasts.

Um, just a tip, most females don't like thier clevage compared to teenage boys. Well, unless they are really butch or something. The advantage of the Tripp "Corset" is they aren't $200 but with 2% spandex, allow you to buy one with plastic stays to be tight and then let it loosen over time all for $40 or under (which gives the "corset a day" habit for like $200 instead of $2000). The spandex does help the breathing, the down side is when you overheat, everyone wants to take you out of them. which is rather...um....revealing (particularly as with the ones with stays I don't wear a bra - hey, it is usually mashed to the top plenty.

I usually stick with stays because when you are in a chair with dump, you get not just the "sitting down" bulge but the crushed into an angle less than 90 degrees, not so great on tum.

Elizabeth McClung said...

Em: No, visiting IRL, but then they told me when they got back they were told, "Oh, that was so good of you to visit the poor crippled girl....blah, blah" and they were like, "I go over because we are friends."

But I had never thought of myself as someone who is viewed like, "Oh wow, collect christian points for visiting them, then two more cripples, and orphan and a widow and I move up to the next level!"

Well, I'm sorry you aren't going through a good time, it was just that I spent all this time doing what I THOUGHT I should do (hate myself, ask God to kill me etc,) and instead got what I didn't deserve: Linda.

And while I visited people in hospitals, that because the people I WANTED to visit where IN a hospital - I don't just wander around looking for conversation. One of the good things about being disabled is getting to meet a lot of interesting people (including med techs).

As for the skirt I was just like OMG! Are we doing this AGAIN! Let's say they liked the academic Beth WAY more than the goth Beth.

Elizabeth McClung said...

Raccoon: just for us lesbians out here - how exactly do you GET a job to grab breasts at a Renaissance Faire? Besides fitting the corsets (which I assume were like under busts, or full corsets?), or was that is, the "Corset fitting centre" - Not some bad action and actually I think Zephyr might be contacting you regarding putting teenage boys in corsets (she has this habit....)

kathz said...

If some Christians recokon they gain points by visiting me, could you turn this into a money-making opportunity? They should pay you for the brownie points (money for the Japan and corsets funds) - and you would get the bonus of challenging their wonky theology - if you could stand it.

I think the outfit looks great.

I don't suppose you'll be able to blog from Japan but I'll look forward to reading all about it - and seeing the photos - when you get back.

Belatedly, happy Easter. I can't believe it's already come and gone.

Penelope said...

I don't comment very often, but I have to say I love the skirt, am I'm all for short skirts + wheelchairs (as anyone who's ever seen me at a mall and tried to figure out *if* I was wearing a skirt knows) :)

tornwordo said...

I love how father's comments deepened your love for the skirt.

FridaWrites said...

Great outfit! And great picture of you guys. I can't wear skirts shorter than a few inches below the knee w/the scooter b/c of the way I sit in it, though I have some spring skirts I'm longing to wear that skirt the line.

Yes, visiting--I will gladly pray *with* others, but I don't want to be prayed *over* or condescended to or pitied. Because you know, if I'm not getting all upset then others shouldn't be. I have 2 friends with cancer, and I'd be way more scared about that. And I definitely want my visitors to see me because they like me, not out of sense of obligation or to get brownie points with God.

Only 6 days! I'm excited for you.

Gaina said...

Elizabeth, this is you were talking about. I'd be disappointed if you weren't plotting something! Haha.

As for the skirt, it's your skirt on your ass and you'll just have to deal with the consequence of being chased by cute Geisha girls yourself! :P

I have been watching a program on BBC Two here called 'Around the World in 80 Gardens' and this week it was China and Japan. The Zen gardens in Kyoto are beautiful.

Lene Andersen said...

My friends have gotten the same thing - "you're so wonderful for spending time with the crippled girl". I was a reader at a friend's wedding and afterwards, someone commended him on his charitable nature. He went "um... she's one of my best friends" and... well. Sigh.

Love the picture of you and Linda and love the one of you bent on some hellraising. Thinking of fathers - mine would have told me how good I looked (and would've done the same for you). I miss him. He wasn't perfect, but he understood rebelliousness and found women endlessly fascinating.

Lisa Harney said...

"Please disabuse any notion that you are polishing up a divine resume coming to see me. I can deal with being me, if you can’t, well, I don’t know – why not pray a lot, I tried that for years in order to stop being a lesbian and ended up with a lesbian partner, maybe you will be so lucky."

Well, now I know what I've been doing wrong these past few years.

It's not that I haven't been actively looking for anyone, or missed the cues when someone was hitting on me (damnit). I wasn't praying hard enough for god to turn me straight. Where were you three years ago?

Veralidaine said...

Hmmm... would I be doing a religious/charitable duty to come visit you, even if it were just for an excuse to kidnap your charming black squirrel?

Tongue out of cheek though- nice mini, nice corset, and nice job on shocking the father. Maybe in Japan you can make some spending money by selling your panties in vending machines.

Okay so I lied about the tongue out of cheek part...

yanub said...

Ah, Japan will never be the same when you are finished with it.

I think the miniskirt and corset are not only stunning, they are practical. Who wants a long skirt when you are sitting down all the time? It's just more fabric to bunch up in the wrong places. And a well-fitted corset not only highlights whatever assets you have, it provides some welcome back relief.

Most importantly, it is as much the right outfit to be wearing in case you ever do get visited by someone who thinks visiting you will win them stars in a heavenly crown, as it is to entertain people who are visit with you because they actually like you. Yep, thoroughly practical in all ways.

Neil said...

So now you're a feather in some do-gooder's cap? Ha! I'd love to see them at your door to convert you. You could come on to the cute girls, and Linda could invite them in for tea and cookies, "But only for a few minutes, since I have to get her to her blood transfusion appointment." They probably wouldn't notice the wooden strips of caltro - er, nails on the stairs as they fled.

In case you hadn't guessed, the various Christian faiths are beginning to get on my nerves, and strain my wanna-be Buddhist tolerance. Why do they find it so hard to follow ten simple rules?

The corset and mini are very pretty. I applaud your fashion sense, and your ability to freak the father. And while the red is a very nice colour,brown is good too, when it's framing such a dazzling, wicked smile.

Full disclosure: my oldest son and his girlfriend came for supper last night. The girlfriend's hair is the same colour yours is, but hers, I'm afraid, is MUCH more intense.

Sure wish I could afford the ticket the the Beth 'n Linda Theme Park. Board games and world domination sound like a fun evening. I'm not sure I'd want to play Scrabble against you, though. It's hard to enough to deal with my wife trouncing me - you and she would probably use each other's words and come up with a new record high score.

Looking forward to any blogging you an manage from Japan, and a full account upon your return. You gonna develop a a taste for sake?

Maggie said...

Hi-I'm back, but Matt is in town for the next 12 days, so this will be short and I may be MIA for the next few days so have fun in Japan if I miss you before you leave.
1. So, if the Christians are getting points for visiting the wheel girl, then do you get points for letting the straight girl hang with the lesbians? I'm glad you've decided to take pity on me and not be embarrassed by my straightness!
2. From the stand point of the straight girl I think you look totally excellent in your special outfit today.
3. I'm with Cheryl...Can I buy a ticket to the theme park too? I'd like to hang there more often.

Elizabeth McClung said...

Kathz: I do like the idea of a "Visit a crip: $2" sign up at churches. Actually I WILL be blogging from Japan, I just have no idea when they will start showing up on the computer - I think like 8 am PST so evening in the UK.

Penelope: Thanks, well the skirt is a WHOLE 17 inches long, so I want to see the ones YOU wear.

Tornwordo: Nothing like a father's disapproval to immediately deem something as likely sexy.

Frida: I had the same problem until I got the custom wheelchair - also having clothing guards to tuck loose ends into while wheeling downhill (breezes!), helps.

Yes, that exactly sums up how I feel about visitors and such - I like visitors, but leave the baggage at the door so we can meet as equals.

Gaina: Always plotting SOMETHING. Now just have to sneak it into the luggage (and get Linda to carry it - poor Linda).

I would WELCOME some Geisha girls on my lap - is it one of the few win/win flirtations - I get them in my lap and Linda gets to take pictures of them. We both enjoy our roles!

We are staying opposite the gardens of the old imperial palace.

Lene: Thanks for sharing the wedding story, it is exactly what I was talking about. Thanks for the compliments on the pictures. Linda is like, "Should I sit on you" and I'm like, "Hey, I can't feel it."

I too share with your father a facination with women....oh wait, I mean, um...nevermind. Your parents sound like really amazing people.

Lisa: Yeah, haven't you learned that god has a perverse sense of humor. And the more you try to stop being something, the further you get pushed into accepting it. At least that is how it always worked with me.

Veralidaine: I would consider a kidnapping from you to be a VERY charitable deed! Kidnap and see the squirrels! (or in Japan, Kidnap and see the deer!)

I was planning on selling pics of me in my geisha outfit to devos to pay for the trip - this is the back up plan (I THINK I am joking about this).

Elizabeth McClung said...

Yanub: How well you sum up the positives of a corset! Particularly for wheelchair users. And yes, Nothing like boosting up the bust to keep the christians in line.

Neil: Yes, it is the time of year to get all syrupy. When one said to me, "Christ is RISEN....IN ME!" I was like, "Didn't that hurt a little?"

Red is good, I don't think I have faded to brown and I am still holding out for PINK (come on hair fade to PINK!). Well, you can always tell the girlfriend that if she gets thyroid problems that colour isn't in her future. How cheery. So tell, does having son's girlfriends showing up with pink hair and miniskirts bring out the "you're not going out like that?" or is it some other reaction like, "Have we had THAT talk yet?"

Don't worry, scrabble is WAY down on the list after Gothic and all my antique games. But if you want to play it we can. I stayed with a family that played it every night and by the third night, the grandmother (who had her own Scrabble dictionary) was saying, "I don't want to play this game anymore" (the rest of the sentence was "WITH HER" - hey, I just play the double and triple word scores that is all)

As for sake, I will try but I don't think so, not if 10 years of trying to 'appreciate' whiskey in the UK didn't work - me: "It tastes like I am sucking on PEAT."

Whiskey guy: "EXACTLY! That is LaXXXXX, which is supposed to taste like peat."

Me thinking: "Men pay huge amounts of money to drink something that is SUPPOSED to taste like PEAT MOSS; yeah...that seems to make as much sense as usual."

I too want to get down all the details as fresh as they are, so I am going to try to blog at least every other day if not daily. I DO having to rest and sitting and typing at least keeps me sitting STILL.

Maggie: I'm glad, but when will I get your address for a postcard.

Oh I see it is not just the squirrels that are running away for a while.

As for your straightness, we don't tell anyone when we are out and about, no need to make you feel more embarressed. Haha. Please come on over - and more importantly, how do you feel about BADMINTON as a game?

saraarts said...

I totally love what you are wearing. I also have to say that the “Oh, I’m so clever and no will notice I am planning mischief” face is absolutely not what you think it is.

I hope to visit my friend Jeanne, The Assertive Cancer Patient, in Seattle in July, and if I make it, I hope I will have a day to visit you in Victoria. Make no mistake; I will totally be coming over there for me, though I hope you will be there and will have fun, too, or it's just going to be me sitting in Roger's Chocolates gorging on Victoria Creams to assuage my depression. I do not think that Ceiling Cat will care either way.