Tomorrow is going to be “one of those days.” I start off the day with a gyno appointment, which is a post checkup on whatever the medicos call the old gyno claw out, clear out, laser and biopsy. Not to be explicit, but I had an abscess up in the vagina (click HERE to see close up picture: Oh like I’m REALLY going to post THAT online). The gyno specialist looked and said stuff, which I am sure made sense at the time but was all washed away when he used the phrase, “So we will get a biopsy.” What! Have you seen those biopsy needles? They are as big as my forearm! And I have a very serious needle phobia! So yeah, put me out! So they did, a bunch of weeks ago.
Unfortunately, when he did whatever it was he did, they didn’t actually tell me what it was. He was going to have a “good look” and said “anything I can do I will.” Which made me feel like I was a clunky car or a computer or something. So besides the blood, and plasma and stuff oozing out for...a while (like WEEKS), maybe tomorrow he will tell me what is what (I am sure if it was cancer or something they would have told me right away....right? Right?!). Anyway, tomorrow morning is legs in stirrups and little gown and doctor with headlamp, that whole trembling excitement; yup, the dread experience only surpassed by THE DENTIST.
And guess where I am going after gyno? You got it. I am off to have “dental surgery” on my jaw. This is, by the way my first crown (I take care of my teeth, I do!). It seems that my filling had a cavity underneath and no one noticed. Then there was a small crack at the bottom of the cavity where it met the tooth outside and no one noticed. So now, in order to put a crown over the crack, they have to extend the tooth down another 3 mm. My feeling is; why aren’t the dentists a bit more ashamed at not noticing so many things and does this mean I will get my $200+ dollars back for the annual exam I just had where they didn’t notice any of this? But dentists are never ashamed, they just go; “Well, things happen…” So tomorrow I have to take this mega dose pill because while the work will be done under anesthetic, that means I have to get an needle to have the anesthetic. And this type of tooth and gum specialist doesn’t have nitrous oxide. Can you believe that? A Dental office without Nitrous? So tomorrow we are doing the “theoretically possible” which is a) get a needle into my arm to put in an intravenous (last time they tried this for an operation they failed and ended up gassing me and putting it in me when I passed out) and b) Getting enough “sleepy” juice down the IV into me to put me out. A double needle feat I have never done before so a bit (A LOT) nervous.
But I have had 14 vials of blood taken in one go so I think I can hang on while the needle is in for 30-40 seconds. I guess we will find out because there is no way I want to do that dental stuff while awake. So right now I feel kind of caught between the firing squad and the tank of killer squids.
I also have a giant sleeping pill for tonight because, hey, doing a unknown needle phobia thing plus mysterious dental work which will take a MONTH to heal – gee, I can’t imagine what I would be obsessing over tonight.
And being me, I am super brushing and flossing today because I don’t want the doctor/dentist to think, while I am knocked out (after my screams getting the needle in me have emptied his waiting room), and he is working in my mouth, that I don’t take good care of my teeth. I don’t want him to think; “Geez, does she ever floss?” Despite that this crack was discovered by me.….while flossing (another reason NOT to floss I guess). The logical part of my brain realizes that my mouth is probably going to look like a construction site, if construction site pits were full of bone fragments and blood (so actually a horror film construction site). But hey, I did a full shave down there before the gyno for the same reason. Obsessive much?
So I will try to get a short post together tonight and get it posted somehow tomorrow to keep with the NaBloMoPlo every day posting vow this month, but be patient if I don’t respond to your comments for a day (or two since they have said: "It won’t be that bad, just hold ice to your face for TWO DAYS" – geez, what do you consider BAD?).
So have a good day and console yourself with the knowledge that at least your aren’t having MY day.
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1 hour ago
14 comments:
Good luck! I'm off for my doctor's visit today -- we'll see how it goes.
13 root canals and uncounted (I think around 15) crowns talking! My heart goes out to you! (((hugs)))
I didn't grow up with fluoride. This means I have bad molars, but won't get some other terrible disease that is probably caused by fluoride... win a few, lose a few, I always say!
((hugs again))
Good luck!
I'm currently putting off both gyno and dental responsibilities because I just don't want to go there. Think how good it will be to get the monkey off your back though. I hope it goes better than you expect.
Shudder... I don't have a fear of needles but I have a very strong fear of going to the dentist which usually requires some sedation for me before I go. I'm also allergic to laughing gas which doesn't help.
Good luck - hope it goes well!
Yoicks! I'm really not sure which I hate more, gynaecology or dentistry. I think ultimately it depends on how much surgery is involved.
I had to see a behavioral therapist for needle phobia. I reached a point where I simply couldn't allow anyone to take my blood or give me any kind of shot. It was because of trauma in the past, but it was getting in my way.
My therapist told me two things I found useful. First, as I start to wheel off into abject panic, she advised me to find my breath and concentrate on it, and to remember that if I'm still breathing, things haven't totally gone down the toilet yet. (I paraphrase; her words were more like "Remember your breath; your breath is always with you.") Second, she advised me to bring something to squeeze. I made a pillow out of an old batik fabric dress the colors of the ocean and stuffed it with sage from a deconstructed smudge stick. Every time I squeezed it, the scent of home and favorite things about my childhood in the southwest was released into the disinfectant-scented air of whatever dank, muzacked and fluorescently lit New England hospital I was being tortured in at the moment. And see, scent is said to be the sense most closely linked with memory, so that was innately comforting.
These two things really helped me, probably saved my life.
Even though I'm probably sharing them too late to be of immediate use, I offer these little tidbits on the off-chance that they or some personalized version of one or the other of them can help you out, too, at some point. Meanwhile, I hope it all goes well.
artistic soul: I hope we both get what we need with as little pain as possible
Daisydeadhead: AHHHHH! That is a lot of dental work - do you worry that your mouth is technically more valuable than your condo? Thanks for the hugs.
Tom P: Luck...and I hope this guy is skilled, because even under anesthetic, I can hear the doc go: "Oops...."
em: Yes, once this is done and heals then just the crown to go and I am done for the next couple years (assuming they didn't "miss" anything else in the checkup).
Cheryl: They are using something called Halcion Traizolam, an oral tablet as a pre-sedation and not nitro and then putting me under - I will let you know how it works!
Sara: Back from the gyno and he seemed very pleased with his work, whatever it was (I think he said he surgically removed the absess and cauturized (sic) the area and some other stuff.
I don't have time to make a scent stick (I have to go in a few minutes) but I will take something to squeeze and I hope that will help (along with the excessive amounts of screaming: see, I either squirm and fight or scream, so they usually choose for me to be still and scream my lungs out - always fun when they wheel me out later to a waiting room full of stunned looking people, and I said, "That's wasn't me, I think it was the woman next door!")
Just letting everyone know that I am back from the oral surgery and the needle to getting passed out when about 4 out of 10 on the "good scale" (new place, new person, the pain of feeling the IV go in after the needle). I only screamed 3 times in full lung (if you exclude my "count-down" screaming from 20. The staff said later that it was "okay" and they had patients who had screamed before....maybe not QUITE that loud or long but it was all okay.
I am posting this now before the super duper dentisty painkillers wear off and lying down for a nap (hey, if I was sedated, doesn't that count as sleep). Apparently I started to wake up during surgery (THANK GOD I don't remember that) but there were able to put me back under again.
Thanks again for all your support and a new blog has been written and will be posted as soon as I get up (perhaps not quite as long or witty as normal - multidays of terror do that to me)
Thanks again!
Whoops, I'm sorry I didn't post here earlier.
Best of wishes on a good recovery from all that, and many sympathies on the needle - I used to sell plasma until I started to develop a phobia of my own, although it's gone now. For a year or so, I'd get panic attacks when I saw one.
I'm not at all dental phobic, but I went in a couple years ago for a cleaning - hadn't been in a while, etc. I found that my youthful efforts using vomiting for weight control, in combination with the tooth-clenching jaw tension side-effect of the medication I'd been taking for years, had certainly taken its toll. Damaged enamel, numerous fractures, etc. The estimate for full repair was $11,000.
All I could do was laugh. A few months later I was flossing, and a chunk of molar fell into the sink. I went to a different dentist, who sanded it down and said, "does it hurt?" I said "no." He said, "come back when it hurts. We'll fix things as they go wrong; no need to do it all at once. He also assured me that flossing didn't cause the tooth to break; it was probably the popcorn stuck between the teeth.
oops, part of my post fell off:
I hope you are feeling better after alla this poking and prodding. Doesn't sound fun at all. You're very brave to schedule the gyno & the dentist on the same day.
Ugh. I feel queasy after reading this. Good luck! I feel for ya!
Lisa: I've love to say that I can see a connection between selling plasma and needle phobia but bummer you got one (did you have to insert plasma bags?). Wait, you're from the states and there people sell blood and plasma from their body - is that what you mean?
Anyway, it is pretty awful, I get panic attacks just being in a room with a "sharps" box.
AlphaBitch: Bummer, bummer bummer about the teeth. I am thankful because a) if you have this little form to say you have a geniune phobia, the province pays for the anesthetist and b) Linda is a government worker so we have GREAT dental coverage (like I can get 1 crown per tooth, per 5 years, for one example - in my case 30-40 teeth I think as one dentist when "Woah, you have a LOT of teeth in here" - I was like, "Well, they all came in by themselves. And they aren't impacted." And he said, "Yeah, that's kinda unusual these days."
As it turns out, when I go get my cleanings, and checkups (which is not as often as I should, in case stuff like, say what just happened happens, I get hassled all the time for my gum recession. So eventually I have to ask, "Would 11 years of being anorexic make any difference with that?" And they give me a long look and go, "Ehhh....yeah, that would make a difference."
I wish it was some sort of fortitude and bravery that made me do both on the same day but in reality the faster I could get the dental extention surgery done, the faster the crown could go on and I can put this behind me; and when I found it was the same day as gyno I thought, "Well, if that doesn't keep my mind off my dental stuff for an hour or two nothing will!"
Gynae followed by dentist?? Dear Lord. I wouldn't need anaesthetics - I'd be passed out all the way through both. Well, I hope it's not too painful...
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