Saturday, September 29, 2007

The lesbians go to the sex shop: vibrators ahoy!

Looking for a bonding and cheerful event for us this weekend Linda called ahead and found that a local adult toy and sex aid shop was wheelchair accessible on “one floor.” So off we go! Turns out, “one floor” actually meant the 20 feet around the entrance before the stairs into the sunken shop. Well, so much for subtle browsing. The girl there (let’s call her Ana) was pretty cool so within about 15 minutes we had enough sex toys opened up on the counter to drive the two guys shopping there to the complete other end of the building. We were looking for something functional, a toy that could handle solo and partner work and made by a decent company. The problem was the boxes most vibrators were in made it very hard to take the toy seriously. We looked at about five different butterfly vibes only it was hard to focus on the vibrators because the boxes and names were SO trashy.

While I liked the high intensity vibration of the clit stimulator butterfly antenna, did I really want to buy a product called “The Hustler” (pictured) or worse, look like one of the big breasted, I-am-totally-a-porn-star women who was spread (literally) across every other butterfly vibe front cover. Was any pleasure worth the bizarre and perhaps male-fantasy induced look on her face (and long dewy lashes)? I asked Ana there if these particular boxes included a booklet for starting your internet porn business. I don’t know about you, but I don’t shave every single body hair, put on full face and body make-up then get my hair blow dried to country music size just to use my vibrator. She totally agreed on the, um, depiction of women chosen to sell the product (hey company, aren’t you selling this to WOMEN? Where are the natural women using said product?) and talked about some chin strap dildo they had gotten in with a ludicrous name like “Master Penetrator” and how it had to use a styrofoam head for the picture because they couldn’t some big hair/big make-up blondie to manage to make this...um...product look sexy.

Anyway, we looked at the Rabbits, which we sort of wanted since ours limped its way into a weird humming and grinding sound death. But there were so many we soon realized we really wanted to do some research first. The guys in the store had some stuff in their hands and made a move toward the counter. I asked Ana if she wanted to help them but seeing two counter tops full of sex toys and batteries everywhere and off they scampered again. Of course Linda and I were giving each other looks because with the Canadian Dollar AT PAR with the US, we didn’t want to buy a product for $80 that we could get for $30 online; but we did want to get SOMETHING until our imaginary, soon to be made, internet order arrived. Linda it turns out was trying to find something that was good for me, while I was trying to push her toward things I thought she would like. Meanwhile Ana had brought up the Feeldoe, which is the “Dildo made by women for women” (and has a bullet vibrator inside). My first thought was the “women” must be pretty darn expert with big sex toys because the length was SEVERAL inches longer than the average rabbit. And quite honestly, the phrase “Massive Skary!” was going through my head with it sitting, eye level to wheelchair girl, as it hogged up most the counter space. When Ana explained it was the first/only strapless dildo for lesbians, then things made better sense (extra length for using it in different positions). Reviews say that once you have the bulb in place, you can walk around the house swinging your penis so lots of gender bender fun (as with the ridges, one of the ways to masturbate once it is inserted is to actually just play/stoke the “penis” end for your G-spot stimulation). It is supposed to be great for training your Kegel muscles and you can wear it “packing” under jeans for that trip to the lesbian bar. While I appreciated that Ana was showing us lesbian designed toys, Linda and I did an eye look which said; “look it up later online.” Ana said this shop was gay and lesbian friendly which others weren't in town. Which was pretty cool since I can't think most stores get a lot couples, woman and woman in wheelchair, coming in saying "Show us all your vibrators!" and being as friendly and inexhaustively cheerful (and non-pressure selling) as Ana was.

Ana had gotten to the “fun looking” section which is actually a German Company called Fun Factory. This is not to be confused with an actual TOY company for children in the US with the same name. Fun Factory (Germany) make high end silicone products that look friendly and fun to “add” to partner play. They are fun shapes and colours including smiley face bugs and caterpillars. I was initially leery of having a sex toy which looked like I stole it from a children’s “Our Outdoor Friends” activity set. Then Ana showed us the vibrator settings. There was “mmmmmm.....good”, “More......”, and “Ohhhhhhhhh......!!” And then, when you push the button again, it starts to pulsate: literally vibrating and pulsating waves. Now I understood why the florescent animals were smiling (Fun Factory als make a Rabbit type vibrator that is a mermaid – nifty!).

I am not going to say which Fun Factory product we now own but we were glad we went in to talk to Ana. And now we are going to buy everything else on-line. I was going to talk about the rest of the day/week (physiotherapy, degenerating body parts, a indoor climbing instructor recommendations, and racing wheelchairs) but I think we will stick with this good and happy place. Side note: I did get to see the book “The Japanese Art of Seductive Bondage” – sadly it was more about actual tying up people than historical Japanese bondage arts. So to finish, here is this Groove Coverage video She, which is filmed to a 70’s style lesbian and bisexual camp-out (check out that hair and those clothes!). Yes, there is full on woman to woman kissing (and actually a lot more if you watch what happens in the background). At some point the bisexual women go find a man to play with but it is basically raw sexual girl power (and drinking) by the lake, along with a row of women doing standing up pissing that you really have to see (would your life be complete without this image....I think not!). Happy day!

12 comments:

tornwordo said...

I'm trying to wrap my brain around that purple thing. So the bulb part goes where? I don't know if I could deal with having something up my butt like that. But if it's for the front end, you'll have to have pretty strong muscles to keep it there. Or I'm totally clueless on the female anatomy, which, you know, is entirely possible.

Elizabeth McClung said...

The bulb thing goes in the vagina, and will stay there naturally, only once you become excited (wet) do you need to hold it in with your kegel (pelvic core) muscles. This is all (so far) from reading.

kathz said...

Glad you've been having a fun outing - and I hope you're enjoying your purchases.

(Still busy and behind with comments - and still thinking about response on books.)

Donimo said...

Last post I read, you were going into the hospital and now this! What a contrast. That's the chronic lifestyle, eh?

I think getting new sex toys is a great way to beat the winter and chronic illness blues. Making your own stuff can also be an excellent mood brightener: I spent a good deal of time working on a special toy that involved a vacuum pump from Lordco parts!

On a completely different note: do you qualify for the program where you handle the employment of your own home support workers? The ministry used to have a program wherein the client got the money and then employed people themselves. I don't qualify for home support any longer, so I don't know if the deal still exists, but it might be worth checking out.

Elizabeth McClung said...

Kathz: Thanks - If Linda will hand them over I WILL enjoy the purchases.

Domino: Yes, well, in life, you sort of need something to look forward to in the dark and painful times, and I guess for me, right now, that's sex toys.

I don't know what you made exactly with a vacuum pump and parts but just the thought of it scared me (and Linda!). But as long as it works and isn't illegal in most countries right! (Turns out the Hello Kitty vibrator is illegal in Alabama - glad I found that out before my next trip)

My case worker is looking into that grant but told me that my getting home care was against VIHA policy (as they are trying to cut costs while only killing a minimum of people) done by the relief case worker while everyone was on holidays (this is actually what she told me) - so, I can apply for the grant but if I don't get it, they take away all my home care entirely (which right now would be a BAD thing), so she is going to ask covertly without using my name in case they do a review and pull my care just on principle (VIHA sounds like a mix between office politics out of control and the people who make up justification langauge for the US government)/

em said...

Ooh, recommendations. Even though last week my relationship with my woman blew up, it's looking like it might make it now. That makes me very happy.

Also, isn't it nice that Torn has you to explain the purple details.

KateJ said...

I don't know about the vibrators (I really need to do some research!)but I reckon that Ana should get some kind of customer service award. Maybe you can nominate her...

DaisyDeadhead said...

Oh wow Elizabeth, do you know the number of hits you are going to get on this post? Damn, girl, I can't even imagine some of the search terms! :P

Please do a future post, just on that! :D

Lisa Corriveau said...

Ever been to Womyns'Ware in Vancouver? They have a really good selection of Fun Factory toys, one-floor accessible layout, plus the store's owned & run by queer women. No big tit, big hair, 2-inch fingernail porn star packaging...

I wish every city & town had a shopt like Womyns'Ware...

Katja said...

Have you checked out the gPod? http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/multimedia/2007/10/gallery_tokyo_adult_expo?slide=5&slideView=5

cleondann said...

not the lesbians.. but it can possible that they go more than a homosexual women... butterfly vibrator and rabbit sex toy both are become popular from last couple of years..

Ethan Mark said...

what does it realy mean to a women when she is having sex with other women ..