Tuesday, October 16, 2007

My assisted mental breakdown, idiot guys & some goth girls

Sometimes (like in my life), there are so many pressures and so much abuse within a limited framework that it is hard to have any perspective at all. It becomes difficult to not start thinking of these incidents as connected, while in fact, like most acts of evil; human suffering is more often caused by individual apathy, greed, following orders etc, than any combined plan. And the people involved are probably more interested in their weekend plans, TV, an upcoming wine festival and such than the metaphorical grenade they launched into your life.

So I am not going to talk in detail about much of what is because a) While it may have a riveting terror factor for me, I seriously doubt it does for anyone else and b) because several people regularly read this blog in order to find information about me which they can use to their best interest, not necessarily mine.

But I will tell you about Cool Aid Society Victoria, which is privately funded and helps and medically treats street people, drug addicts, those vulnerable in the sex trade and those with such severe mental illness that they are refused treatment anywhere else. The also run several HIV trials – more for the addict population than the gay one. Now, as I mentioned on Friday, after a long discussion with management it was decided I would be accepted “with conditions” because I was merely very ill and no one else would treat me as opposed to being a drug addict, sex trade, etc. I was too “vanilla” for them. Then Doctor A had this weird breakdown regarding birth control pills and his “personality and belief conflict.” But, he assured me, I WAS a patient at the Cool Aid Society of Victoria just not HIS patient but he would refer me to Doctor B. Doctor B said they could “theoretically take me” but had such a large case load everyone decided Doctor C should take me.

Today I get a call from Doctor C. He tells me that he since I don’t particularly fit the model Cool Aid was created for that he feels it would be best if I went to a place called Synergy Health Management which is accepting new patients and was more for ‘people like me.’ And that the waiting room and such at Cool Aid would not be comfortable for me. I pointed out that I had been trying to get a GP to make me a Task 2 home care patient for months without success (meaning home care can give your medication, apply cold packs when I overheat and give me oxygen - all requiring a doctor's instruction to the home care company) and Doctor A, who turned me down, still managed the calls and the paperwork to get it done in FOUR HOURS. I also told Doctor C about the HIV trials that I knew were currently ongoing at Cool Aid and thus I was not the only potentially terminal chronic patient. We did a little verbal dance and he agreed to see me next week. I made him laugh when he asked who my specialist where and I told him some and then said; “And my heart specialist is GOD.....no, wait, I think it is Dr. Novak, it is just that sometimes He and God get confused on who is who.” (and your likihood of getting either on the phone to speak to you is about the same)

I got off the phone and I called Synergy Health Management, whose two doctors who are highly rated have moved down from Terrace, BC. They rejected me about a month ago, telling me there was no point in getting a first visit to see them. After being on hold (and hung up on) repeatedly, I talked to the administrator today telling her I was referred to them by Cool Aid and I had talked to Synergy a month ago. I told her I would need a GP for home care instruction, disability application and such. She said that Synergy was looking for new “healthy” patients, like families and people who might get the cold. I confirmed, “So, you don’t want any terminal care patients with paperwork?” She said yes.

I called Cool Aid back, left a message for doctor C to let him know I did call Synergy again and what they said, I added that Synergy would be happy to receive any referrals from Cool Aid of essentially healthy patients or young families who might get colds and such. “How silly!” the Cool Aid administrator said, “Why would they think we could send them that, we don’t treat those types of people here.” Ah, yes. How silly indeed!

Ironically, a (imaginary) patient who had a mental health problem which made them so angry at doctors all they could think about is strapping a bomb to their chest when going for yet another draining and (as yet) useless first visit would be the ideal candidate for Cool Aid. I did not have this particular mental health issue when I started looking for a GP, however, I believe the way VIHA and the system here operates, Cool Aid should have faith in their ability to drive me into a serious mentally ill state.

Oh, as you see, I have gone on a bit, and that was but an hour or two of my rather exasperating life. I wish to think now on other things. Which for this minute is looking at goth girls, and lesbians and both. Sort of my version of “here are a few of my favorite things.” To amuse you between staring at the pictures I will tell you two anecdotes for today. The first was my taxi driver who was male and about 28 and we talked a bit until he said, “I just don’t understand it, you are pretty and intelligent and funny, how can YOU be in a wheelchair.” Once I choked that one down, I actually tried to explain that neuro conditions aren’t something you order like lingerie or collect (like skulls). He just said, “But, when you talk, you are really funny, and it is clear you are intelligent, from all the stuff you say, how can YOU be in a wheelchair.” I kinda left it at that, I am sure if I blinked my eyes a lot and said “gosh golly” I probably could have gotten the taxi ride free, I just couldn’t figure out how, without a pickaxe, to get into this guys head that being in a wheelchair doesn’t mean you are stupid, or that looking obviously different isn’t a requirement either.

My second story was actually some older guy (60’s) who was doing his “I’m going to be so nice to the younger generation” and talking to some people in their 30’s. I rolled by, he did his oozing condescending, “And how are you dear?” I gave him a thumbs up because truth be told I was feeling like crap and nauseous to boot, but I never let people like that know it. So he imitates my thumbs up and starts telling the able bodied people that Winston Churchill had inspired the British People with the thumbs up sign and it had been linked with a plucky spirit ever since.....like me. This was one historical inaccuracy too far and I rolled back to him and did the V sign. He stared blankly. “V” I said. “For Victory.” He stared blankly. “Winston Churchill started the V sign which was synonymous with Victory in order to keep up the spirits of the people which is why in occupied UK, Jersey, they would print one diagonal on one page and the opposite diagonal on the next so when you held it to the light, you would see the V sign and have hope.”

He had an open mouth for a while but returned with full smarm, “That’s right, I forgot that, and I was there. And you little lady, weren’t even born then. Golly, you sure must have an interest in history.” I tried to overlook the fact that he was talking to me like I was 11. I really did. Then he asked what I did. I told him I write. The cheesy smarm came full bore with, “That’s so good, keeping your spirits up. Good for you!” he said it the way someone does with they are about to promise to put the picture you painted in class on the fridge. He put his arm around me, “Good for you!” Luckily I was too weak to do more than give him the reversed V sign (which you make with an upward thrust and is VERY rude in the UK and Europe) and started to wheel away while he was still calling after me, “That’s right, V for Victory my dear, V for Victory!”

As a warning, looking at goth girl images may be mentally damaging as this Daily Mail article indicates. I presume the article was co-written by some Baptist/Evangelical/Fundie type who had too much "Jesus" (which I have ever assumed is the code word for LSD: "I've been feeling the presence of Jesus all day!"). It claims that goth is bad and that Emo is a "dangerous teenage cult", which can be spotted by the bands they listen to (Green Day is now "Dangerous".....they wish!). The article also pushes the idea that Goths are sexually unthreatening and thus worship "boys who look like girls"; "Teenage girls are frightened of manliness." Yeah, because guys taking of t-shirts in summer whether they should or not is definately I thing of the past, NOT! (Oh God, why do you not answer this one simple prayer and stike them down!). In the age which now celebrates the "retroman" revolt from metrosexual, I hardly think we are in worry of "manliness" disappearing anytime soon. And if goth girls are sexually unthreatening, they just aren't doing it right - that's what I tell the old ladies next to me at the Oak Bay Tea Room which I reach to the back of my PVC corset, pull out my knife....and butter the scones.)



Zephyr said...

Mmmmmm, I worship boys who look like girls, but that's because I'm a sick kinky freak, not a suicidal emo. If I ran the world, all men would be forced to wear stockings and heels. It's probably best I don't run the world.

The Gray Epee said...

I fail to see how the 60 year old guy could have been in the UK during WWII.

The Goldfish said...

Somewhere I read - and it was probably bullshit but it was a neat theory - that in ancient China, you only paid your doctor when you were in good health. Anything wrong with you and he wouldn't get paid until he made you well again. I guess if this was the case in Canada, it would explain your trouble...

It is very crap, you have my continued sympathies.

And that was an awful bullshit article, even for the Daily Mail. Femme-fatale a goth word? Byron, a goth? In any case, there's few things sexier than a man who is secure enough in himself to play at dressing up. And there's few things sexier than a woman who is secure enough in herself to subvert femininity into something dark and edgy and entirely on her own terms. Hallejulah, glory to Goth!

Jen said...

I just read an article in New Mobility magazine about MP Stephen Fletcher who's quadriplegic. Apprently when first elected a senator met him while he was touring his parents around. The senator stuck his hands out to shake then realised Mr. Fletcher couldn't so patted him on the head! He also had to prove to alot of people that he had no cognitive deficits despite the wheel chair...

Elizabeth McClung said...

Zephyr: Where you perhaps The Sun King in your past life where at the french court all the men DID wear stockings and high heels (to show off their calfs) - Sadly, most women's fashion has been stolen from guys - from high heels, breeches, lace, ruffles, decorative wigs to go to dances in to corsets and silk clothes - I do think we managed to come up with the bikini.

Gray epee - who am I to question some guy who is already clearly two jacks short a deck; maybe he has a remarkable memory for a feotus?

Goldfish: Yes, I wondered when the daily mail had become Christian Panic Weekly - All hail Goth, besides, it is very good bonding for my home care workers as they always say, "My 16 year old would love that (headband, earrings, purse, etc)"

Jen: Maybe if I have a REALLY tall wheelchair, people will think I am smarter? Also that's why my headbands have spikes - harder to pat me on the head.

Casdok said...

I too have been told i am to pretty and intelegent to have a disbaled son!!!
And i can soo relate to your first para.

Sara said...

"And if goth girls are sexually unthreatening, they just aren't doing it right"

I told my true love that you'd said this, and he laughed and shuddered, and then said "Yeah. Especially the pink ones."

heh heh

I seriously still cannot get my mind around a clinic rejecting patients for being sick, especially in a nation with guaranteed healthcare (unlike mine). This is just so f*cking wrong. I am still shocked that they are legally able to do this, not to mention shocked that they would want to.

nessy said...


wait until you check this website out, it made me laugh too hard. i hope it might fill your soul with boundless joy.

oct. 16th is my b-day, i felt moved to write you and read your moving blogs.

i admire your spirit and take on your situation. good luck with the GP.