I should start off by warning you that this is an X-rated post, maybe NC-17.
What do you do when you're screwed up and you don’t know what else TO do? I just do one thing at a time and I try to think “What would ‘good Beth’ do?” So yesterday afternoon/evening, the wind and rain storm notwithstanding we went up to the Y and did an aerobic workout on the hydraulic weight machines. Those specific machines mean, I have an easy wheelchair transfer and weight is added or removed by a push of your thumb (or in my case, a shove of the elbow when the thumb don’t work). There are lots of ways to pull and push and do a high rep upper body workout. On a few machines I was having hand problems and used my forearms to push instead. Then we had SEX right THERE on the floor of the Y. No, we didn’t but you are probably wondering why this is an NC-17 post.
Well first it is the NEW link to my blog which was added TODAY from Cameraphone movies which is a blog about where to get explicit hardcore porn for free. And I guess this is about how, even when you try to do things like go and do weights and spend time with Linda watching Oklahoma (which appears to have been MADE for a gay male choir – since in the ‘burlesque’ dance routine, it screamed ‘DRAG!” Maybe because I had actually seen two of the dresses in the set on the Halloween pics of gay guys from a LGBT forum I go to) bad stuff still happens. As I woke up this morning to an assault for about 3 hours from various directions of “Why aren’t you doing what I want you to do.” With an extra bit of guilt or obligation or pity thrown in but it all still ended up being: “I want you to do/act/speak this way for me and you not doing it right now makes you bad.” So when I found out I was getting hits from a page filled with pictures and films of people getting cocks from behind, above, below, underwater, etc. I just had to laugh. It turns out that I am the number two google search for “voyeur masturbation” which linked to my post about the day I taught a underage child the word “masturbation” by accident and then passed out while doing disabled sailing (not a HARDCORE sex post).
It was not in the section: Hardcore Fucking or in Hardporn, but a new blogging section and it even had a full paragraph from the post about me starting to lose consciousness at sea. Above the post were 9 films of “Hardcore Fucking” and below the paragraph were three to four pictures of a woman taking a cock in her mouth.
I said to Linda. “Look, someone added a link to me.” And she said, “Oh my!" Then I showed her the pictures below my paragraph, “OH MY!” If you want to see the link and where my work ends up, it is here – but I did warn you. In an unrelated fact, for reasons I am still unclear on, there are MANY links to my blog over the course of this year from a site called Penislinks.
Aside from the fact I was sort of hoping for the New York Times rather than sex phone camera movies, I actually DO blog about sex; there is Swimming with the Dolphins, my rather detailed guide to a vibrator for fatigue disabled females (With PICTURES!). There are explicit posts on Vibrator shopping for lesbians (namely…US), my musing on a decision to go into sex work, a post on female sexual fantasies, including some of mine as well as my male GP’s instruction on how I SHOULD be masturbating. I’ve written about incest and about one of my own sexual abuse ‘experiences’ (which freed me finally from years of nightmares). There are posts of ‘real conversations’ about vibrators from a lesbian household (again US), I’ve written about the effects of incest as well as my favorite; last Xmas’ post: Female Masturbation and why it is a GOOD thing.
I like to think I am as sex positive as I can be (not blogging about sex with other people because I am in a long term monogamous relationship). I just have to wonder why THAT post, about disabled sailing ends up between the penis up the butt and the penis in the mouth pictures?
See, by this time, you are getting the NC-17 aspect of the post, yeah? So, okay, still trying to do the ‘right’ things, pretending to be upbeat but not really happening. There were however two things in the darkness that have made a difference. The first is the link from THIS POST from Gaina over at The Mouth On Wheels which features one of my favorite characters with his exuberance over his…um….hobby. And Linda sitting there beside me, watching with a puzzled expression, and NOT GETTING it made me laugh so hard I had problems breathing. Linda now claims that she did ‘get it’ part way through but that she didn’t feel it was the ‘right way’ for the character to act. I think that kind of naïve ‘well, I’m not going to laugh at THAT’ is even funnier because on the same day she brought back an entire backpack of explicit Yaoi (male/male love) and Yuri (female/female love) manga for me (true love!). Watch it and see.
The second thing to make me laugh was someone whose life must be even MORE screwed up than mine because I got a search hit from an official government computer. And not just an official government computer but from Nasa.gov. It really boggles my mind that my blog is still rated as ‘work safe’ by the US government. Anyway, the search they made was “revealing secrets questioning under sedation” which got them my post titled: Very unexpected side effects of oral sedation. This post was the one about my oral surgery and being put out and how as soon as I was high as a kite and my consciousness, my inhibition and my higher brain function all said “bye-bye” and I start telling everyone about my brother and how he “sexually abused me when I was a prepubescent.” Later I rambled on for 15 minutes about some wacky theory that had popped into my head. Obviously, this was NOT was the searcher wanted to read because he read the entire post twice. And I had to laugh (just a little) because whatever problems I have, anyone who is at N.A.S.A. and is doing searches for “revealing secrets questioning under sedation” is not getting good sleep at night. So yeah, probably having a worse day than me….just by reading my blog. I have an image of a very tense guy, with some very bad secret reading my post and just saying over and over again, “Oh My God! I am a dead man…..okay, next search ‘How far to Cuba?’”
To end the day, I thought you might want a taste of that wholesomeness which is Linda; that gosh darn true innocence which comes from clannish country living. I was city girl, she was farm. She thought nude statues in museums were “pornography.” Now she takes me in my wheelchair to see the Rodin exhibit of the very statues that she REFUSED to have, “in my living room….where anyone could see” when we first moved in together (I love that about you Linda! You knew how you felt, and were willing to try, just a little…for me). Here is a film she made this summer from a Mennonite Heritage Museum Festival near her ‘farm home’ about the way things were done in ‘Ye Olden Days’ – it is a short music video and though it REEKS of wholesomeness, it is a very entertaining watch (and none of THESE people are probably worrying about what they might reveal to the government under sedation).
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