Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Pain plus Linda gives me 'the look' and I still wanna date!

This was a particularly crud day, which ended with me trying to cheer myself up by telling Linda I was going to go dating next week with another woman. Which wasn’t too surprising since I had woken her up a few days earlier to ask her how she would feel if I started dating again. More on that later.

But after a week of constant pain and loss of function for my right arm, I started this morning at the Physiotherapist. She told me that I have tendonitis in my right shoulder which will take six weeks to heal and that I should not wheel up any hills (right). I asked her about boxing on Thursday but she had this funny face and started laughing. Then she did some laser to my shoulder and told me I had to do this particular position I call the “high beam” – because you pull your shoulders back which throws your breasts into high profile. It is best done with a low cut top and lettering across your boobs “Why look at my face?” Apparently it’s not slutty, but therapeutic and prescribed for me. I negotiated with the PT to ‘fix me’ before the end of the month because I have been looking forward all summer to doing the Breast Cancer 5K. My previous PT said it was impossible for me to do it; I think she might have meant “impossible to do and not damage yourself” which for someone like me is not actually the same phrase. I am doing that 5K.

As the day wore on, I realized the implications of having this bum shoulder. 1) Not able to wheel any distances or uphill 2) Probably shouldn’t be using my wheelchair hand-cycle 3) have to drop out of boxing, which with its three week break means it is has been a month since I have had any human interaction 4) Still in pain 5) Have to have someone push and hold my shoulders down several times a day and 6) have to buy a left handed mouse for the computer. On the upside: high beams.

Oh yeah, plus I have to go to a PT who specializes in Neuro patients and that is $50 a week I don’t have. I say “I” but really that is Linda who has to pay. Nothing like the guilt of someone else having a harder life because I am still alive.

Then the Red Cross sent a letter at noon saying they want some of the equipment they loaned us back (the equipment we can’t afford to buy). Linda spends 1/3 of her earnings on keeping me breathing, mobile and out of pain. Quite honestly, knowing she could get a buy a condo with that money, I can’t really see how I compare – I don’t have equity, or strip lighting or sea views.

Yet somehow by evening I decided that I would spend my bi-week “allowance” by going on dates set up by OKCupid (which I was subscribed to before Zephyr, by the way – it is just I kept getting set up with lesbian necrophiliacs). To make sense of that last sentence, there is Zephyr over in Vancouver who has like four regular sexual partners and STILL goes on first dates. I don’t know where she gets her energy. So I woke up Linda last week at 2 am and asked her if she wanted a “polymophorious relationship?” (probably a late night made-up word)

“What’s that?” She asked groggily.

“I think it means we get to go dating other people: which you do anyway with your starbuck’s dates.”

“Those are ‘work meetings’” she said.

Yeah, I thought to myself, just like she had love e-mails from that Spanish tutor in the UK which she ‘claimed’ was a joke as he was gay.

Anyway, I asked her how she would feel if I asked her for some more money so I can go dating while she is off doing overtime at work. She gave the ‘the look.’

“That’s a no?” She gave me the ‘other’ look. Suck!

I’m just lonely. As I pointed out with her, she doesn’t have to worry since the last guy who was interested in me we threatened with a restraining order (truth!). And since I have some very big trust issues, the likelihood of my allowing someone to touch me is pretty slim. She laughed, agreed, and said no.


I think the dating has stuck in my mind to ward off the prospect of spending six more weeks alone in a house where the only people I see are home care workers. Home care workers have an odd view of the world, the one today talked about working for a ‘young guy” (who is 64!). Plus, to add insult to injury my Recreation PT called me to tell me she is back from vacation and wants to meet next week to ‘plan your activities for the fall.’ I don’t get it – exactly how many meetings do I need to have for her to actually, you know, organize for me to do something or meet someone other than her. Anyway, she doesn’t interest me date wise.

If you want to go on a “play date” or “work meeting” or whatever Linda calls them (what kind of “work meeting” have you heard of where you go on a walk in the woods? Or eat donuts together? Or go to Starbucks? Or out to lunch?) We can go dutch! Here are my basic requirements:

1) Probably female (or a male with minimal ‘creepy’ vibes).
2) Must not say stupid things about people with disabilities or in pain.
3) Advantageous if you don’t PMS the same day as me – unless you are the horny type of PMS gal.
4) Able to have conversation without using cartoon characters as your main source of authority.
5) Know stuff I don’t (I like to learn).
6) Like meeting face to face
7) Find me amusing, but not in that clinical “why hasn’t she been sectioned?” way.
8) Don’t throw stones at small animals or children
9) Don’t bring a shovel when you tell me “I want you to meet my previous sexual partners”
10) Let me listen to you.

I think that is a pretty reasonable list, and if our dates go bad, just remember, I’m sorry; It’s Linda who talks to the lawyers about the restraining orders so please try not to hate me (or send me creepy mail).

Oh yeah, and the day ended with an SCI ‘will to power’ dude putting up some comment claiming that I am ‘not really disabled' becuase i do boxing. Whatever. Can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings.

PS - If you don’t hear from me for a few days, it is because Linda has read this blog and I am in big trouble, or she read the blog and we are doing some hard core....um.....cuddling.


Artistic Soul said...

"polymophorious" - nice. :)

Good luck with your not-date-dates.

Sober @ Sundown said...

I think you've gotten lucky with Linda..... Why don't you ask her out on a date?

Elizabeth McClung said...

Sober: I would but she works late every night so I am toast by the time she gets back - we have intimate encounters as she helps me eat and gives me oxygen....not so romantic. Besides, Linda knows that I'm not amorous for another, just lonely and frustrated.

Artistic: yeah, I even have a starbuck coffee card! - I am so prepared.

Ms. Pet said...

1. I hear you about being at home and not having any human contact. I was like that for about three or four years. Then, I got well enough to get out of the house, feeling better, feeling confident I went out happily and excitedly to make friends....I think I had better self esteeem when I had no human contact! *wink* Although missing the boxing...That's tough. I always wanted to do boxing, but by the time the craze, etc. began I was too ill. My arms are one of my weakest points. I've got chronic tendonitis, almost ten years now, part of the fibro.

How about checking out that "real life," site. LOL I hear alot of PWD get some good sex on there! *grin*

Sorry things are so rough for you now. Seriously, it's no fun home alone with no human contact for weeks at a time, I know. One starts to question, "Am I really alive?"

Daniel, the Guy in the Desert said...

I love criterion #9.

If Linda does peek in on your blog, I hope she takes the latter option and runs with it.

No outside contact would be very difficult for me to handle.

Zephyr said...

I actually only have 2 regular sex partners, though I will soon be adding a couple more, I believe. Then there are a couple of submissive who give me head and let me stick things up their bums...which is sex but somehow not quite sex for me. Yes, I realize I have skewed perceptions of what makes sex, I cop to that. I apologize ahead of time for that; I'm not invalidating that such activities are sex to other people.

All these partners are a recent thing, because I never could have handled it with the crazy migraines.

Anyway...real lesbian necrophiliacs, or people who want necro-roleplay?

I think the word you want is polymorphous, or polymorphous perverse.

Shucks! Too bad Linda didn't go for it, eh?

Zephyr said...

The next time I come to Victoria, I can go on a 'date' with you, if Linda won't come after me with a shotgun.

Elizabeth McClung said...

"Anyway...real lesbian necrophiliacs, or people who want necro-roleplay?" - Thankfully, it never went far enough for me to find out.

"I'm not invalidating that such activities are sex to other people." - I tend toward the other extreme; hand holding as sex, the use of intimate space as sex, foot rubs as sex. Not really worked up to stuffing things up bums as foreplay.

"The next time I come to Victoria, I can go on a 'date' with you, if Linda won't come after me with a shotgun." - I'm up for it either way; actually Linda chasing us with a shotgun would be tres' erotic for me.

Daisy said...

So I woke up Linda last week at 2 am and asked her if she wanted a “polymophorious relationship?”

I want one of these, too!

Zephyr said...

See, you get the perverts that I could deal with. I could do necro-roleplay.

My view of sex is changing, too. Intimacy is sex to me...which is why forcing a guy to give me head and sticking things up his ass isn't always sex. It's not always intimate. It's just...I don't know what it is. Whereas hot-and-heavy making out with a partner and doing the same is definitely sex.

I realize that all of the above can be sex for some; I still haven't figured out where to draw the lines.

Lately, i find myself not caring a lot about orgasms and having my genitals stimulated, though. It's all about exploring and getting to know other people, and sex is not the goal. It's nice, but it's not the goal.

Linda chasing us with a shotgun...yeah, you'd like that.