Until then, I happen to have a list from over the weekend of some of the very, very disturbing ways in which people find my blog and how I rate on the major search engines like Goggle, Yahoo, etc. I did not include anything I had remotely ever blogged on like lesbian lolitas, lesbian goths, lesbian vampires (all in the top 1 or 2). And after this is a short UNRELATED discussion on passion, pacifism and early influences. So I dub this the December non sequitur post.
I am in ranking of searches:
Number 11 for “one dollar hard core grinding lesbians”
Wha? You know, I could live with “hard core grinding lesbians” being associated to me but “one dollar?” come on! I may be a slut in training but I think I have moved up to being a “five dollar hard core grinding lesbian”
Number 7 for “Naked girls beating up a guy”
Have no idea what the hell is going on here. Not that it is a bad idea or anything I just can’t understand how I am on the top of the list. I guess if this is your sexual fantasy or you just want to be beaten up, send me your resume and I will see if I can get a posse together?
Number 6 for “thong on my face”
Enough said?
Number 6 for “things to do while have phone sex”
Ironically, I wish I did know how to write this post. A nice top 10 list of chores you can do while having phone sex seems like a good addition to Screw Bronze; however I will have to hand this off to someone who isn’t partnered to a very literal person. This is how our phone sex goes:
Me: “Oh, you’re so hot and dirty….”
Linda: “No, I showered this morning.”
Me: “I want to pour gravy all over you and lick it off….”
Linda: “Don’t you dare, that gravy is for the potatoes and roast beef.”
Number 6 for “French Porn”
Sigh. I guess if someone was REALLY looking for French Porn they would write it in FRENCH, and then maybe not end up with me.
Number 6 for “testosterone treatment ex-gay”
What? Now I’m an ex-gay treatment site? When did that happen? But, for all those anquished Chistian parents who are coming here for a treatment for their children, I have one: Get over it! If Jesus can go around with a guy hugging and draping himself all over Jesus with Jesus telling people, “He’s the one I love!” then I am pretty sure you can hug your children, gay or not.
Number 4 for “lolita boy”
There are lolita boys? What do they dress like? This needs more research.
Number 3 for “angelina jolie as a pirate”
Okay, this has a little bit of merit since I made up my own “Angelina Jolie is a total bisexual having an affair with ME quiz”, which is here. Warning, some of the links are gone including the incredibly disturbing picture of a horse licking Jolie’s naked breast.
Number 2 for “Men feminized”
I wrote a piece about the changing and liberating evolution of being “masculine” and “feminine” a year ago. Now I get weekly offers to do domination training.
Number 2 for “Naturism Young Girls, Rape Scenes”
AHHHHHH! And I’m number 2 for this crap! Okay, that is just…..wrong.
Number 1 for “wife who is foot shorter than me became taller in a day”
While I am genuinely curious about what happened to cause this particular search, I am equally curious how I, ELIZABETH MCCLUNG am seen as the number one solution to this problem? Your wife grew over a foot in one day? Send me photos! Please! But sorry, all I know is you can grow a few inches if you go into space but a foot in one day?
Number 1 for “girl kissing dead man”
Yeah, I’m never going to live that one down am I? They say the internet is a record of everything you don’t want people to remember. I guess that is true.
Okay, if you came here for a non ex-gay, rape scene, thong on your face reason (Seriously, a) take the thong, b) put it on your face…..why do you need to look that up?) then you might be interested to know that my childhood was strongly shaped by the music I listened to, which because my parents HAD been protestors before they went all religious just happened to be LP's of very, very angry pacifists singing challenging songs.
Buffy St. Marie was a major impact on me growing up and she sang about the things which just aren’t sung about (codine addiction, incest, resistance fighting, the fun stuff!). A lot of her song lyrics were covered by famous people from Elvis on down, which is how she survived to sing songs that can’t have been too popular in some circles. Below is her singing of her song Universal Soldier; one of the three or four things I memorized for my whole life (the others have turned out to be useful as well). I think if someone sang this type of song in North America today with this type of viscous passion, they would have about 100 death threats by the following week. I think it is due to Ed Ames, Pete Seeger, Buffy and others that I am still a pacifist today. Through them I realized that being a pacifist doesn’t mean you can’t be angry, or passionate, or refuse ever being meek in the face of those who would rather you just shut up. Just try to wait until 1:41 when she attacks her audience.
I used to believe that singers were called to challenge people into being the people they had forgotten they could become. I’d be interested to know what the song it was which stuck with you, which themed your life?
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17 comments:
I love what people search for on the internet. AND i love the wings!
First, I LOVE THAT PHOTO SO MUCH. The black-winged wheelchair goddess with the tiny black squirrel familiar? Please, it is awesome. It's exactly like the kind of stuff I want to paint and plan to paint more of. Spectacular.
Second, you make my searches look boring. Okay, my searches are boring. Mostly people come to my site looking for the three-legged pig joke, and after that "lady amputee." (The use of the word "lady" is how I know these are objectifying trolls and possibly porn seekers, not other women amps or their families looking for information on how to live like this.) Oh, heh, and now that I've written about it here, you will probably get those searches, too. I'm sure they won't rank very high, though.
Finally, music? You know, it's always been Bach, not a pop song. I am such a nerd. But my sister, who is ten years older than me, shared a room with me until she went off to college, and since before I was born she's had a bust of Bach with a musical movement in it that plays "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring." So that's the first music I remember. So that -- the music, not the words -- is really big in my life, and I have always loved ol' J.S. more than any other composer even though I hate math and suck at it. I think it's because my whole life has been about balance, and so is his music, balance and counterpoint and intricacy, darkness and light, sadness and ecstasy, all coming back to the same point. Or so I hear it. And I hum "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring" all the time, while I drive, while I do laundry, while I make jewelry and paint and feed the cat. Soothing and grounding at the same time.
And I'm a pacifist, too, though I certainly wasn't raised that way. It wasn't the Bach, either. It may have been the head injury.
Thanks for Universal Soldier. I knew the Donovan version but had never heard it sung by Buffy St Marie - she is terrific.
That was bloody funny! :D.
The prospect of googling myself fills me with a strange mix of fear and perverse curiosity :P.
So are you typing in these searches yourself to see if you come up?
I have always felt moved by the song 'You Can't Always Get What You Want' by the Rolling Stones.
Whenever it comes on I get chills. I am not sure why or what it is about that song.
Elizabeth: you must get some pretty odd searches too like "sex with porcipines" or the like.
Saraarts: Okay, I am fine with murals of me painted on sides of buildings and anything on down. And I think after your mad science experiments you would be surprised how well that does in crazy search hits. I'm a big fan of Jesu as well, only the only recording I had was in German so that is what I sing/hum to.
Kathz: Yeah, she's been consistantly doing it for about 35 years.
Gaina & Marla: You don't have to do the searches, just look at your sitemeter readings for your blog and under "referrals" you will find out how people came to your site. For instance the last three searches (in the last 3 mintues) that came this morning are: "skull stuff", "Fatigue before menstrual cycle" and "lesbian goths"
Marla: That also happens to be the song that House from House M.D. plays all the time.
Sex with porcupines? Who told you about that??!!
I'm having absolute brainfarts this week, I can't find the bits you mean. I looked on feedburner but I can't find anything like what you're describing.
Gaina: no, it is on sitemeter - see the sitemeter icon at the bottom of the page, click on it, click on referrals and you can see how people get to my blog. If you have sitemeter on your blog you can do the same.
Tthe searches were really funny. I'm not sure I have time to figure out how to get that info.
Nice song! I'll have to think about a song fo me. Nothing is jumping into my mind right now.
That is a great photo! You, your wings and the black squirrel - fabulous.
You know I've thought about it a lot since initially reading this post this morning and I have so many songs which hold meaning for me. "Universal Soldier" by Buffy St Marie is a great song. I also really like her song "Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee".
Ou est les Francais pornographie? =)
Thanks for stopping by my blog. I loved the photo too - that is one evil looking squirrel!
Can you buy your book over here or do you have to go via amazon dot com?
I've been a Buffy St Marie fan for about 35 years I reckon. It's quite amazing how many really well known songs were written by her... and always sung a lot better by her than whoever had a "hit" with them.
What was great, though, was when I finally met up with my Canadian cousin the same age as me, and found we had both been big Buffy fans all these years. Oh yes, and to discover that Buffy was singing even better than when she was young.
Glad you share my enthusiasm for this truly great singer and songwriter.
Don't know if you meant songs generally or ones by Buffy Sainte Marie, but I've been a fan of hers for about 35 years I reckon. I love Until it's time for you to go which I bet not a lot of people know was written by her, and also Up where we belong (sadly I first came across this one in a car commercial but it is a truly great song.) She is a fantastic songwriter and generally her own versions are way better than the ones that other people had megahits with.
So glad to find you're a fellow fan!
Anabel: well after a while I go, "Why exactly ARE people coming here?" Then I find out why most people are and it depresses me (My wife grew a foot in one day?)
Cheryl: I took like bury my heart at wounded knee and her newer song, Starwalker. I just think that for me, in a very um....constrained religious household, these old protest LP's were my ticket out, to being more than just a coffee server.
Spitting - there we go, actually, I don't, I have a lot of french lesbians films if that helps (a LOT and some good bisexual ones - there is also a lesbian sister incest film which is quite popular - I think they murder too - so I am sure it is based on a true story - sigh!)
No, you can get it on any Amazon - like .co.uk - new or used (I think it is 8 pounds new?) - just Elizabeth McClung title: Zed.
Kate J: Great, I am glad we have such similar taste! Now do you know the UK protest/political singer that no one in 9 years in the UK I lived there ever heard of but I have listen to for 15 years: Leon Russelson? He did The Song of the Old Communist.
We had Leon Rosselson to a May Day festival I was involved in organising, about 20 years ago I think... I remember he sung what has remained for me one of the greatest folk/protest songs ever written The World Turned Upside Down , which I always call the Diggers song. He is actually well known among activists, eco-protestors and the like. So glad you like him too!
(and back to Buffy... I really like "Starwalker" as well, and sometimes play it very loud when I'm feeling low!)
OK, I feel like I should already know this... but how do you find out what search terms people are using to find your page? I'm curious what leads people over to my blog. I want some non sequiturs of my own! ;P
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