Sunday, January 27, 2008

Things I think about in bed, and why I need to get out MORE

It is hard to get too philosophical when you spend so much time in your head and in the bed. Or rather it is dead easy to get totally wacky philosophical and come up with plans like, “If only everyone sat round big tables and had some nice trifle with tasty sponge cake, how much better would the world be!” Which is NOT what I am going to blog about (remember, I’m staring at stucco wall so soon enough I start to see the map of India and the face of Cary Grant).

Seriously, sometimes when I am bored I come up with what I call “The New White Paper” (which was Canada's theoretical defense plan for the invasion of the US). I come up with time frames and ways for different powers or groups to successfully wage war against the US (I’m sorry, I mean successfully liberate the US against the oppression. For instance where less than a majority of the population turns out to vote, which must be because of living in a terror state which needs liberation. Or maybe the way Afghanistan was sold as invading for the rights of women, they will invade for the rights of LGBT people). The most fascinating thing about the US is that right now it is much like Japan in WWII; a military mindset but with huge supply lines and without high end production (no current capacity to turn into basic war time manufacturing due to outsourcing, Just In Time delivery and problems like….credit). For example, instead of engaging the US on land, why not target every single oil tanker and start blowing every exposed pipeline (I can point a few (psst-Alaska?)). Does the US really have the navy needed to protect EVERY oil tanker? Then of course, we have already seen how easy it is to isolate US airspace (they shut it down themselves). I mean, the Monroe doctrine was created for a reason; the US cannot maintain supply lines they currently need without near GLOBAL air and sea coverage. Okay, I think I will stop there since I am now deeply on the FBI, CIA, Homeland security and NIC bot lists. I hope the blog checker enjoys the panty shots.

See, this is why I don’t comment on politics; it is not like I WANT the US invaded…well this weekend. It is just I know there are so many people employed to figure out ways to wage war on China and places like that, so who is left to make a simple 12 point plan for isolating, depleting and THEN engaging the US? (one last thing, if any CIA types are reading this, what exactly did you give France to drop that communications deal with China? And did you anticipate their reaction in working toward being the largest ship manufacturer in the world? I mean, they don’t have a high tech communication system and they shot down a satellite – what does that tell you about their tracking abilities? I would like to point out that some of the most effective early resistance against US troops in Iraq was organized by SEMAPHORE!)

Sorry, that got off track, I just loved the idea of that; US has satellites and planes flying higher than anti-aircraft can shoot and navel missiles guided in a mile away with joysticks and high-tech communications and jamming and they are fighting guys who are sending each other instructions using flags. Just seemed somewhat ironic.

Sorry, I used to be a big military geek, well, not actually a military geek so much as collecting data of how successful different types of geurrilla warfare was against different types of military. I don’t collect that anymore; too time consuming. I should think of nicer things, it is just, as far as chess goes, going up against the US and winning is, well, there are lots of possibilities. My last great idea was actually created by a russian scientist before being pulled in “trade negotiations” which was a jammer for guided anything. Each guided missile costs $1,000,0000 – I think the jammer was $500. I was also a big fan of just making the air space completely unusable if I could only find a way to fill it with weightless ball bearings (really bad things to suck into jet engines). I was also a big fan of making an entire airspace combustible. Like I said, I get bored – see now why I should get a job that challenges me.

Gosh, I really have nattered on about very odd things indeed. I should point out that I actually am a US citizen which in previous years would mean that, hey, I may be critical and a little worried about defense, but hey, still a citizen. I think these days it mean I will soon disappear because I have indicated thoughts that are a threat to freedom (read the economist, the world is a fucking soap opera!).

Anyone here see Sicko? I just have to wonder how Michael Moore and so many other people missed the irony of “first class health care” in a facility at Gitmo where even the president has admitted that torture or whatever name they call it this week happens. Hey, why wouldn’t you have top notch health care when even trying to commit suicide at Gitmo is considered an act of “asymmetrical warfare.”

In a completely related thought, I WANT the backwards naming job – you know how when something horrible happens but it is called something else. I want that job. So like, being thrown down the stairs by police due to your religion or race is called, “Prisoner Health & Safety Checks” or how when a plant leaks bleach into your drinking water it is, “Project Environmental Education and Development.” That has got to be the greatest job in the world due to the amount of drugs you get for free.

Oh god, it is time to post the blog. And this blog is supposed to be what I think and live with; well actually, I don’t have any arms or books on making bombs or junk like this, but I do tend to actually think about for example, how many people would starve to death if a 8.0 earthquake hit the LA area (since most stores have to restock food from trucks every 8-12 hours and almost every freeway is sitting on a fault line). I’m a disaster freak, I admit it.

I was in Hungarian embassy when suddenly the guards turned guns on those in line and started to close the doors of the embassy and I had a ticket to Prague. I was with the crowd which was climbing the walls while the soldiers inside starting building machine gun nests. I decided to ask (half way up the wall), “What is going on?”

“Civil War has started…in Prague.”

Ahhh. God, now I REALLY wanted to get on that train but in the end, no stamp, no get on train. Is this the thinking of a sane person. I actually stood UNDER a tornado laughing hysterically until I was tackled and dragged to safety. Same reaction in my 5.1 earthquake; spontaneous laughter. I was in the doorway and things were flying off the shelves and I was having a blast, I even shouted, “Um, I wouldn’t stand in that GLASS doorway.” Sorry; I’ve been in a hurricane at sea and two on land; one I just rolled over and looked outside and said, “Wake me if it upgrades” and went back to sleep.

There, try to find THAT in the DSM IV.


pete said...

If there's Sherry in that trifle, count me in!


alphabitch said...

'Spin Doctors' I think is what they call those people, at least informally. Those PR operatives in charge of re-directing attention, I mean. I think you'd be awesome at it, by the way.

And as your imaginary mother, I can only add proudly, 'that's my girl!'

Have you seen the movie 'Thank you for smoking?' I think that's what it's called; it's about a PR hack for the tobacco industry. You might enjoy it as an alternative to the maps of India & Cary Grant on the walls.

Lisa Harney said...

This may be the most informative blog post I've ever read. I mean, just in terms of things I either didn't know, or knew but didn't bother to connect (like, I know how often stores need to be restocked. I even knew that disasters screw that up. I didn't know that all of LA's freeways are on fault lines).

I remember living in Monterey, California. The first time there was a tremor, it freaked me the heck out. Within a month, I was just ignoring them. Once, my alarm clock failed to ring, but the earth shook about two minutes before it would have gone off and woke me up anyway. No real earthquake, but the tremors were just "eh, whatever." Both of the Earthquakes I have felt happened while I lived in Oregon, but I was far from the epicenter.

I've only been through one hurricane, when I lived in Florida. I remember falling asleep to howling winds with my window open (I sleep with a window open in the dead of winter if I can manage it without complaints from housemates), and sudden silence waking me up.

Twice, I've been in areas declared disaster areas, but my own routine was not upset greatly.

Oh, yeah, war - the other fun thing about Monterey was Fort Ord, which was still active at the time. Right after I moved down there, Bush Sr. sent the military after Noriega, and the 8th Light Infantry was sent in, which meant really frakking loud transports taking off all night.

At least that meant an end to the all-night live-fire exercises, though. Because, you know, not being able to sleep because of all the gunfire you hear outside is not a calming experience.

No television viewable from bed? :(

Elizabeth McClung said...

Pete: Yes, in the end eating trifle might build a better world, and one where I am not locked away.

Alphabitch: Yeah, I loved that Thank You for Smoking and actually sent away to tobacco companies to get thier materials so the 9th grade class I was teaching could debate it (something about teaching them there are lies, liars and damn statistics). It is just I really want to know how a bunch of people sit around a table and go: "Well, that military operation actually bombed most of the town, it is abandoned or in rubble and we killed 10% of the civilians.....I say we go with 'Operation Liberating Freedom'" Just too surreal.

Lisa: Yeah, let us bond as disaster buffs. Actually my university Geology teacher, besides helping us pan for gold would do a summer tour showing that 14 out of 16 disaster centers are actually right on fault lines and he would show how most hospitals and police stations are too. The thing is the fault lines make really nice straight jagged lines which are seperated from the hillside, so when you build, you don't have to blast or tunnel if you just follow right on top of the fault line, so that is what they did. That teacher was a pretty fun guy, he would show up different earthquakes and ways to die, like the guy who was chased through two rooms before being crushed by his fridge!

The 5.1 I was I think .5 miles from the epicentre. So that one was pretty cool. Except I couldn't go to work because the elevators were broken in the mall along with most of the glass, etc.

But seriously, if you read the Economist and most of the major world papers, you can actually see this whole wierd soap opera being played out. So for instance the EU says, "We are not part of Nato and can do deals with China" and then counties will set up deals, and then they will pull deals and then two weeks later they will announce that they are getting a bunch of new fighters from the US. Like I could never figure out why the president of Venezuala could go around saying that the US was evil and trying to kill him until I found out exactly how high up it is as an exporter to the US in oil because of that, when it went to Iran and tried to get Iran to agree that they should both STOP selling to the US or should Double thier prices (things that in the 50's would get you assassinated), the US does.......nothing. Not until it can get the rest of the oil reserves in Iraq and Saudi up and running, then whammo, he's gone! But it isn't just US, for instance, there was an economic study which showed that so much of Taiwan exported goods are outsourced to China "free towns" that it is almost economically impossible for China to actually invade Taiwan anymore, they are just too closely connected economically. Oh well, like I said, I don't follow the soap opera which is the world stage anymore.

Veralidaine said...

The conclusion I have drawn from this post: I need to travel more and be in more natural disasters.

Also, even if you don't have a very long life expectancy right now, if you let me write your obituary I am changing your birthdate so it looks like you were at least 200- 'cause otherwise the amount of stuff you have done will shame me far too much as a lesser being who actually would rather NOT, say, spelunk in active volcanoes... (you're going to respond and say you've done that, aren't you?)

Raccoon said...

I just messed the Loma Prieta in San Francisco -- I moved here a year later.

My first earthquake was actually in Massachusetts. 1982, just before the end of the school day. It sounded & felt like a big truck going by. I've felt lots of tiny earthquakes since. The most "damage" that I've felt were seen in my home shook my bed a couple of times or tipped a book over on a bookshelf.

Snowstorms and blizzards, on the other hand... I think it was 1978 or 79 that I was driving a pickup with a snow plow in Massachusetts. That was fun. Driving a 1973 VW bug 80 miles in a blizzard. Found out later that at least two of the roads that I used had been closed by the state police...

Fun times.

Would you being a US citizen be affecting your disability status in Canada? I know it shouldn't, but that doesn't mean anything...

Lene Andersen said...

This reminded me of Pinky and the Brain (I'd obviously be Pinky). Except, I think you might be more succesful if let loose.

cheryl g. said...

We'll have to compare world domination notes sometime where the CIA can't readily access the conversation. I do enjoy the topics you bring up!

anabel said...

Interesting post! You remind me of Wiley E Coyote when he would call himself a "super genius." Actually I remembered it as "super evil genius" and thought it was Marvin the Martian but got corrected by my super genius son when I asked him for the exact quote. Mind like a steal trap that boy!

I guess were all on that "list" now!

ms bond said...

Oh thank God. I thought I was the only person who thought of terrifying ways that enemies could totally destroy the good ol' US of A's infastructure. It's not that I am not patriotic (complete collection of Jefferson's and Madison's writings anyone?) its just that I am not so sure about this whole "super power"thing. There's only one way to go and that is down. Which experiance has taught me you can do gracefully or with a loud bump and corresponding pain. So I vote gracefully and in cooperation with others. I used to write to President Bush every day. I figured he should take into account the various musings of at least one of his constituents. I am pretty sure that my emails went immediatly into the junk mail folder because the White House computer generated responses got stashed in my junk email folder. I mean they probably handed off my name to a secret intelligiance agency that could let you know how many times I've had sex in the past 7 years first but then decided I'm not a threat. ("man she talks big and stuff but she can hardly walk"). I just keep thinking we are totally screwed when that overdue tsunami hits the Oregon coast- fascinating stuff- or it would be if my Mom didn't live there. And then what is the US going to do (form a new disaster response team perhaps?)? Thank you...this post made me smile (see someone else spends their spare time thinking of this stuff too). I hope you don't have too many Captain Kangaroo moments but if you the Kashmir region part of your map of India?

Elizabeth McClung said...

Veralidaine: well, I wouldn't actually advocate any of the stuff unless you LIKE disasters, which I do; I mean Linda and I used to do what we called "Disaster tourism" where if say a group in Turkey said, "We will kill all westerns" it turns out the prices for airplane trip and hotel was REALLY cheap soon we went. We follow in the footsteps of my father's mother who used to do the same and talked about how nice it was to see places without the tourists and get police escorts everywhere with your tour bus (she went to Egypt AFTER they had blow up a few tourist buses).

Um, as for doing Vulcanology, I have been on or in a few volcanos, but I am not a daredevil, you don't see me asking for a titanium kayak or anything.

Racoon: alright, a fellow disasterist! I complete forgot the crazy blizzard and snow storm driving, I once drove between Brandon and Winnipeg using the feel of the ruts in the road to know where I was - and my literally stupidist act ever - driving about 85 mph on ice with an engine that had died about 10 times that night already in -40 degree weather to get Linda to the train station on time to see her parents (NEVER, EVER, AGAIN!). See, now I just do stupid things with my wheelchair and today they called me from Vancouver telling me about how they needed to talk now because of the storm and I almost said, "What storm? Ha!" but I didn't, that's like a sign of maturity right!

Lene: NArf! You don't know the number of times I responded in respite or ER's to them saying "Do you have plans?" or "Are you going be okay?" and saying, "Oh yes, I going to do what I do everyday.....try to take over the world." Only to have them stare at me with complete bewildment (and "I think we need to call for a psych eval." written across thier face) - one of the cultural reference you need to be sure the other person understands.

Cheryl: Totally, next time you come to "soft target" (you know that country which has the fourth largest oil reserve in the world and only 12 tanks) we can compare notes.

Anabel: yes, brave for commenting but now you are added to "the list" in the deep bowels of Homeland Security (and they have very irritable bowels indeed). I will try (very hard) and pretend that being compared to Wiley E. Coyote, a creature who regularly gets an anvil to the head, is a compliment!

Ms. Bond: wow, I tend to get cranky and do letters for a few days but you really did the whole mile. I am in awe. I only hope you DID NOT put some of your observations of how easy it is to go down in a boom in the letters or you are right and people are trying to figure out what MS is code for right now ("I think is it a new explosive!"). Actually, considering some of the long term thinking of the people involved (Remember the "I can assure you we will have a full operational democratic government and be out in 45 days....we have a plan"), I am concerned they might have watched too many Bond movies and figure that Person in Wheelchair=Evil Genius. (now we are BOTH in for it!)