WARNING: This is a post which will anthropomorphize the heck out of squirrels and have many cute pictures of me and Linda with squirrels and other theoretically wild animals (yeah, right! Wild appetites maybe). If this is going to piss you off and make you shout at the screen, maybe there is some show on killer whales biting seals in half you should go watch instead.
So Linda came home from some sort of trivial errand (like buying our FOOD or something, she is always off doing these things when IMPORTANT stuff like squirrel feeding needs to be done) and we got dressed and off we went.
I decided to wear my wings and Linda wisely decided not to make any comment about emotional or any other kind of maturity. So here I am, flying off to rescue the poor squirrels.
While I enjoy the FANTASY of being a squirrel rescuer, the problem comes when you actually get so many squirrels who ALSO see you as the squirrel angel (I was a bit worried they would think I was a giant crow!). So many squirrels that from hundreds of yards away they are popped up on their hind legs, and then running towards you. When you are surrounded by squirrels, actually LINED up to come up with this Dicken’s pathetic look on their face which cries, “Some more gruel please?” Eeek! Was I now the Bishop of Squirrel Town?
I was wondering if Psycho’s little sister Fiona was planning on dropping by? With the crowds I was looking for her and trying to recognize her and there she was. Fiona has a style, an elan which makes her rather distinctive.
I was glad she came but quite honestly I think it was more for my sake than for hers. She climbed up, accepted the peanut and we had a little chat.
But she didn’t stay long because, by this time, we had about 15-20 squirrels running in and out; literally squirrels hanging on every surrounding tree eating our unshelled roasted peanuts and then returning for more. And Fiona, kind yet sensitive squirrel that she is (though as someone who grew up with Psycho I think she can be wild when she needs to), this was looking more like the Truckers Picnic than Tea at Ascot.
By this time a peacock and some crows showed up along with even more and more and more squirrels. I really thought we had enough peanuts for everyone but the peacock who arrived had some deep seated insecurity issues. You know those types who try to overcompensate by being loud, obnoxious and looking like they want to leave a deep lasting gouge in your arm? Which is why when I did feed the peacock, it was with a certain dread. If there was any bird that would “make bleed” that hand that feed it, it was this one.
But in the end, it managed to get what it wanted and I still have all 11 fingers, thank goodness.
By this time there were SO many squirrels coming up and sitting around me that it could have become festive, but instead it became quite feisty. It turns out that squirrels are just as paranoid that they won’t get as much as the next squirrel as humans are about buffet tables. So there were a squirrels chasing others around and chasing them off. To avoid this, one very smart squirrel decided to hide UNDER me (literally!). That way it couldn’t be chased off, so it sat and ate the peanut under my wheelchair while the squirrel which usually bullied it sat off to the side to keep an eye on it AND on me (to make sure I didn’t play favorites). Linda kept saying, "He's still there.." because I couldn't see him at all. Smart squirrel!
With this level of the going to and fro of suirrels I began to wonder if Tornwordo was right and I WAS channeling Snow White; it was a wonderful winter break, especially when a squirrel would eat the peanut sitting in my lap, or break open the shell and eat the peanut while sitting on my feet. I put together some of the video Linda took into a music video (I apologize for the not super great quality – youtube seems to degrade our lovely video into grainy mush) which has a mix of video and still pictures. Watch it so you can see ANOTHER reason why you should come visit me, because obviously these are smart, friendly and wheelchair savvy squirrels (All those pictures? Did I mention we are Camera Whores?).
Did Psycho come? The answer is YES, but not to me. In the end, Psycho and his little band of two hench-squirrels went after what they saw as a “soft target” – Linda! She was sitting there taking videos of me with the bag of spare peanuts in front of her.
First, his henchman takes the entire bag and tries to run with it. The bag is heavier than the little squirrel and he has to drop it after a few inches. Linda is in hysterics. Then Psycho himself comes, checks out all the peanuts in the tied up bag through the plastic, selects one and then bites a hole through the bag and takes it.
After that it got a bit hairy as these three hoodlum squirrels were literally all over and around Linda (I would like to say you can see them chewing gum and with slicked back hair too!). They didn’t even move away when they ate. Psycho returned, checked out the bag and then, just like the LAST TIME we saw him, he attempted to steal Linda’s camera. He really has a thing for that camera. Anyway, there is a short film of what little footage we have of Linda being overrun by a squirrel gang including "When Psycho ATTACKS!" (not available on FOX!). There is a final shot of this male squirrel who actually falls backwards but catches himself in time and pushes off so it doesn’t look like a TOTAL fool in front of everyone. As he ran away he was saying, “What are you talking about, that was SO totally planned, I just make it LOOK like I was going to fall...for excitement……yeah.”
So that was our Saturday, I hope you had some vicarious fun with Psycho, Fiona and the rest of the gang and this way you didn’t get totally frozen fingers in the near freezing weather (that cold, cold winter sun).