Um, due to my GP not acting like a professional:
Him: "Well, I can't prescribe you anything until I get word back from the nuerologist?"
ME: "Is that the neurologist who hasn't returned your phone calls in four months?"
Him: "Yes. But I need someone to supervise your care."
Me: "And in the last four months, would your rate her supervision of my care as good, or NOT GOOD?"
Him: "Not good, why don't you go down to the states?"
Me: "Because, I don't see why I should borrow a bunch of money to go to a person when you already know it is autonomic failure."
Him: "But I could give you (some type of pain medication) but I need a definative diagnosis."
Me: "First there are only three types of autonomic failure and two of them you confirm in autopsy. There is no MAGIC TEST. And do you really think if I go to the US after borrowing all this money, that the neurologist down there will let you call him/her EVERY time you desire to prescibe something? Why not deal with what I have, prescribe for heart issues, prescribe for muscle failure, prescribe for pain, do something."
Him: "Well why don't you try some pot, only due to the ethics of this clinic, I can't legally prescribe it too you."
I later found a clinic which sold hemp/pot medicinal items but had a waiver which said, that the doctor was NOT precribing cannabis but if the patient would choose to use cannabis therapeutically, they would monitor his/her progress. I called the doctor, "Will you sign this."
"No, you need to find it somewhere else. I think there is another place you can get it where you don't need doctor's permission." This is after in the meeting he said I could get the place selling medicinal cannabis to call him as he could see its usefullness but could not (legally due to the clinic) prescribe it.
That's when I hit the wall and thought about how I go to a clinic for people who are addicted to drugs, because no one else would take me, because I am a complicated case. He knew this. This is a clinic for homeless drug addicts and my doctor is trying to get me to obtain a drug HE could provide legally for me, instead in an illegal manner through illegal vendors. Why didn't I just go to the waiting room and tell them my doctor wants some drugs and do any of them have some illegal drugs I could buy....or would that be to close to home doc?
He also, after instructing my home care workers two weeks ago that I needed the use of oxygen, demanded, "Why do you use oxygen?" And I again (as this is about the fifth time he has done this) explained why (not that he hasn't put it on me himself when I passed out in his waiting room). So I got in a snit, decided I was fucking tired of spending all my time being treated like a criminal for trying very hard to stay alive in any sort of fashion and that my GP should act like...hell, maybe my doctor of care, instead of someone who is waiting until his mommy gives him permission (Dude, if she doesn't return your calls for four months, a good rule in both dating and specialists is...move on!)
So I decided to simply stop using anything that a doctor had not specifically recommended for my care including the most recent advice that I medically check if I could swallow before I eat because 5% of the time I can't. Does Doc send me to specialist, nope just, "Check it out." So I didn't eat yesterday, on the premise that I am not "medically trained to make that assessment." Didn't drink my gatorade, didn't take pain pills, didn't use the walker or any assistive devices beyond the wheelchair (hey, doctors never said, "Gee, since you fall down every day, how do you get to your toilet?" Cause.....still waiting on Neurologist, I guess, who are experts on going to the toilet?). Didn't use anything at all that was not specifically prescribed or under monitoring by my GP. Which turned out to be nothing at all, no oxygen, nada.
Well, of course, I was too tired to do anything but sleep and when my home care person came at night, I was pretty fucked up but determined not to take pain killers or oxygen. Well, until the pain was so bad I started screaming as loud as I could and I couldn't move and then they put the oxygen on me anyway, and held my hands because I was as weak as a kitten and couldn't pull my hands free to take off the oxygen. So yesterday was sleep, sleep, scream, oxygen, sleep, pain waking me up every hour even ON the maximum of pain killers.
Still kinda pissed off about, well, having a GP who isn't acting like a GP, who is also my GP of last resort. Same GP who hasn't checked my b-12 levels or my thyroid though specialists have asked him to do both, in fact hasn't done much except paperwork and screwed that up too. And VIHA and Juan de Fuca who keep having meetings at my place multiple times a week but have never once asked me, "How are you?" just "11:00 on friday." Click.
So, pissed, but also in pain and feeling stupid but also right back where I was before GOING to the doctors. Or coming back which is a couple hours spent for my doctor to wash his hands of it. Screw him.
10 hours ago