Linda took me out to dinner tonight after she made a trip to Port Angeles, WA to mail all the ebay stuff. We went to this Mexican restaurant where we have a ‘history’; they LIKE me coming in a wheelchair and last time they made me a margarita because I said that traditionally the farther north you go from Mexico, the worse the margarita’s get. The female co-owner said, “That’s it, you are getting one Lime Margarita.” And stomped off with a determined look in her face.
So she wasn’t there tonight but a different female, M, was instead. And as happens when I go out to eat we got M in a discussion about how good females are at smuggling and working illegally. This discussion started because Linda has to pay GST tax when she comes back with the stuff from our Post Office box and so she sees all the people they pull over for inspection. It is ALWAYS guys. This time it was: guy with guitar (inspect for drugs). Last time it was: guy with surfboard (inspect for drugs). And group of guys coming for a bachelor party. And we were saying how females hardly ever get pulled over and when they go overseas and work illegally, even when they get caught the officers are like; “You really shouldn’t be doing this. When is the last time you called your parents?” While if a guy with a beard and long hair the same age is picked up working illegally it is: “Where have you been living? Who are your associates?” and “Come here for a drug test.”
M, totally agreed and said how she was in Japan for seven years, three of them illegally, and she eventually entered a sham marriage but got caught, “and they were totally nice about it.” Linda and other people refer to this as my innate ability to have people confess the illegal things they have done to me within 10 minutes. So, we told her we were going to Japan in the spring and what should we do. While we had already gotten the suggestions for the World Heritage sites, M was a bit more of a fun and party girl. “You’ve got to go to Kyoto and you can go to this place and they dress you up as Geisha’s in Kimonos and then you get driven around in a carriage”
I wouldn’t do that in North America, it is just too, um, not something you do in North America hey, in Japan it sounded kind of fun. Then she told us about the historic ninja village where the ninja were trained and they show you secret doors and stuff. This is the trashy fun photo happy stuff that we were looking for. She was very casual and laughed about how it took her five years to learn enough Japanese to order pizza over the phone. And how she had to download all the Kanji characters due to her hair frizzing because every time she went for shampoo she ended up buying body wash. The food at the restaurant was good but it is really things like this why we keep going back, getting everyone’s stories.
So she tells us how at clubs girls would come up and ask to feel her breasts. And she was like, “okay” because while she would be a B/C cup here, in Japan she was an F cup. And she says that all the bras are SO padded that even when she bought a bra it was padded out so that her C’s turned into F’s. I guess their fascination with the western women having bigger breasts thing is true. So Linda with her blonde hair and DD’s are going to be VERY popular (haha!). I told Linda we should invite this lesbian couple we know from the UK who are about 5’2” and have size J’s. I think in Japan people would think they were actresses.
Anyway, we asked her about how to introduce ourselves and she gave us tips on what names Japanese people can say easily. And then we told her about being married and (this is why I like this restaurant), she said, “Wow, they (the Japanese) are going to be so fascinated; they love different stuff…..Oh, you know what you HAVE to do” and she grabbed our hands, “You HAVE to go to a Love Hotel.” We had already heard of these places you go to in the city if you decide to hook up with someone during karaoke and you can rent the room by the hour. Oh no, she assured us, they have ones by the night and make sure you don’t get a ‘cheap’ one, you want one for about $100 and they have sauna’s and whirlpools and are super cool (she seemed to know a LOT about the different kinds of Love Hotels). But still, how often does your food server find out that you are going to Japan and that you are a lesbian couple and basically exclaim: “Oh...then you totally HAVE to have sex here!” Errr, okay, I guess a night of sex in a Love Hotel is just part of the Japanese experience that we will be required to fulfill in order to truly say we have been to Japan.
Needless to say that going to Japan is sounding a lot more fun (well except all the women coming up and asking to squeeze Linda’s breasts). I mean I find Shrines and World Heritage sites to be a bit like Cathedrals in Europe; one a week is PLENTY for me. I like to see them but truthfully, I am far more exciting to see Ninja town than an ancient monastery. And she said in Samurai town (near Kyoto) they have platforms without rails so the loser just topples into off the platform; makes it easy to clean up I guess. Now I’m wondering if I should pack an epee. And with the Love Hotel planned, that is completely changing my baggage packing plans: two or three vibrators, do you think?
So, I had more fun doing ‘trip gossip’ at the resturant than I did at the work Xmas party. Linda and I agreed that we are going to get dressed in Kimonos with the intricate bows which the experts do and go completely tourist. I mean, me in a wheelchair and her at 5’10” with Lara Croft sized breasts and blonde hair: do you think we might just ‘fit it unnoticed’? Yeah I thought not – so let’s go and have fun and leave lots of people in Japan blogging about seeing lesbian tourist Geishas out in carriages about town. Linda bought my $500 worth of yen on Friday. This whole trip thing is starting to sound like it really might happen. Zowie!
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