Saturday, December 15, 2007

A dinner out ends with us going to Ninja town and dressing up as Geisha

Linda took me out to dinner tonight after she made a trip to Port Angeles, WA to mail all the ebay stuff. We went to this Mexican restaurant where we have a ‘history’; they LIKE me coming in a wheelchair and last time they made me a margarita because I said that traditionally the farther north you go from Mexico, the worse the margarita’s get. The female co-owner said, “That’s it, you are getting one Lime Margarita.” And stomped off with a determined look in her face.

So she wasn’t there tonight but a different female, M, was instead. And as happens when I go out to eat we got M in a discussion about how good females are at smuggling and working illegally. This discussion started because Linda has to pay GST tax when she comes back with the stuff from our Post Office box and so she sees all the people they pull over for inspection. It is ALWAYS guys. This time it was: guy with guitar (inspect for drugs). Last time it was: guy with surfboard (inspect for drugs). And group of guys coming for a bachelor party. And we were saying how females hardly ever get pulled over and when they go overseas and work illegally, even when they get caught the officers are like; “You really shouldn’t be doing this. When is the last time you called your parents?” While if a guy with a beard and long hair the same age is picked up working illegally it is: “Where have you been living? Who are your associates?” and “Come here for a drug test.”

M, totally agreed and said how she was in Japan for seven years, three of them illegally, and she eventually entered a sham marriage but got caught, “and they were totally nice about it.” Linda and other people refer to this as my innate ability to have people confess the illegal things they have done to me within 10 minutes. So, we told her we were going to Japan in the spring and what should we do. While we had already gotten the suggestions for the World Heritage sites, M was a bit more of a fun and party girl. “You’ve got to go to Kyoto and you can go to this place and they dress you up as Geisha’s in Kimonos and then you get driven around in a carriage”

I wouldn’t do that in North America, it is just too, um, not something you do in North America hey, in Japan it sounded kind of fun. Then she told us about the historic ninja village where the ninja were trained and they show you secret doors and stuff. This is the trashy fun photo happy stuff that we were looking for. She was very casual and laughed about how it took her five years to learn enough Japanese to order pizza over the phone. And how she had to download all the Kanji characters due to her hair frizzing because every time she went for shampoo she ended up buying body wash. The food at the restaurant was good but it is really things like this why we keep going back, getting everyone’s stories.

So she tells us how at clubs girls would come up and ask to feel her breasts. And she was like, “okay” because while she would be a B/C cup here, in Japan she was an F cup. And she says that all the bras are SO padded that even when she bought a bra it was padded out so that her C’s turned into F’s. I guess their fascination with the western women having bigger breasts thing is true. So Linda with her blonde hair and DD’s are going to be VERY popular (haha!). I told Linda we should invite this lesbian couple we know from the UK who are about 5’2” and have size J’s. I think in Japan people would think they were actresses.

Anyway, we asked her about how to introduce ourselves and she gave us tips on what names Japanese people can say easily. And then we told her about being married and (this is why I like this restaurant), she said, “Wow, they (the Japanese) are going to be so fascinated; they love different stuff…..Oh, you know what you HAVE to do” and she grabbed our hands, “You HAVE to go to a Love Hotel.” We had already heard of these places you go to in the city if you decide to hook up with someone during karaoke and you can rent the room by the hour. Oh no, she assured us, they have ones by the night and make sure you don’t get a ‘cheap’ one, you want one for about $100 and they have sauna’s and whirlpools and are super cool (she seemed to know a LOT about the different kinds of Love Hotels). But still, how often does your food server find out that you are going to Japan and that you are a lesbian couple and basically exclaim: “Oh...then you totally HAVE to have sex here!” Errr, okay, I guess a night of sex in a Love Hotel is just part of the Japanese experience that we will be required to fulfill in order to truly say we have been to Japan.

Needless to say that going to Japan is sounding a lot more fun (well except all the women coming up and asking to squeeze Linda’s breasts). I mean I find Shrines and World Heritage sites to be a bit like Cathedrals in Europe; one a week is PLENTY for me. I like to see them but truthfully, I am far more exciting to see Ninja town than an ancient monastery. And she said in Samurai town (near Kyoto) they have platforms without rails so the loser just topples into off the platform; makes it easy to clean up I guess. Now I’m wondering if I should pack an epee. And with the Love Hotel planned, that is completely changing my baggage packing plans: two or three vibrators, do you think?

So, I had more fun doing ‘trip gossip’ at the resturant than I did at the work Xmas party. Linda and I agreed that we are going to get dressed in Kimonos with the intricate bows which the experts do and go completely tourist. I mean, me in a wheelchair and her at 5’10” with Lara Croft sized breasts and blonde hair: do you think we might just ‘fit it unnoticed’? Yeah I thought not – so let’s go and have fun and leave lots of people in Japan blogging about seeing lesbian tourist Geishas out in carriages about town. Linda bought my $500 worth of yen on Friday. This whole trip thing is starting to sound like it really might happen. Zowie!


Spitting said...

Ah, you are forgetting your Chuck Palahnuik. It is vibrating things which get you into big trouble going through airports now, rather than ticking things.

tornwordo said...

Oh what a fine waitress. You simply must make this trip happen.

Katrin said...

WOW!!! Sounds like you're going to have a great trip!!! I'm very envious!

I don't know if you like boats, but one of the things I liked that thought was fun was going on a glass bottom boat. They've got some amazing fish and stuff there in the ocean! Plus the coral is just really cool.

Oh, oh and if you like sushi, you should go to a Sushi Go Round! (don't know what it is actually called, that's just what my aunt dubbed it). The sushi 'goes round' on a conveyour belt and you pay per color of the plate so like a blue plate is 100Y and a red is 300Y and such. Plus you get to watch all of the after work folks get drunk and being odd. Very fun time for all! (and I'm pretty sure that was the 1 wheelchair accessable restaraunt we went into)

And very strange, but the most expensive saki has a dead habu snake in it all curled up with it's mouth wide open (they put the live snake in the bottle then seal it, so the snake freaks out and twists around as it drowns and winds up dead coiled at the bottom with it's mouth open. really not pleasant to think about dying that way...but I think they said you can get more drunk on that saki than any other, thought I don't know what 'more drunk' means really)

And for a 'people will talk' suveniour, you will have to go to an open air street market and find a bullfrog purse. It is a dead, skinned bullfrog made into a purse with a zipper in it's mouth.

And, kimonos are fun! But the shoes are so not user friendly!

I gotta start resaving pennies to get back there again sometime....

saraarts said...

I am STILL WAITING for that mailing address. By the way. :)

If it ever makes it to you, and if you deem it worthy to come with you (no pun intended), I will of course want to see a photograph of The Bag at the Love Hotel. I don't think anything I've ever made has been to Japan yet (not that the things I make send me postcards or anything). I also have to wonder how a bag with a cross-stitch skull and crossbones full of potentially vibrating things in it will go over with airport security internationally.

mental mosaic said...

Yeah, that restaurant sounds way more festive than that Christmas party.

You've got to get as much of your trip to Japan on film as possible. You two are gonna be the uber-exotic toast of Tokyo.

Sounds like a blast!

I've never been to Japan, but would love to go. I even dressed as a geisha for Halloween once, and wound up in a rowdy foosball tournament with people crowded around me, chanting, "Go Geisha, Go!"

KateJ said...

I had some of that sushi going round on a conveyor belt... but it was i Paddington station in London. Pretty good fun though, even if it's not totally authentic Japanese! I've got quite into cooking Japanese style food myself, we eat it all with chopsticks and it's a laugh. Someone gave us a bottle of Sake, which helps.
But are you really going to Japan? If so, that's really great - maybe you can go see where some of those mangas and animes are produced? Maybe you can persuade them to do a manga of Zed. Maybe you can get to do wheelchair Samurai sword-fencing?
Complete irrelevancy but apparently the British government is planning to ban the import of Samurai swords... what are they worried about, a few wannabe Hiro Nakamuras or a new angle for radical islamists? A friend of mine who is a serious collector is not happy.

cheryl g. said...

That sounds like a great Mexican restaurant based on staff alone. I love the suggestions for your visit to Japan - ninja town, geisha carriage ride, love hotel - now that's fun! Are you packing your wings?

I hope Linda's ferry rides were OK. It looked pretty choppy on the Strait when I was gazing out my window today.

Elizabeth McClung said...

Spitting: True, true - but what a great blog that would MAKE!

Tornwordo: Yes, I am getting to the point where I am almost starting to allow myself to believe and get excited.

Katrin: We have been trying sushi but have yet to find one that Linda likes, but there is this beef Korean bar-b-que they have that she is looking forward to. I do want to see the typical "post work" relaxing from the Japanese Working-Man, the soba stands and sake. I think we will pass on the snake sake and bullfrog purse, probaby more like go hang with the lolita girls in that section of Tokyo. As for shoes, Linda will have to practice (they will probably make her over 6 foot, haha!), as for me, not a big worry.

Sara: Oh, yeah, I am totally on! I will definately try to get a pic of your skull bag at a GOOD Love Hotel. And maybe some pics as we go through customs too!

Mental Mosiac: the real problem is taking along enough memory sticks - because we can fill up a 1 meg with movies and pics in a day - so for two weeks? I have this vision of us ending the tour dressed as Geisha having to do drunk Karaoke so maybe there will be some "Go Geisha Go!" chanting too (did you win the tournament?)

Kate J: Linda and I watched that conveyor belt in London's Train terminal too and talked about going in many times but never did - still facinating to watch. Seriously, we ARE planning to go this year, this spring before I get too weak or too high a hospital risk. Whether that can happen or not depends on how much money I can a) refrain from spending and b) actual find by selling stuff.

Cheryl: Yeah, you are in PA? Uh! She takes gravol and listens to her MP3 player so it is just a quick there and back - we got lots MORE manga (hey, it was a SALE!), printer cartriges (sic) some medical stuff and other goodies and sent out the $400 we made on ebay. Packing the wings is a GREAT idea, I think they will be very popular in the districts of Japan where people just hang out to display thier fashion - and I can be there with my kill city, and switchblade stilleto and my wings. So with it so inexpensive for the Coho, when are you coming over here?

Marla said...

Your trip sounds like it is going to be great. I think the boob size thing is pretty funny. Lots of pictures are in order when you go!