Monday, August 27, 2007

Vagina In-depth plus coma guy makes his move.

Yesterday I had an extended conversation with a nice blonde female pharmacist about what exactly I was putting up my vagina and how far. This is all because I have a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) which for those who haven’t had it is like having chili powder slowly ground into your urethra with a sharp stick while needing to pee all the time. UTI’s are God’s joke to women, just like prostate checks are God’s joke to men. Oh our God is a prankster God.

I had been prescribed Amoxicillin for the UTI and finished the dosing last Monday. Saturday night, guess who pops back up again? At first you try and convince yourself that it isn’t the dread UTI back again, that perhaps Linda accidentally kicked me repeatedly in the groin while I was sleeping, or I dropped a fork into my panties without noticing, and it was gouging my urethra. I checked; no fork. So I went to the emergency drop in Sunday morn where the urine test showed blood and protein and something else (when someone says I have blood in my urine I always miss the rest of the sentence). Since a certain percentage of women who get UTI’s are ones who have repeat performances (me), they make special targeted UTI drugs. I am on Ciprofloxacin. For UTI’s Amoxicillian is like hand grenades, Ciprofloxacin is like carpet bombing. Cipro has a few side effects though – like turning you into a vampire (sun intolerance) and yeast infections. So my doctor told me to pick up Canesten while I was getting my prescription filled. This is where the young blonde female pharmacist comes in.

She wasn’t sure if I should get a yeast infection kit unless I actually had the yeast infection. Then she found out I am already using an anti-fungal cream for this mysterious infection which has resulted in an abscess. So then the question is, How far in am I inserting the cream I am using, and which cream is it? Canesten has one of those LONG insertion applicators I call “Going up the Nile.” I wasn’t going that far back. She thought I was using in on my labia. She started going back in my files and bringing out all the other vaginal insertion products I had used on their medical record system. It was sort of a vaginal version of “This is your life” where I was like, “Oh yeah, I remember that one.” I told her the cream I was using, I put around the urethra too and inside where the abscess was. So then she said, sort of loud, “So you are inserting!”

And I said, “Well a little” and made this open hand gesture angling into my groin, “It’s not like I go up to the elbow or anything.” Anyway, she decided it was enough and if I felt all itchy and yeasty I could come back.

Five minutes later the guy who was in line behind me to talk to the pharmacist catches up with me and wants my phone number. I mean REALLY wants my phone number. He was here to get pain med, he’s in his 20’s and he had been in a coma after a truck accident but other than big old scars, he is fine now. Tells me, that the first thing he wanted to do after waking up from the coma was pee for himself. Or as he put it, “I wanted to hold my penis.” Help yourself dude. Not the most subtle chat up lines before asking for a phone number though. Come to think of it, this is the second guy who was in a coma who has come on really strong to me (Also the second one to start calling me “babe” after about 60 seconds). I must “the type” for coma guys. Either that or he overheard me and thinks that girls who talk about “full vaginal insertion” must be impressed by penis stories.

Oh God, I am getting this whole sexual fantasy role play, “This time you be the pharmacist” thing in my head now. Anyway, it was no go on the phone number so he begged me to give him his. Fine. After being turned down four times for getting my number, do you really think I am going to treasure yours? “Here you go, babe.” he says and hands it over.

You would think that a woman in a wheelchair holding a box for yeast infection treatment would put some guys off: guess not.

That's it; drug taken, sunlight avoided, UTI going away (bomb that sucker, nothing like the smell of scorched UTI in the morning).

Thanks to Tornwordo over at Sticky Crows for inspiring my to expose all after reading his post (aptly named) Anal Update.

12 comments:

kathz said...

It's a great shame that only weirdos try to chat you up when they note your Zuleika Dobson-type charms. The UTI sounds particularly horrid - I hope that this time the drugs work quickly and the pain goes away.

Ruth said...

Loved the fork in your panties line - absolutely describes UTI's dreaded things they are. Ugh.

I'm waiting for a post on Pharmacy Pick Up Lines now.....

Sober @ Sundown said...

I really don't understand men.......

Hope you feel better soon.

Ms. Pet said...

LOL Jesus Grrl! you get more people male and female hitting on you then I've gotten in my whole damn life. *sad look* Guess that makes me a big ole "L." LOL Of course, been in a como, desperate to pee and has a thing for women with yeast infections? "hmmmmm," you can have them!

On a serious note, I've had a little bit of blood in my urine and my doctors were all "we have to watch this seriously, you are to take a pee test every time you come in," because it's supposed to be one of the first signs of kidney problems/failure or something? Uh...Eeeep! I hope that doesn't freak you out, but if it's this recurring and noone has bothered to send you to a kidney specialist or whatever they are called, you might want to get your honey or yourself if your up to it, to start growling at them. *fuss, fuss* LOL

Zephyr said...

Oh my Lord. Where do you find these guys?

Elizabeth McClung said...

Kathz: I think the problem is Zuleika Dobson was only surrounded by GUYS - which never met her standard - maybe the right girl was just a college away. My fever seems to be gone today so drugs working, I think.

Ruth: Linda liked the fork line too - As for pickup lines, the one I tried on the woman was: "I think you may know me, I'm a frequent flier" (bombed) - when she confirmed my year of birth I told her I had to change some info and told her several years later to make me like 8 years younger. She said, "Is that your address?" I was, nope, my new birthday. That got a laugh.

Sober: yeah, me either. And me too.

Ms. Pet - you can have EVERY guy who comes on to me - from the 78 year old who collects airstream trailers and emailed me pictures to my new coma guy.

I am just glad I went into the walk in instead of to Dr. Death (My GP), as they actually did a urine test and then sent it to the lab. Thanks for the concern.

Zephyr - see, they find me. It just goes from, Him: Nice chair. Me: Yeah, you look like you biked here. To: Him: I told them 'I want to hold my penis' Me: 'Errrr..', Him: "So babe, gimme your number so I can call you." - I must have some sort of special pheremone I give off becuase otherwise what? I wheel down the junk food aisle and some guys thinks "I wanna tap that." - you know a guy, get him to explain it to me.

Daniel, the Guy in the Desert said...

You meet the most "interesting" people.



Please tell Sober for me, it's ok, I don't understand women either, but all the lesbians I'm meeting are causing me to rethink my attitudes.

And the bit about the fork in the panties is priceless...

kathz said...

I reckon you've probably right about Zuleika Dobson. Still, she probably got to see the women once all the men were dead. Perhaps at the end she was accompanied on the train for Cambridge ... headed for Girton, of course.

(It's so nice to correspond with someone who picks up such references)

Cooper said...

my daughter just went through a UTI that tracked all the way back to her kidney...they did they whole treatment with Cipro. She too was not a happy camper.

Hey...you never know what will click with some guys...

Please keep a better eye on your untensils from here on in, OK? :>)

tornwordo said...

That tickled me to no end. Hooray!

I don't know how that would make me feel to be a turn on to coma guys.

Another accolade for the fork in the panties bit.

Philip. said...

Far too much girly information in this post for a poor guy like me to take in :-)

This made me whince!! - "it is like having chili powder slowly ground into your urethra with a sharp stick" - OW!!!

A. James said...

Yeast infections are just one of the "Curses" we women have to live with. I will tell you however that I have not personally run across many men who were turned off by it. At least it didn't seem to affect their desire for love making... Life goes on!