Thursday, February 14, 2008

Beth's Valentine's "I am a big perv!" post

Well, what to talk about on Valentine’s Day? Certainly not the origins of Valentine's which are seen in Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar as Mark Anthony ran through the streets lashing women with a whip made from a bull scrotum for fertility (and to proclaim Caesar as God). Oh those good old Lupercalia days!

I, on my way to boxing had to pass though a hall of guys playing shirts v. skins. It was worse than the shudders of summer, seeing the running rugs of chest and back undulating and jiggling and they ran down the court shouting “Over here Brad!” So a definate no on bringing back the naked men. But that is probably my orienation talking

I got a load of manga delivered to me this Valentines (Which Linda and I are celebrating Friday I think); all the good Yuri Titles like First Sister as well as my Yaoi titles (Yuri is girl/girl romance, Yaoi is boy/boy romance but all are considered Shojo meaning “Books for girls” not Shonen meaning “Books for boys”). If you are in doubt, open the pages and see, are there giant boobs and a LOT of panty shots.....? Then those are Shonen books (for Boys), also the guys will look square jawed. If you open it up and aren’t quite sure which are the boys and which are the girls, all willowy with long hair and you can only tell by the school uniform......that is Shojo.

Manga and Home Care do not always mix, as for example I had an “oxygen training session” in my flat and while people where waiting some workers picked up a pile of manga I had accidentally left. Sure, not very respectful but they were going, “Oh, how cute.” And I had my eyes bug out and said, “Could you bring those here…right now!” In a firm voice because what one woman had was a book which advertised lesbian/yuri themes but turned out to be Shonen (accidents in ordering can happen, alas!). So yeah, huge breasted girls who get caught up in their clothes in changing rooms and trip and fall into their friend’s huge breasts. Not exactly what I wanted my workers to think of as my main literary interests (which are girls holding hands and kissing behind the library).

Then today, having a shower and the worker was, “Oh manga, I’ve heard of that, cool, you have to write down some titles for me.” She picked a book at random.

I said (naked at the time), “Ah, that’s Yaoi, do you know what that means?” Blank look, I continued, “It is a romance book, but is about two guys.”

I get odd stare at book and then at ME.
“Actually in Japan and Asia, 70% of the romances sold are now Yaoi.”

She looks harder at the book. Starts to open it. It is one of the 18+ rated books I imported and has well, too many sex scene for ME (I like the flirting and romance and humor and kissing but no need for lots of pages and pages of explicit male/male sex.....but that’s just me, a lot of women, the more explicit the better). So, here I have a couple seconds to decide, let her open it, what if it is an explicit sex scene and then she looks at me (still naked, still needing to be showered)? So I kind of said, “That one isn’t really a good one to start with.” Her hand unerringly goes toward a Yaoi I haven’t even finished reading because I’ve yet to find much of a plot BETWEEN so many sex scenes. So I distracted her by telling her there was Yuri, how there are girl/girl romances.

“They print those too?”
The tone of voice didn’t seem to be one that was helping things, so I got her away from super-sex Yaoi book and showed her a book from the library for teens. “Here is one that is shojo for girls and it is a boy/girl romance, they do those too!” (Yeah…they do, you just don’t find a LOT of them in my apartment). So she leafed through that and I sighed in relief. Ironically, the library, which I don’t think knows ANYTHING about manga ordered some YAOI and put it in the teen section. Some actually rather racy Yaoi. After a few months (and after I borrowed them), they disappeared, either because a) Some librarian actually looked inside what they had put in the teen section or (more likely), b) they have not been returned and are making some 15-17 year old VERY happy with well worn pages.

So, I guess I will have the manga sale soon (for the money for Japan) and then my house will be free of Yaoi (not the Yuri, I am keeping that), until…I bring a bunch of REALLY explicit stuff back from Japan. Just kidding, I just am not that into penis, no matter how romantically portrayed and femme the guy. Okay, well that sentence just lit up a few “work safe” lights (sorry). I do however find penis jokes in Yaoi to be funny as the Uke (the younger guy on the bottom) towards the end of the book finally is able to accept his feelings, they agree to sex, the other guy drops his pants, the “bit” is blanked out and all we see is the panicked look on the Uke’s face and the “No Way!” before he faints (lot of fainting guys in Yaoi).

I guess this isn’t so much the Valintines day blog as the “Beth is a big perv” blog. On that note, I am concerned because I usually get a bit of eyebrow threading done every couple months but being so tired and so many tests, I wonder, “Do I have the Frau Brow?” This is what occupies my mind, along with wondering if I can get the home care to shave my legs (they shave my pits!).

I was also a little disturbed by this new care giver who showered me (my regular person was sick). My regular person has a policy, bum and Area 51 is yours and I do the rest. While today the worker, who was very good in communicating, would say, “I’m spreading your legs now to rinse up there!” And I am thinking, “Oh, I know!” And I can’t remember the last time someone other than Linda did this and I’m really not sure how I should feel about it? I mean, there is showering, and there is clinical and then there is the massage water wand pulsing water up and down over your clit as a person you met 20 minutes ago is spreading your legs for you.

So if you are in home care and have a policy on that, let me know. Because I have a hard time being, er, objective. I’m not aroused so much as....well disturbed and receiving sensate from my shower wand.


Veralidaine said...

Yay yaoi! ^_^

Yeah, not much to say other than that, sorry. Off to reminisce with my best friend about when we both discovered said materials, and probably convince him to go buy some with me...

alphabitch said...

Well, there's a reason I call my shower wand thingy 'the orgasmatron' but I'm not sure I would be comfortable having someone else deploy it in a way that was to, you know, directional, if you see what I mean. On the other hand, it's an effective way to rinse, and good hygiene is important. And I think it's a good idea to have her saying aloud what she is doing - you can certainly tell her you're uncomfortable (if you are) either with what she's doing or what she's saying. I think that's part of the idea of saying it out loud -- it is supposed to relieve you of the burden of bringing up what may or may not be awkward subjects, and to reduce jarring transitions from one thing to another.

cheryl g. said...

Yahoo! Let's hear it for the pervs!

I would consider it basic courtesy as a caregiver to ask my client whether they are comfortable having me do something before I do it. PWD's already have to submit to losing so much autonomy that giving them control whenever possible is very important.

As the client, if you aren't comfortable with having your caregiver wash certain areas and you are functional enough to take care of it yourself then speak up and tell them you'll do it. They should be sensitive to your comfort levels and follow your wishes.

About your BBC column... I'm still pissed at Triumph!

raccoonKathleen said...

What? I can't try getting some Yuri from you? Shucks.

On a similar vein -- anyone want some erotic bishojo adventure games? I have a lot of them that I got before I realized that I couldn't play them without using my hands... They're just taking up space here. I think about 2 feet of bookshelf space...

As for your new caregiver, it's what you are comfortable with. Here in the states, "technically" it's not legal -- some sort of sexual harassment by a person in authority if they don't give you a choice, and harassment if you continually ask them to do it.

But, since you have a wife already, you asking them for it would probably count as cheating, unless your relationship is open, so I doubt you'd be asking them for it...

She is telling you what she's doing, which is allowing you to say yes or no. If you're not comfortable with it, say so, and tell her how you're used to doing it.

Now, as you further lose the use of your hands, things might change. Probably will change. At that time, you'll have to get used to a different way of doing things.


FridaWrites said...

Tag, You're It!

(No graphics allowed, Elizabeth! Well, maybe.)

belledame222 said...

What Cheryl said. I'm still reading your follow-up piece, but...yeah. jesus.

as per this:

So a definate no on bringing back the naked men. But that is probably my orienation talking

heh. see, way i think of it is: "orientation," at least in my case, mostly translates to higher standards for those i am not orientated toward. i.e. i am still more appreciative of say John Barrowman than, I dunno, Drew Carey. but would also have much laxer standards for women, aesthetically speaking.

ms.cripchick said...

i wish i had some advice as someone who uses home health care services but i don't...

however this was my favorite part today:
“Here is one that is shojo for girls and it is a boy/girl romance, they do those too!”

: )

how has it been overall for you to be out and have straight home health care people? i'm not in a space where i have that opportunity yet (to be out) but am hoping things will change when i can.. eventually does it get okay w/ PAs?

Marla said...

Happy Belated Valentine's Day Sweetie! I would have been a tad shocked if I had that shower experience too. Yikes! Asking you first would have been warranted. Gadz!

Elizabeth McClung said...

I can't believe I never replied on this one.

Veralidaine: Yay Yaoi indeed! I love Same Celled Organism and the Day I became a butterfly - very beautiful artwork (even Linda thinks so).

Alphabitch: yes, I am a great advocate for good hygiene but on the other hand...I guess I was caught by surprise and sort of was, "Um what is going on here and where is it going?" I did however tell her I was going to wash my area 51 and pulled myself up with the bars, at which point (without comment) she started attacking my bum with soap and lufa. Errr.....are you sure we didn't meet at some club?

Cheryl: Yes, I think a discussion on what is the plan would be good. As my normal shower person came back today said, "Don't they know you can wash that yourself" - I was like, "Um, didn't ask."

Raccoon: Nope, but I can recommend the best Yuri and where to get it (3 for 4 at Amazon is good or Discountanimedvd with free shipping). I still have my dating sims to go through but are the bishojo ones explicit or not, because if they are like the usual sims, I am guessing they are very explicit - I am curious, does the person play the Uke? or the arg, what is the name of who is on top - Momo? I think playing one as a Uke would be a real mind trip.

Frida: Thanks, I will try to get back to this as soon as possible.

Belledame222: well, oddly, I like guys like Pierce Brosnan (Reminton Steel Days) and Rupert Everet - but only as long as they have thier clothes on - while woman have such a variety of beauty from butch to femme, with all sorts of delightful body shapes. Only really limit is the Duct Tape Breast women at Pride events simply becuase all I can think of is: "Yeah, but you got to rip it off later!"

Ms. Cripchick: see, I can dip into hetero world on occasion. As the need requires. Um, having straight female workers is a bit odd, let's say that you learn a LOT of pathetic pick up lines (like "Look at my Esso Card, That baby is maxed with $1000 of gas!") and kind of keep wondering why they can't see what I can, that if they could confide in a guy they way they can in me or talk so easily to me, they would be super happy - so why not be happy and.....nevermind, not recruiting - it is hard because you don't know if they are religious or HOW religious and even if they are "cool with it" often that doesn't mean "cool with it" when your screen saver is you making out or semi-naked Angelina Jolie while they would EXPECT to see Brad Pitt and think nothing of it. I tend toward assertive butchy or bi-sexual type women as my regulars because we get on better and though they are straight because we have similar personalities we accept that we aren't going to change each other and also accept that explicit details might be best saved for someone else (particuarly that I don't want to hear any "His penis was SO big" stories)

Marla: Yeah, it is sort of like having a surpise breast exam - while it might be part of health care, you really need warning.