Friday, October 26, 2007

Halloween leaves Elizabeth behind again!

Halloween is here – Boo hoo! While I feel left out, everyone is selling wonderous skull things which I can buy for regular use. I have seen a lovely skull lunch box.

Linda says, “Why should I get you a lunch box, when you DON’T EAT!” (side effect of constant nausea)

I gave her a wistful look and gave a patheticly optimistic “We could go on picnics!” Right. Because November is the month when people think about picnics? Still, I am really hoping it comes with a black thermos with a skull on it (or the “poison” sign!)

Anyway the reason I don’t like Halloween is that I have NEVER been invited to a Halloween party. SUCK!

First it was because my parents were in a religion where Halloween was somehow connected with all things evil starting with orgies (people actually used to believe orgies were BAD) and leading to child sacrifice. So my childhood memory of Halloween was hiding with the rest of our family in the house with the lights turned off listening to the doorbell of small disappointed children.

Then, by the time I was ready to kink out with party outfits I was living the UK. The part I was living in didn’t really go for Halloween and Halloween parties. They did however REALLY enjoy creating effigies of people and setting them on fire (which, with the relish of the small children involved is often MUCH more chilling). This happens five days later than Halloween on Nov. 5th where everyone burns Guy Fawkes for trying to blow up parliament in the Gunpowder Plot. Apparently it is tradition to burn the guy again and again (this year will be the 401st anniversary). Also, for good measure, it is tied into the burning of 17 Protestants (the more to burn the merrier!). In Ottery, Devon there is the burning of the 17 Barrels (odd how it is the same number of burnt Protestants) – it is a big affair where you go around not just lighting a bonfire but filling a barrel with tar and then the tradition is carrying around the barrels WHILE they are burning (it seems some families have carried certain barrels for generations). The barrels burned (in symbolic burning of a human?) in the afternoon are the “boys and women’s barrels” while by night the barrels are 30 kilos (about 75 pounds). So running with the bulls is stupid but carrying around a huge barrel of tar while it is on fire is tradition? Do we have pictures of what happens when you trip?

Anywho, when living in a country where people get really drunk and then set giant bonfires burning some guy from 400+ years ago or get drunk before they CARRY around burning barrels of tar, selling the idea that a few costumes of girls in dark wings is scary doesn't really work. Plus, in my city some of the lads thought it a laugh to shoot off fireworks at EACH OTHER. Woo hoo! Also, burning gays was also a big Cardie tradition (a friend of ours was covered in lighter fluid but escaped; another had burning materials pushed through their mail slot) – that was a good night to stay indoors.

So now I am back in Canada and know....no one. This kinda sucks because I bought my dark angel wings. But I will get use of them later in going to market or flying downhill making meowing noises. This is the advantage of everyone thinking that you are the equivalent of a child once you are in a wheelchair; you can do whatever rebellious teenager thing you didn’t get out of your system before and no one cares. In fact, they admire you (cleavage helps!).

As Sara at Moving Right Along pointed out, Halloween is when people dress up like us; the disabled – yup, cultural affirmation we are someone’s worst nightmare. Actually, I wouldn’t mind getting one of those old wicker wheelchairs to get pushed around in for the night. Do you think I could get a lot of candy, or in some karmic retribution, end up in a neighborhood where families hide in darkness (serious, only about 10% of the houses in my area don't have stairs to get to the doorbell, so I guess karma is already telling me something – but…but…I want my candy corn!).

So remember me as you get drunk and throw off the inhibitions of society for one day a year. AHHHHHH! I want to do that! Oh well, I have the other 364 days to make up for it. Don’t even get me started on Christmas parties (Linda’s employer THE GOVERNMENT, has a Christmas dinner for employees only, no spouses – which is the same policy her employer had in the UK. Wow, years of being designated driver sure is fun!).

In completely unrelated news, I now have a GP. True it is at a homeless drug clinic but I HAVE A GP. So I hope this one is a keeper because I need him to be a bit proactive; like help me with the fact that my hair is already starting to fall out – wow, I always wanted the post-nuclear look. And I think that is a great tie-in back to Halloween and ending up looking like someone’s nightmare. Anyway, I am off to watch cheesy horror films like Wishmaster and Fright Night. Have a fun weekend (and send me Candy Corn)!

9 comments:

Casdok said...

Good to hear you have found a GP. Hope they are good.
As im in the UK it was funny to read what you wrote about what we do here!!!
Hallooween is slowley getting bigger here. But as i am taking C back to school the day before, i will hopefully be asleep!!

Sally said...

Love the black wings, love it all, the dressing up, to play scaring and being scared. Which has a psychological/symbolic meaning - saying to the 'bad spirits' in ourselves or in bogey land - I am not afraid of you. There is unfortunately always that portion of society that uses it to deal with their fear of that 'other' - the disabled.

So, that is what the tar barrels are about, I think: symbolic hero stuff defying the dark that is out there waiting to cause mayhem.
(I hope this is making some sense).

Halloween - All Hallows Eve - the eve - the evening before, All Saints Day. So, the 'bad' before the good.

I'm off to get my brain some strong coffee.

So glad about the GP, and 'praying' (to the universe not 'god') that s/he commits to you and your needs.

Elizabeth McClung said...

Casdok: good luck on the sleep, if it is anything like where we were, there was several straight hours of fireworks and poor dogs going crazy from fireworks.

Sally - honestly, I think it is yet another tradition of men doing something insanely dangerous and stupid becuase....they are men. We can call it facing the inner demon or a rite of passage but at the end of the day it is someone being asked: "Hey, do you want to grab a barrel of tar while it is furiously burning out both ends of the barrel and then put that right behind your cranium....you know, that thing you are supposed to be thinking with?" And they go: "That sounds cool!"

I simply put it next to the North American tradition of Monster Truck Rally's. Why is watching gigantic trucks on really big wheels hitting each other and jumping ramps exciting to almost a sexual level to guys (drinking is a heavy part here too)? Dunno. And quite honestly, glad I don't know.

So sally, what kind of "inner darkness" did you dress up as? If you went to a halloween party?

Sally said...

I had religious nuts for parents and Halloween wasn't part of community life here - so no partying or fancy dress - but now I would want to look fantastic in high boots and a black bustier swathed in black net (and yes I am straight straight straight) and add lightening flashes to my wheels and bat wings to the chair back ... look how you have my fantasy running wild.

In my childhood this time of year, the nights drawing in, misty or a bit frosty, was magical, more noticeable than the coming of spring. Traditionally the loss of the sun, heading towards to solstice, humans just needed to light some fires !

So, then it was Mischief Night (all hallows eve) then Guy Fawkes night on the 5th, which was brilliant !

So now I know what to blog about next !

Zephyr said...

Awww, I would invite you to my Halloween parties and orgies if you were in Vancouver. I'm going to SinCity fetish night tonight - it may very well wind up in an orgy on the dance floor, since I'm now single. Wheee! Hell, I had a threesome on the dance floor a while ago. Security is pretty lax about sex as long as you don't come on the furniture or whip out genitals (liquor license laws). That means lots of lesbian sex anywhere, since fingers are easy to manage!

Sara said...

I AM SO HAPPY that you have a GP. Mazeltov.

Sadly, though, for some reason my computer won't load the image of the black wings. Pout. I totally want to see the black wings. I will try another day. Vagaries of the internet and all that.

Oh, and BTW, you can keep all sorts of things in a skull lunchbox that have nothing to do with lunch. I have a Ganesh lunchbox in which I keep tools because Ganesh, whose father accidentally cut of his head but then made it up to him by replacing it with an elephant's, is the Hindu god of solutions to problems.

Or you could just have a skull lunchbox and let people guess what might be in it...brains maybe?

em said...

You have a GP! I'm probably naive to be this glad for you, but I am.

Halloween doesn't do a thing for me, but I do like eating candy.

kathz said...

Hallowe'en didn't figure when I was little although one year I had read a book about it and we did bobbing for apples and eating sticky buns off string. The big thing was Guy Fawkes and kids used to stand in the street with home-made guys asking for a "penny for the guy" to spend on fireworks. I think fireworks were probably smaller then, though they seemed very splendid.

Actually we didn't really think we were burning Guy Fawkes so much as celebrating him. Blowing up the Houses of Parliament seemed quite a cool idea to little children, who didn't really think about people being hurt but just the big bang it would have made. (Later I had an anarchist badge with a picture of Guy Fawkes and the slogan "the only man to enter parliament with honest intentions".

Hallowe'en is taking over now, although some Christians oppose it and think it dangerous and older people grumble that it's an American import and untraditional - you know how the Brits love to grumble. But I've only been to one Hallowe'en party (a couple of years ago - I dressed as a witch) while I've attended and enjoyed quite a few firework parties with smallish fireworks in people's gardens.

I feel sorry for the animals but I do enjoy the fireworks - and I like a good bonfire too.

I hope you get a really good outfit for Hallowe'en. Despite my preference for fireworks I have acquired two pairs of Hallowe'en earrings. One has glow-in-the-dark skeletons and the other has pumpkins - one has the word "TRICK" and the other says "TREAT". I just hope I have the nerve to wear them.

P.S. Did you ever experience bonfire toffee in the U.K.?

Marla Fauchier Baltes said...

I have only been to a couple Halloween parties and they were not that much fun. Remember, "every day is Halloween" for those unique individuals, like myself. I am glad to hear you have a GP now.