I'm "Lucky" and I make a spectacular crash!

Ironically I was told this week that I am “lucky”; not as in my life is in any way lucky but that I am “lucky” to people around me – the way big gamblers keep burnt out winos around to rub for luck (in fact due to a spectacular accident today you will later see how ‘unlucky’ my life is). This is because a beautician friend who is very qualified and has qualified to train and give certificates wanted to start teaching students and wanted a name to teach them under like Institute or School. I worked on it for two weeks and gave her what I thought were the best three names and asks her to think them over for a month or so (since if she posted an ad she would be stuck for years with it). The next week she tells me that “I went down the next day to the business office and registered all three names you gave me!”

I almost levitated. I mean, I was just trying to help; I freak out when people just take what I suggest they think over THEMSELVES and accept it as stone tablets come down from the mountain. I was trying to explain this when she interrupted me, “But….I’ve already got my first student.” I just put my head in my hands.

As I was leaving she was telling me how she told her husband how I had done all this for her (“Please, I didn’t do ANYTHING!” I am trying to convince her) and her husband wanted to know if I could help him as he wants to start a business doing wooden flooring. Now, I know this guy and he is an old school European who just does stuff until it is perfect. For example, he wanted to do his circular staircase in hardwood walnut; all the places like HomeBase said; “We can’t do that, it’s too complicated for us.” So he figured out how to do it himself…..after he got a better quality walnut because he didn’t think that the walnut he had was “quite” good enough. My friend told him, “No, don’t ask her, she’s busy with her own stuff.” But I thought about it because I like words and I finally came upon a name and a phrase (“European quality craftsmanship”) so before I went to see my friend I scrawled down what I had thought on a scrap of paper from the kitchen. As it happened I met him before I saw my friend and I handed him the sheet and explained some of the words and how he could juggle them and how he could think about it.

Next week my friend says, “My husband is so excited now he's got those business cards printed up with the words you gave him.”

“What!” I levitated again. I literally gave him a scrap of paper with a lot of different ways to arrange words, and he printed them, like that? Did I want to see this business card? No. OMG! He is going to sit home and curse my name on a daily basis because he bothered to ask me. I started to tell my friend that you know maybe that wasn’t….she interrupted me, “Yes, he already has a job and has been getting up at 7:00 am every day to work on this hardwood flooring.”

“He printed the cards?”

“Yes?”

“And he got a job….from the cards….in less than a week?”

“Yes, I’ve told you before, you are really lucky…and a genius.” (I put my head in my hands: I know how this ends, things don’t work out and they come for me with pitchforks and fire!)

So, if you see me going by, just reach out and rub me for luck apparently, because I’m “Lucky.”

Right now I am in EXTREME pain. Why. Well, I was returning my DVD’s today and flying down the hill, the hill I have gone down 100 times. Wheelchairs are like ball bearings, we do very well going downhill. I had passed a couple, swerved to pass an old lady and was accelerating down the steepest part of the hill. I slid to the other half of the sidewalk to pass another woman when, 15 feet from the intersection my front caster disappeared into a fist sized piece of missing pavement (completely missing!). According to the lady I was about to pass she heard a sound and turned to see me flying through the air and land hard enough to HEAR my head bounce off the concrete. My whole left side is either bruised or full or road rash. The woman, who has a daughter with spina bifida, cradled my head as I went into another of those shock seizures (don’t remember). She told the EMT’s that my face changed to white and my limbs started spasming, whatever. By the time I am awake the old woman I passed is telling everyone that I was going “FAR TOO FAST” and trying to scoop up my body with my wheelchair (and had to be restrained). I finally got into my chair when a caregiver rehab guy came by and asked sensible questions. Only, I was so addled no one could understand my answers (welcome to slur central). They kept saying, “We need to get her warm” and I kept saying “HEAT INTOLERANT” until finally rehab guy figured out what I was saying and they left me outside until the ambulance arrived.

This EMT crew knew me from my attempt in May to climb Mount Moss in my wheelchair. Plus there was this guy dressed completely in Camouflage with them who was asking me questions. Later I asked, “Get a lot of need to sneak up on people you help?” Turns out he is military EMT doing a ride along. I had some neck and spine pain. They wanted to take me in because he kept pressing on the bottom of my spine and I kept screaming.

“That seems to hurt excessively.” He said to me.

“It would hurt a lot less if you stopped pushing on it!” I told him.

They wanted to take me in and I asked instead what the sign of spinal trauma would be. I asked him deadpan, “Tell me straight, could I end up in a wheelchair?” (the ambulance crew were killing themselves)

They said my blood pressure would drop and we took my heart rate and blood pressure (both REALLY HIGH – which isn’t what a spinal injury means). So I said thanks but no thanks (especially as Linda would be arriving home and FREAK if I wasn’t there – I mean, how do you lose someone like me?). I told them I would take pain killers and sleep and then see about going to the hospital. I was having some funky head stuff (and a bump) like not being able to remember my address (that’s weird and feeling very six year oldish).

At one point the EMT's asked if there was anything wrong with my head. "Uh, you'll need to be more specific...."

The military guy was "not happy" about my neck, he invited the other EMT's to take a look. "Why, is it at a 90 degree angle or something?" I asked. No, it was just "tender" and maybe I should be sure. When the others were taking readings I whispered to the coolish EMT guy, "Aren't there drunks somewhere who need you?"

"Actually no," he whispered back, "We aren't ever suppose to say we are 'quiet' but....we're in no hurry." Oh fab!

I told them, “Don’t worry I have opiates......do you want some?” I offered the EMT’s. Military guy asks, “Are those on prescription?” I just look at him with this expression. Dude, I hit my head, but do you think I am offering you illegal drugs, am I THAT stupid. Besides, if I was an addict, don’t you think I would want to horde my heroin…..MY HEROIN! Sheesh, last time I try to be "sharing" and polite.

I was in so much pain I just curled up in a ball and the military guy is going, "This does not appear to be normal, is this your normal state?"

I said, "I....I....." I curled up again and when they talked about moving me to the ambulance, I forced myself to say, "I slammed into the concrete, no, this isn't a 'normal' day" (it was by far my worst fall)

So, I made it down to the video store and it was freaking SNOWING now, the first snowfall, and Linda had to come and rescue me and push me home. So, no, I don’t have a lucky life, but all those people just won the lotto tonight or something!

Linda came and we took off the clothes (she took me home first...darn it!)and I have bruising and road rash down my left side (I didn't feel the skin that was flayed off of my lower leg, I was more worried I had broken my little finger and index finger and I wouldn't be able to wheel). She put me in bed, with some moan and I try to roll over but forget and do it on the left side and actually SCREAM with the pain coming from my hip. That is going to be a bruise worth taking a photo of I bet. So, on the other hand, not a great day in terms of pain and I lost two hours in dealing with EMT's and people and doing funky chickens and all that. But, on the bright side - not bored today! No, definately not bored. And next time I go down that hill - fuck it, I'm going to go FASTER! Got to get back on that wheelchair downhill suicide run again. Isn't that what they say after an accident: "Next time, just remember, go faster!"

Actually when the old lady finally left after scolding me again (geez, they really like doing that if you pass them), I gave her the victory sign and slurred out, "Remember, speed kills!"