Saturday, February 02, 2008

Lesbian Porn, Hell Springs, Eternally Horny and other Saturday plans

The best of intentions, eh? I decided that I was going to write a nice, light, fluffy blog with lots of snappy lines and everyone could have a good time. Except……except I just spent three hours on the phone dealing with stuff from a very dark place and about dark personal things and I have no idea where things are or where I am except I seem in some sort of emotional vortex like an soul sucking BLACK HOLE (Whatever I do, I never reach escape velocity, nor does it seem to end).

So let us move on from there to try and clear up something which has been annoying me; a search that keeps showing up about “straight men watching lesbian porn.” Okay, first, the MASSIVE amount of available porn which is listed as “lesbian” and has two women making out in sort of a cheesy way is not “lesbian porn” it is “straight porn showing how straight men fantasize about lesbians.” If you are unclear check your porn: Is it from Black Cat studios? Does one of the women have a crew cut or short hair? Does at least one of the women have smallish breasts? Do the actors use the word “Butch” in the film? If the answer is no then you do NOT have lesbian porn. What you have is the giant industry of appeasing men by titillating them with ‘lesbian named’ straight male porn.

Second point, a straight guy watching this is not GAY, but maybe just affirming his straight heterosexual nature (and heterosexist nature that women are there for pleasing men, even if by doing things so men can watch). Okay? No worries if you are a guy and attracted to two women making out, unless you have a boyfriend named Bruce in which case you have a case of repressed heterosexuality. Good luck with that.

Linda and I have been planning our trip to Japan which for me involves things like Dressing as a Geisha and getting Anime figures and for Linda involves going places that have good pictures. For instance she is obsessed with one place that has hot springs. I point that we could go to OTHER hot springs as there are MANY tourist resorts with hot springs. Well it turns out that because these hot springs are made by volcanoes they are DIFFERENT colours and thus, very good for photographing. So, we are going to the Hell Springs so yes, we go to a hot spring while in Japan but more important……for Linda, we get to take MANY pictures.

Thanks everyone for being so supportive and THERE over these last few days (seriously, your support and comments have made a real difference!), I was supposed to make my recovery today and I am starting to, but kind of put it back with the emotional hell thing. Oh well, I am sure there is a good movie quote for this like from Batman Begins, “Why do we fall?” A: “So that we can talk in a weird gravely voice and jump around on rooftops.” Oh, was there some OTHER theme I was supposed to get from that film?

I guess I should head out and turn my chair into the BATCHAIR which has like rocket launchers (okay, this is sounding pretty sweet), but I will spend some time with Linda and try to get through one day (maybe tomorrow?) with say, a little less opiates than the day before. Little goals, like, today I had a shower and no, we didn’t play, “Hide the ducky!” I wish I had the energy for that. Actually, I just got a junk email which promises me “You will be ready for sex every minute of your life” – well, there were a bunch of misspellings but that is what I think they wanted to promise. And it kind of sounds attractive to Chronic Girl (Me!). I guess, I have to wonder if I will get enough sleep between masturbating? See, this is what my life is reduced to; I get the PROMISE of eternal horny anticipation and I wonder if it will interrupt my delicate routine. Sad, pathetic really. Where is the spirit of adventure, the desire to see if I sex myself into a heart attack?

Ummmm.....let me know if you want to sex yourself into a heart attack and I will send you the junk mail (hey, I want to go to JAPAN first!).

14 comments:

tornwordo said...

Now that you've aptly described it, I don't think I've ever seen lesbian porn. Of course that's not all that surprising.

And that post below, I can't imagine anything more surreal.

Katrin said...

Black Holes. Very familiar with Black Holes of emotional hell, been in one myself as of late, hence why no supportive comments, though was reading and thought you probably very much needed them, sorry about that. Escape velocity is very elusive, I agree 100%.

Those hot springs look awesome! I hope Linda is able to get lots and lots of photos.

KateJ said...

Personally I can't see the point in porn. Whatever turns you on... OK. But porn, the very concept of it, seems to be saying that sexual arousal can be packaged, standardised, mass-produced, sold. That particular positions, acts, combinations of man+woman or man+man or woman+woman having (or more likely pretending to have) a sexual experience of some kind will be arousing. Maybe I'm a prude or something, but it does nothing for me at all.
But hey, whatever turns you on...

Lene Andersen said...

Oh, that photo from the volcanic hot springs had me drooling. I'm with Linda - I think I could take photos for HOURS there!

No thanks on the eternal horny. Think it might hurt too much, says the Thenthitive girl. Sigh.

cheryl g. said...

So called lesbian porn... shudder. I have this straight friend who orders vibrators online. They sometimes send bonuses with her order and when it is "lesbian" porn dvds she gives them to me. Yuch!

I once went into a bookstore in Las Vegas run by a gay man. I had heard he stocked gay and lesbian porn. I found a wall full of gay porn and a small section for lesbians that contained 6 copies of "Desert Hearts" and 2 copies of "Bound". Huh?

OOOh, a Batchair... that would be so totally awesome! At work they purchased an iBOT wheelchair for M who is paraplegic. He is having loads of fun taking it up and down stairs. (Since our offices are in a historical building we're not allowed to modify it - solution, an iBOT.)

Hellsprings look really cool!

So far I've never been able to masturbate enough to kick my PAT into reacting but for the sake of science I will keep trying...

shiva said...

I'm actually not really into porn at all (sex is something i would like to do, not to watch other people do... maybe watching porn is something i might want to do with a pertner, if i ever find a partner, but certainly not on my own - all that would inspire in me is bitterness and envy)... but, if i ever did want to watch porn, i'd rather watch "lesbian" porn than "straight" porn, for the simple reason that i wouldn't be able to find anything sexy that had a visible male body in it.

And for me it would definitely be "real" lesbian porn as opposed to be "fake" lesbian porn, as i find women with the "straight" model/actress look (big fake-looking breasts, skinny waists, long skinny totally hairless legs, etc) almost as visually unattractive as men. Short hair, small-to-medium breasts, all natural body hair unashamedly present, and complete opposition to weight-loss dieting are all T3h Sexy to me.

Why do all the women i fancy have to be lesbians?

(In fact, probably 80% of the women i meet are lesbians, and probably 90%+ of the women in the UK disability rights movement.)

I think part of my problem is that i actually think lesbianism is the most rational and sensible sexuality for a woman, and in fact the straight woman is the gender/sexuality combination i have least ability to comprehend. You've got one of those awesome bodies, and yet you exclusively fancy those ugly, big-handed, flat-chested things?

Meh, i dunno. Sorry for not commenting on your last few posts - i've been thinking about you a lot, but not had my own head together enough for anything meaningful to say in response...

Dawn Allenbach said...

Let's plot out Batchairs together, OK?

Hell, I wish I had the energy/desire to masturbate, let alone sex myself into a heart attack. Although, with the way my social life has been, a guy asking me out would give me a heart attack.

Elizabeth McClung said...

Tornwordo: I think I've seen about 15 or 30 seconds of gay porn and about 2 hours of Brian getting blow jobs in Queer as Folk - it didn't really do much for me, but again, so so suprising.

But I keep getting these google searches: "man who watches lesbian porn is he straight?" and the like coming here so I though I would do my "public service" for the week.

Katrin: I understand, sometimes it is just getting one minute to come after the other minute without your brain exploding.

Well, you are just feeding Linda's habit.....you, you enabler - now she is going, "See, look at all those comments, THEY want to go to those springs TOO."

KateJ: I agree, it doesn't do much for me, even in films where the first few minutes are interesting and like, "we could try that" but then, it seems to work for some people so hey, whatever makes the world go round - just trying to point out that so far haven't run into a lot of lesbians who wax entire body hair and spend most of the day in bikinis wandering from one house to another to find women to have sex with......except in the L-word of course.

Lene: see, Now Linda is all encouraged and we have already bought 10 Gigs of photo memory cards. I think you and Linda would get along great as that is the first thing she said too - ohhhh, wouldn't "almost ready to orgas, all the time hurt a LOT?"

Cheryl: That's pretty funny about the store because Linda was "Are there any sex scenes in the film" - I think there is like one in the motel? Anyway, they might as well put Better than Chocolate or Hunger which both have 6 or 7 minute love scenes. But there is real lesbian porn, made mostly by Black Cat studios and another french company. And now Wolfe Videos and other distributors are putting out more explicit lesbian oriented films.

Yeah, a tank chair is good, but how do you take it apart for the taxi ride?

Please keep trying and let us know....for the sake of science!

Shiva: Well, I pretty much happen to agree with the male body, there are some shot of guys with shaved upper bodies like the father's with a new baby shot which are nice but not sexy but like aesthetically appealing.

Also agree that straight women baffle me, the whole "You REALLY find that attractive, come on you can tell me, you're parents aren't here, you don't have to please anyone, you really like guys?" But whatever works. I did however spend a great deal of time staring at Brad Pitt and Orlando Bloom trying to figure out the "attraction"

Um, well, I know quite a few heterosexual disabled women but I don't know many who are like, mobile very much. Sorry. I leave that to Zephyr, once she comes out of her perpetual love bliss she can play matchmaker.

Dawn: Yes, I want a chair which makes a giant Bass sound and smashes through walls and leads police cars on a chase.

Honestly, that is the other problem I didn't want to mention, which is I get "in the mood" but am either too fatigued or in too much pain to act on it - Masturbation which goes, "Owwww! Oh let me try this arm, OW! Dammit, why is my hand is spasm?" Just ain't that sexy (or efficient).

cheryl g. said...

Linda's right those films have limited sex scenes, I think one each. I just found the whole "lesbian Porn" section of the store too funny. Yeah, lets hear it for Black Cat Studios. Happily Good Vibrations carries them too.

M. only uses his tank chair at work to do stairs. Otherwise he uses a titanium manual chair very similar to yours.

I am a scientist (at least that's what my diploma says) so I will definitely keep trying the experiment.

Raccoon said...

when you mention bat chair the first thing that popped into my head was Oracle/Batgirl from the badly acted television show a couple of years ago "Birds of Prey." That seemed like a pretty cool chair...

http://www.gothamclocktower.com/dina1.htm

Took me long enough to find that. If I remember correctly, it's a real chair from Invacare, with some cosmetics.

I, being male, naturally have a couple handfuls of DVDs. Most of them I've never watched -- never taken out of their wrappers -- and the couple that I have I've ended up fast forwarding through the sex scenes. They are boring and don't do anything for my libido. The same with stories with sex in them, be they romance or fan fiction or drama. I'm reading for the story rather than the old in-out.

People always did tell me I was strange...

rachelcreative said...

Go Go Gadget Chair!

The only problem of course with jazzing up your chair is that I read on a disability forum that it's not a great idea to take your chair with you on airlines as they tend to come out at baggage claim with bent wheels and the like. Better to rent one at your destination.

(I have no personal experience of this by the way - it just seemed the consensus that most people had experienced damage which often rendered the chair unusable. Others said they had not had a problem - I guess it depends on your chair and your airline and your baggage handlers!)

But I suppose if you had a proper bat chair you could probably fly yourself, Linda and all your luggage to Japan yourself ;)

Veralidaine said...

Ack! Faux-Lesbian porn image at work!

*scrolls down in a hurry*

I should know better than to read you on a Monday with coworkers behind me :P But thanks for the laugh! And have fun in the hot springs!

Donimo said...

Another clue to faux les porn is long nails! Ick. "Pour Une Nuit" is a very, very hot French dyke and trans porn film and also features good music! There is real stuff out there. Personally, I like porn of all sorts as long as it has intensity, seems real and the soundtrack isn't too irritating. Plenty of women, both straight and queer, love porn. Last year, the first Feminist Porn Awards were held in Toronto. I don't need my porn to be feminist, but this well-attended event shows that it's a myth that men being are the only visual ones.

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