Tuesday, February 12, 2008


Um, due to my GP not acting like a professional:

Him: "Well, I can't prescribe you anything until I get word back from the nuerologist?"
ME: "Is that the neurologist who hasn't returned your phone calls in four months?"
Him: "Yes. But I need someone to supervise your care."
Me: "And in the last four months, would your rate her supervision of my care as good, or NOT GOOD?"
Him: "Not good, why don't you go down to the states?"
Me: "Because, I don't see why I should borrow a bunch of money to go to a person when you already know it is autonomic failure."
Him: "But I could give you (some type of pain medication) but I need a definative diagnosis."
Me: "First there are only three types of autonomic failure and two of them you confirm in autopsy. There is no MAGIC TEST. And do you really think if I go to the US after borrowing all this money, that the neurologist down there will let you call him/her EVERY time you desire to prescibe something? Why not deal with what I have, prescribe for heart issues, prescribe for muscle failure, prescribe for pain, do something."
Him: "Well why don't you try some pot, only due to the ethics of this clinic, I can't legally prescribe it too you."

I later found a clinic which sold hemp/pot medicinal items but had a waiver which said, that the doctor was NOT precribing cannabis but if the patient would choose to use cannabis therapeutically, they would monitor his/her progress. I called the doctor, "Will you sign this."

"No, you need to find it somewhere else. I think there is another place you can get it where you don't need doctor's permission." This is after in the meeting he said I could get the place selling medicinal cannabis to call him as he could see its usefullness but could not (legally due to the clinic) prescribe it.

That's when I hit the wall and thought about how I go to a clinic for people who are addicted to drugs, because no one else would take me, because I am a complicated case. He knew this. This is a clinic for homeless drug addicts and my doctor is trying to get me to obtain a drug HE could provide legally for me, instead in an illegal manner through illegal vendors. Why didn't I just go to the waiting room and tell them my doctor wants some drugs and do any of them have some illegal drugs I could buy....or would that be to close to home doc?

He also, after instructing my home care workers two weeks ago that I needed the use of oxygen, demanded, "Why do you use oxygen?" And I again (as this is about the fifth time he has done this) explained why (not that he hasn't put it on me himself when I passed out in his waiting room). So I got in a snit, decided I was fucking tired of spending all my time being treated like a criminal for trying very hard to stay alive in any sort of fashion and that my GP should act like...hell, maybe my doctor of care, instead of someone who is waiting until his mommy gives him permission (Dude, if she doesn't return your calls for four months, a good rule in both dating and specialists is...move on!)

So I decided to simply stop using anything that a doctor had not specifically recommended for my care including the most recent advice that I medically check if I could swallow before I eat because 5% of the time I can't. Does Doc send me to specialist, nope just, "Check it out." So I didn't eat yesterday, on the premise that I am not "medically trained to make that assessment." Didn't drink my gatorade, didn't take pain pills, didn't use the walker or any assistive devices beyond the wheelchair (hey, doctors never said, "Gee, since you fall down every day, how do you get to your toilet?" Cause.....still waiting on Neurologist, I guess, who are experts on going to the toilet?). Didn't use anything at all that was not specifically prescribed or under monitoring by my GP. Which turned out to be nothing at all, no oxygen, nada.

Well, of course, I was too tired to do anything but sleep and when my home care person came at night, I was pretty fucked up but determined not to take pain killers or oxygen. Well, until the pain was so bad I started screaming as loud as I could and I couldn't move and then they put the oxygen on me anyway, and held my hands because I was as weak as a kitten and couldn't pull my hands free to take off the oxygen. So yesterday was sleep, sleep, scream, oxygen, sleep, pain waking me up every hour even ON the maximum of pain killers.

Still kinda pissed off about, well, having a GP who isn't acting like a GP, who is also my GP of last resort. Same GP who hasn't checked my b-12 levels or my thyroid though specialists have asked him to do both, in fact hasn't done much except paperwork and screwed that up too. And VIHA and Juan de Fuca who keep having meetings at my place multiple times a week but have never once asked me, "How are you?" just "11:00 on friday." Click.

So, pissed, but also in pain and feeling stupid but also right back where I was before GOING to the doctors. Or coming back which is a couple hours spent for my doctor to wash his hands of it. Screw him.


ArrogantWorm said...

I know virtually nothing about Canada's healthcare system, just bits and pieces, but, is there anywhere you can turn the moron in to? Someone who will take him to task legally for being irresponsible and an asshole with a dose of idiocy to boot?

em said...

Okay, throw me off your friends list, but isn't it better to at least take good care of yourself where you can? Especially if the asshole doctors won't?

Just sayin...

cheryl g. said...

Motherfucking bastard!

As your adopted sister I reserve the write to be angry on your behalf.

I'm also thinking maybe you should try the - "I know better since it's my body" method and use the aids, oxy and pain pills as you need. Just think about it, OK?...

As for the use of pot... I have used it medicinally but it didn't help with the severe cramps. I don't see it doing that much to help with the pain. I suspect that it will just mess up your ability to focus (read/write/blog) without really easing the pain.

Something else we can discuss...

ms bond said...

Ow indeed! Please stop only taking the doctor's advice and do what you need to. If I could figure out how to send you some pot I would (only I am terribly naive about such things and only know that you pack it in a bag of whole bean sumatran coffee to mail it but have no idea how to obtain it). But honestly...even though I think I have a pretty damn good feeling why you stopped doing the things that keep you oxygenated (not a word is it?) and in a little less pain-I wish you wouldn't. Because I am selfish. I hate that your doctors are srewing things up (and by that I mean your life) and that the care agencies are screwing things up (not only your life but they seem like fuck-ups in general). I guess I am just trying to say that today I felt your pain in your words. Ow! (It makes me understand God and the whole let's wipe out civilization with a giant flood and start all over). I'm thinking of you

Elizabeth McClung said...

arrogantworm: Odd, I thought you were Canadian because The Arrogant Worms are the big Canadian Satirical music group. Um, yes, I can fill out a complaint with the college of physicians and surgeons who will likely write him a letter, however by filing a complaint with the college, I can no longer be under the care of said GP, and since he is the only GP who will take me (tried about 25 others) after the last GP dropped me and I used walk in clinics for months, I am perplexed at what to do. I cannot be under care by other doctor in the clinic because he doesn't believe anyone should take birth control, even if it is for mesntrual cycle regulation and won't treat anyone who uses it (Linda and I both).

Em: Why would I throw you off my friends, list, you make the same points as Linda. I guess my question is, "Why is the Doctor being paid to care of me, and isn't while I am having to run around paying the costs and do the research which he could do, but won't and am in pain every day because he could prescribe me a painkiller, but won't?" Actually it is last one that bothers me the most, I am in pain, he won't act because the neurologist won't return his calls. How is that care?

Cheryl: I do know better and I have explained it to him, I am just waiting for him to get on fucking board. Because spending most of the time with him filling out forms to the federal government telling them I have autonomic failure, MSA, degenerative and then not treating any of my symptoms because he "just isn't sure" does me no good. I wonder how many graves are marked, "The doc, just wasn't sure"

Ms. Bond: All I want the people who are paid to do is take equal responsiblity for my care as I do, and if the only way to do that is through a hospital......But as you say, is it worth hospitalization to make a point? Or as I look at it, how long until I will be hospitalized with all my best self care because my GP will not treat the symptoms of my condition? And yes, so now I am a day or two along but no closer to any form of resolution on any front. Except that the GP wants me to spend money to go to the US to get answers that I don't will appease him. And isn't fronting HIS money. I guess the qestions is how much money would you spend to find out WHICH exact terminal condition you had? $3000, $5000 - after spending $14,000 in medical equipment this year already.

Veralidaine said...

I guess I am even more naive. Why the coffee?

Oh, and I also was under the impression arrogant worm's username referred to the Canadian band. I love them!

Beth, I'm going to start visualizing a miracle that allows you to see the GP in person and provides you with an excellent excuse to claim an involuntary spasm and punch him right in the go-nads, mmmmkay? Use those boxing skills! He clearly knows nothing about your condition, so he wouldn't know it doesn't cause you to box uncontrollably...

Dawn Allenbach said...

Fucking asshole son-of-a-bitch! What is his damage?

As for you not taking your meds or using your oxygen -- *smacks you*. What do you prove to him by killing yourself in the most agonizing way possible? Nothing! It affects him not at all -- in fact it benefits him because you're not calling him and bugging the shit out of him to do his fucking job -- but it certainly hurts you and the people who care for you. You are entitled to a tantrum, but do it by throwing yourself out of your chair in his office.

Sheesh, woman. Don't make me come up there!

cheryl g. said...

Yeah, what Dawn said...

I also 2nd veralidaines's involuntary muscle spasm punch to the gonads idea.

alphabitch said...

This is your imaginary mother speaking. Eat something, dammit. At least a couple of sips of cannabis-flavored gatorade.

You're not getting any ice cream until you do.

Elizabeth McClung said...

Veralidaine: Maybe smuggling - not a big thing, I mentioned my problem and someone is bring me cannibas cookies tomorrow. I guess you just do have to ask around in this town.

True, I have often been tempted with such "spasms" which is why I think it is good I go to the gym because giving someone a tongue whipping (no not the dirty kind, the sarcastic one), is more my style - but yes, I wish he would say, "You've done a great job keeping things together with out much help Elizabeth, let me see how I can help you to improve your quality of life now that I am here." But of course if he or any other medico actually said that I would immediately burst into tears and become a wreck because I am so often treated like a criminal for trying to treat myself and not ever lauded for any info or stats I bring them, much less finding the Mayo or other protocols and instituting them into my life.

I think that is my new mission, to go around and tell people what a great job they have been doing, taking care of themselves and how much work I realize that takes.

Dawn: oh go ahead, smack me, all my best friends abuse me because at the end of the day, the only way I know how to take control is to revert to childhood - just be lucky I didn't try to hold my breath till I turned blue!

I just, don't want to have to face the calling and calling anymore. Haven't you had the days/weeks where you just can't do another runaround and you have 5 or 10 agencies or medicos all on the run around and I would rather regress and throw a tantrum than face one more day like that. But falling down on his floor would be more interesting, admittedly.

Cheryl: Maybe rubber bands, they can make a pretty nasty sting.

cheryl g. said...

Hmmm... we'll have to compare notes about the cannabis cookies after you try that.

em said...

Dude, what Dawn said. Wow, I want her in my corner.

Oh, I get reverting to childhood behaviors and I get self destructive behavior. I just work pretty hard not doing it now. Because like Dawn said, it isn't hurting the jerks who need hurting.