Monday, December 17, 2007

Xmas bitterness, those "crafty" people and yuri/lesbian anime

Well, the Xmas wasteland is upon us. Either that or I am a crap writer since my comments went from 16 a day to three. My guess is that everyone is busy doing whatever it is that people who keep Xmas do – which from the way people seem to be moaning this week, can’t be all that fun. It honestly sounds like the annual “bad sex with the ex while drunk.” Which I guess makes me question why so many people do it year after year if you aren’t having fun. I mean I know there are those who have FUN at Xmas – they are the ones who start decorating in October and have Santa’s Elves fighting the Pirates of the Caribbean on their rooftop. Then there are the people who manage to do craft things, which is why I refer to these as “crafty” people; not just for their ability to make something but to make something which takes a fair wack of time without us noticing.

My least favorite crafty person is someone I know who does cross-stitch. Let me tell you, cross-stitch is a bitch; I decided to do a cross-stitch on a train trip across Canada: five full days. I think out of the entire fruit basket shown in the pictures, I finished a grape. So when THIS particular person pulls out a framed cross stitch the size of my flatscreen monitor with a hideous bible scripture on it (all that effort for ONE scripture and she has to pick II Kings 2:23 where children are eaten by bears for calling a prophet ‘baldy’?). Then says, “Oh, this is just something you might like to hang in the bathroom or kitchen, I have so MANY of them already” with the implication that it took her two days instead of five freaking months. If you can do a cross stitch the size of my flatscreen in two days then I say there be demons in you and we must CAST THEM OUT!

See, normally I would worry, acting all batshit like that over a simple craft turned bible verse (isn’t EVERY craft eventually turned to bible verses?) except see, we are a week from Xmas so, hell no one is reading this anyway.

I would say I haven’t had a good day but I’ve said that so often it loses impact. How about, this morning, I had NO commitments for this week and NOW, I still have a couple hours of work to do, I have to do work all day tomorrow and the rest of the week. PLUS for some reason I can’t quite understand a woman who visited me today thinks I am making her husband the Xmas present SHE is planning on giving him (have I mentioned I am NOT ‘crafty’). Which would be great except , a) She hadn’t told me what I am making him exactly b) she hasn’t given me the materials and c) Just because I’m housebound doesn’t actually mean I have LOTS of energy, rather the opposite in fact. All I know is that if I don’t deliver….whatever it is I might sometime soon find out that I am supposed to make, I, Elizabeth McClung, will have ruined Xmas….and I don’t even KEEP Xmas. So yeah, no pressure here.

Ironically, as chaotic and nonsensical the preceding paragraphs are; that actually represents today and what is going on in my life. How fucked up is that. Or how about this; I have decided to stage an orgy in the non-wheelchair accessible zone on my street as a protest. I need to find some people who like to “org” at near freezing temperatures first I guess. Actually that was just a lie because the only people who are visiting my blog this week are sex driven loners, if the google searches are any indication.

On that note, I feel there is nothing better to drive out my Xmas demons and bring in the spirit of the season but lots and lots and lots of lesbian kisses, lesbians kissing, naked lesbians, whatever. So here is a nice Yuri Video about what all of us (meaning me) want for Christmas; a) life like it is in the anime world where I transform as either an assassin or with magical girl powers which involve clothes and ribbons that defy gravity b) big breasts and c) lots of girl on girl kissing.

15 comments:

cheryl g. said...

I wish I were off having fun. I'm off working instead. I'm the one who covers while everyone else takes there Holiday vacations.

I'm sort of one of those "other" types of crafty people. I do cross stitch and quilts and other things but on average it takes me 5 to 10 years to complete anything. I have lots of partially done things I'll complete "some day".

Yes, I'm just across the water from you in PA. I am trying to get a visit to Victoria in but it probably won't be until after New Years. It's that covering while everyone else is on vacation thing.

I guarantee that you'll get advance notice when next I'm coming over. I'd love to meet you!

Elizabeth McClung said...

Well, okay, but I was really looking forward to casting out some "crafty" demons - I guess you are okay. I'm glad you are coming over - we could meet in the park and see Psycho!

lilwatchergirl said...

Fantastic video, mate. Just fantastic.

I'm around... just having 'issues'. Haha. Reading 'my' blogs as much as ever, though - and yours is generally the first I check for new posts.

N

Spitting said...

It is not one week till Christmas.
It is not.
It. Is. Not.

Gaina said...

Hey, I'm still reading and I'm not a sex-driven loner....sex *starved* maybe, but sex driven? No. :P

I used to make my own Christmas cards by hand but I make them with photoshop and email them to my friends now - environmentally friendly and always arrive on time :D.

The one thing I hate about Christmas is the people who send christmas cards to people they can't stand the other 51 weeks of the year! I think there should be a card that says 'Hey I don't really like you but it's chrstimas and you're my
neighbour so I feel I have to'.

:P

Katrin said...

Holiday hater over here (and I don't just stick to hating 1 holiday, anything involving people converging on my house is a holiday and therefore must never happen [yes I'm a joy to be around this time of year, or Easter or 4th of July or any party really that I can't leave at a moments notice. I am saving my pennies for 100 acres and log cabin in northern NH or VT, with no zip code or post box, and a 1 mile long driveway, just an internet connection])

Though I wouldn't consider myself a 'crafty' person I do like to cross stitch, but I never finish anything before it gets moldy. I think it's a numbers thing, I like counting squares and what is cross stitch, but counting squares?

Have fun figuring out what you're supposed to give that guy. I gave up on the whole giving gifts at a specific time of year thing years ago. Makes things much simpler and no one has expectations anymore. I highly recommend it.

Marla said...

Okay...since I am visiting your blog all week and trying to catch up on some of your old posts please don't consider me a "sex driven loner". That is just too sad. I don't want to be whatever that would be.

I wondered if you just forgot to publish your comments yesterday? Apparnelty not. I can't believe the drop either. I mean, I am having a great day if I get six comments! But, you are usually getting way more than that!

I agree that bible quotes on crafts is a bit weird. If I had gotten that gift with the weird quote I would have been scared, real scared.

EternalVirgin said...

I can't complain about christmastime because of the yummy food! Cookies anyone?

em said...

Go ahead and gloat that you don't keep Christmas. I'm deeply jealous. I'm pretending to be normal for the sake of the kids. That is probably stupid since I am training them to give a crap about this holiday, but I don't want them to feel jealous of everyone else having Christmas.

Oh. I have demons that need casting out. They all come from trying to fit in to your standard social scene.

Tom P. said...

I have a load of crap to finish at work before the new year so I am not having much fun at the moment. Putting Xmas and New Years so close together was a stupid idea. But I am reading your blog every day... just don't have much to say except that if I believed in god I would pray every day for you to get better.

kathz said...

As I struggle through the crowds, I notice a distinct shortage of people having Christmas fun. One of the miserable things about Christmas - and I coul go on about this - is not seeing friends between Christmas Eve and the day after New Year. Another wretched thing is not having time to read blogs - although that should change once the shops close.

I hope the Christmas fairy visits (a colleague tells me it's a fairy and not Father Christmas because women do most of the shopping) and miraculously brings all thw things you want.

Incidentally, have you seen the book Subversive Cross Stitch?

Elizabeth McClung said...

lilwatchergirl: Wow, I just read, yeah, you have "issues" - wow. I like the video too - more kisses, and more gravity defying fashion!

Spitting: I will take that as a negative thing - so like I say about the dentist, drink lots first and soon it will be over.

Gaina: Thanks for reading - the photoshop thing is a good idea - usually Linda and look at each other on the 26th and 27th and decide that YES we REALLY should write up and post those cards we bought in November.

I agree - there should be a "I work with you and think you are a bit creepy: happy Xmas" card

Katrin: Well, I don't keep Easter either, or the 4th or the 1st which I think is Canada day. I never understood the need for Canada day - I tend not to forget what country I live in - now Guy Fawkes day where you get to burn people - that's a Party!

Well, if it takes you that long, you can do cross stitch - I am just a perfectionist and I hated cross stitch because when I came back to it one of the first three stitches would be off, and I would have to undo it - which I hate - it is like a trumpet: Beth is a failure, she can't count correctly!

Marla: The amount of people who come to my blog today with the search: "Naked (insert variety of words)" or my favorite disturbing one: "Strap on butterfly" - which I REALLY hope they mean the clit vibrator. Those are the sex driven loners who are, I don't know - I get 20 hits a day from technocrati because I am the number 4 site for "thong" apparently. So yeah, depressed about that. Yeah, why do people put threatening verses on things they give you?

EternalVirgin: YES! I want cookies. I like the peppermint ice cream they sell at Xmas too.

Tom P: thanks for taking the time for commenting, seriously. I know that for some people this time is a sort of "slide into home" as they just try to make it to the 24th while others just have stacks of work. I on the other hand am trying to get a morphine trial going and every doctor and health care professional seems to be gone until Jan 15th or so.

Kathz: Yes, seriously, why do we only hear about all these family members that our friends disappear to see during this one week of the year? Haha. I have yet to recieve a gift. Linda asked if I am giving my care workers gifts - I said since my overnight worker makes $200 a night AND gets to sleep 6 hours, no, I kinda thought that I might be the one getting a gift for being a client who just sort of sits there and moans instead of being a client who has projectile vomiting and bedwetting to clean up (well, not EVERY day).

saraarts said...

Not off having fun either, not particularly. Off battling my personal biology. Cranky, eccentric female biology + extreme winter weather + having to conduct ordinary life around a bunch of extremely privileged people doing their Christmas shopping, multitasking while driving, and literally walking into me even though I am huge and pale and carrying a cane to keep from falling on the ice and scattering groceries everywhere = cold bones and a tired heart -- and I am not speaking metaphorically, strictly corporeally.

For another day when I have actual energy for such things (not today; today I attempt to catch up on bloggery and also maybe string pearls per a long overdue commission), you have given me some ideas for cross-stitch that involve neither grapes nor Bible verses. Mwa ha ha.

Elizabeth McClung said...

em: oops, sorry I missed you, this is what happens when you post and can only see out of one eye - that's my excuse and I am sticking to it! Yes, use me as a cautionary tale, I'm the old bitter woman who sits on the porch throwing eggs and going "Take that you "Yo Ho ho!" people!" - Now kids, you don't want to end up like me, do you?

We all have demons that need casting out, I am just here for those annoying crafty ones.

Saraarts: So why is it that "Goodwill on earth" works out to "self absorbed and unable to not walk over people"? I also imagine that this is the time of year people respect the disabled parking spaces less under the "well, there isn't anywhere to park so I will just park here and not be very long" logic. I am sorry your humanity contact sucks so bad; all I can recommend is what I fantasize about - more spikes!

Lisa Harney said...

I, er, got caught up in real life holiday stuff, plus I sort of started burning through DVDs really fast.

I mean watching them, not pirating them! Heck, I'm lucky if I post to my own blog, lately. :(