Monday, September 10, 2007

Threading, guys who wax their balls and new shoes.

I went this weekend and had my hair cut and had my eyebrows threaded. What is threading? It is like waxing but on speed. Linda did it first and she came out looking shell shocked. “How was it?”

“You know how the most painful part of my leg waxing is the shin?” she said.

I nodded.

“It’s worse than that.” (personally, I think Linda is odd in that her shins hurt more than her bikini line, which means I should probably be making love to her ankles)

They take a twisted thread, hold it in their teeth and then take out whole rows of hairs in one go. At first I was like, “Wow, is Linda a wimp.” But then she started getting into the core of the eyebrow where all the nerves are. OMG! It is like someone spiking 10 nerve endings simultaneously, and then doing that again and again every second. I must have turned totally white because Linda called out, “Try counting.” She does this if she thinks I might faint. Let’s just say that threading is not for people with high sympathetic nervous systems. Good points: It is done in three minutes. Bad points: It is done in three minutes.

The salon workers were saying, “you think that is painful, you should hear the women who get the upper lip done.” Aren’t these people supposed to be PROMOTING it?

Sorry guys who get the “back, crack and sack”, I don’t think threading will work for you. Actually when I heard that guys were getting the “back, crack and sack” waxed (which is back hair, bum hair and ball sack hair), it was the “sack” which caused the most curiosity. I know that women are considered kinda crazy for waxing (or feminist traitors, whichever) but the way guys go on and on about their genitals, how crazy are the ones who have hot wax dripped on them and then ripped off along with all their groin hair? Do they just love wearing speedos or something?

Anyway after that we went shoe shopping for Linda. I am a fan of Sketchers on the basis that a) they are advertised on the back of my shojo manga magazine and b) they fit well. At the store all the Sketchers above size 7.5 were gone, not a size 10 in sight. I asked why. The manager told me that they had a “back to school sale for three weeks.”

“Does that mean the younger female generation has bigger feet?”

The manager concurred. Then we had a debate about why all size 12’s seem to come in B (thin) because you would think that if your foot is size 12 MAYBE it is at least average width as well? At least for most people? In the UK I went to a store called Elephant Feet (which I assumed they named after realizing that if you COULD shop anywhere else but a store which called you an elephant you WOULD – seriously who calls a woman’s shoe store Elephant Feet?). But here in North America I can get size 12’s (that 44 for your Euro folks) easily down in Seattle.

My major gripe is that Mary Jane Flats, particularly the ones made by Demonia (with little skulls on them) are very good for wheelchair use, but are only made up to size 11. So grow younger generation grow! Thanks to them, I can get all my 17 year old clothes from Hot Topic. Of course it is a little embarrassing to get the fliers with your name on it saying “You’re headed back to school, here are some cool notebooks, backpacks and pencil cases!” But you know, I do need a new backpack.....

10 comments:

zara said...

That "making love to her ankles" part just slayed me !

Daniel, the Guy in the Desert said...

I have to admit, I do not understand manwaxing. I just don't get it.
I don't get it much better for women either, but I as I feel I have little say in that matter I let it go.

willowme said...

I wear size ten shoes and I NEVER am able to get them on sale. If I don't get them when they first come in, I'll miss out. Oh well. I LOVE my reality check skechers.

shiva said...

Why does anyone want to remove hair from their bodies?

What is wrong with the human body's natural signal that someone has passed the age of puberty? Do most people within mainstream culture want to look/feel like eternal children? Are we a society of paedophiles?

Give me a monobrowed Frida Kahlo over a leg-waxed supermodel any day ;)

MacDuff said...

About waxing the balls... Getting another part of the body, say, the back waxed is comparatively easy, I should think, as the skin there is usually rather firm. The skin of the scrotum, on the other hand, is very soft and pliable, and the tissue beneath does not present much resistance. Therefore it seems to me that waxing it would be a far more unpleasant experience, not only because of the prolific nerve endings in that area. So, I ask you, WHYYYYY?

Elizabeth McClung said...

Zara: yeah - Now Linda is demanding more extended foot massages.

Daniel: The thing with women is that if you want to wear a swimsuit the cut means you have to do something with the bikini line - so it is social thing - literally built into the clothes. For guys.....? Actually, I think back waxing might be a positive thing.

Willowme: Linda loves her sketchers as well - I actually have a rare pair of size 12 sketcher in black - until they went back to 11's.

Shiva: leg hair is boring and too hard to shave - waxing is quick and if you have neuro damage going from the feet upward, relatively pain free!

MacDuff: No, that's my question - I need some guy to explain the motivation of some other guy on why the waxing thing occurs. I already know it sounds...um, ultra pain and to what purpose?

Anonymous said...

Not to be obscene, but since you asked. Personally, I shave my sac, because my girlfriend doesn't like hair in her mouth when I'm tea-bagging her, but I think this is something mostly that us younger guys do.

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