Wednesday, August 15, 2007

That's it, I'm outta here!

I am abdicating my life (for a while); if you want it, it’s yours. Just pick up the keys at reception. Having the nightmares every night I can almost handle. As well as the medical system in which there is a distinct feeling that the doctors are playing Foosball and you are the ball.

On Monday I had an interview with a “recreational Physiotherapist.” I think the theory is that she is supposed to help me do things. Dunno. What it turned out to be was a sort of “justify your life” evaluation.

Her: “How many people do you see socially other than your partner in a week.”

Me: “Zero”

Her: “What steps have you taken to change this situation?”

Me: “Well, I volunteered to do free work, but that was turned down. I would go to a church but the churches around here don’t really want us.”

Her: “Surely that’s not true.”

Me: “We’re a lesbian couple....” She stares at me blankly. “The nearest church is Baptist......” She stares at me blankly. “We tried the church down the road and felt lucky to get out while we could.”

Her: “That can’t be true.”

Me: “Your probably right, who’s ever heard of Christians who had problems with gay marriages?”

Her: “What do you do each day to maintain your cognitive ability?”

Me: “Wha?”

Her: “What do you do each day to maintain your cognitive ability?”

Me: “Read? I do that. I have conversations...with myself. I do puzzles.”

Her: “Do you still have initiative?”

Me: “Initiative?”

Her: “The ability to think up and start new projects or ideas.”

Me: “Yes, I know the word. I HAVE ideas, it is just that with the getting up, and the getting dressed and the medical stuff, it takes a few weeks before I can do them.

Her: “Can you give some examples of initiative?”

Me: “Oh my God!”

At the end she told that she was going away on vacation so nothing would be done until the end of September. So, I am sure after six weeks, things will just get jumping. Probably in the same way I have been waiting for “Recreation and Integration” to get me a “buddy” to swim with since April.

Then yesterday I had not so great devotee guy become the stalker guy when a) He followed me in his car then pulled in and blocked curb cut; b) he told me he had been leaving sign/signs with messages for me on telephone poles along routes he knew I traveled c) He asked me at least 5 times for my phone number and wanted to come to my place and d) When I told him I really, really had to leave, he took a picture of me with his cell phone. I called the police who told me that because I never said; “I do not ever want to speak to you again” that I was “encouraging his behavior.” Oh, and that it isn't illegal to take pictures of someone who doesn't want you to (hey, now I'm a celeb!). Okay, YOU get in the wheelchair, YOU have the guy standing a couple inches away from your chair looming over you and then YOU tell the guy who sat at home thinking about you, made a sign on the chance you MIGHT see it and then put it on a telephone pole where he just HAPPENS to remember you wheel by (because he doesn’t watch at all) something that he obviously doesn’t want to hear: that you don’t ever want him to speak to you again. Because these guys don’t go away you know, they just, if they leave you alone, glare at you with this weird “I’m going to get you one day” stare. I know because last years creepo, ‘Dan the man’ is back outside the video store I go. That makes for a real pleasant trip.

Anyway, when I’m not “encouraging” these guys, I am looking forward to tomorrow morning, when I have to do the largest number of blood tests ever. Last time I did 14 or 18 I think. This one is 28-32 tests, so that needle is going to be in me for a long, long time. And I can’t have it done with the people who know how to deal with my needle phobia, because the doctors want to make sure the abnormal results ARE abnormal but doing the tests all over but somewhere else. This lab says on one hand, “We can accommodate you with your extreme phobia” and on the other hand says “You will have to take a number and wait in line when you come. You know, because that’s what people with extreme phobia’s like to do: “Hi, I’m here to be completely covered with spiders from head to toe....oh you want me to sit and wait and think about how awful it is going to be so that I am four times as freaked out when you finally get to me. Sounds great!”

Plus the “social worker” called today who is in charge of something, but I can’t figure out what since everything I asked she said, “I can’t speak to that.” Like; “Why do I have to wait six weeks to find out if I am going to be in any rec programs?” Answer: “I can’t speak to that.” Q: “What about guys who are taking photos of me, any experience with that?” A: “I can’t speak to that.” Q: “The disability resource centre says the staff is ‘on vacation’, who else am I supposed to contact?” A: “I can’t speak to that.”

Wow, if there is ever another phrase I never want to hear again it is “I can’t speak to that.”

So that’s it. I don’t really have much of a plan except some options:

1) Get drunk and wheel off to mountains to live as wheelchair hobo.
2) Get drunk and check into a hotel with my hoard of cash and drink everything in the mini-bar
3) Get drunk and get arrested.
4) Chain myself to a bus for revenge.
5) Other ideas yet to be thought up.

Other than that I have been watching kitty videos. Mostly this white cat who defines “scaredie cat” – she patheticly waves her paw at the camera in vain attempts to scare it off. This action would be more convincing if she wasn’t backing away at the same time. Know how you feel, kitty. Rowr!


kathz said...

That sounds rotten. Could you perhaps get drunk, kidnap a bus and chain it to the devotee/stalker and/or the "recreational physiotherapist? (I'm not entirely sure how you kidnap a bus but some kind of hijack might be feasible.) Actually the stalker and the woman with the questionnaire ought to spend an extended period of time together, whether in a bus, up a mountain, or in a prison cell.

Good luck with all the horrid blood tests - and keep in touch.

Daniel, the Guy in the Desert said...

I hate, hate, hate it when little gov't types talk to me by reading questions off a card.

Are you sure your life isn't a holographic novel, like I've always suspected David Icke's is(JK)?

GayProf said...

Ugh -- You are so picky! You want a church nearby where the congregation won't set you on fire? Don't you think that is a little greedy? You've got to learn to turn those negatives into positives. Why not think of it as your opportunity to play Joan of Arc?

I kid -- I kid.

Seriously, though, have you and Linda considered moving? Maybe a more urban locale would yield better services?

Zephyr said...

Eep! I skipped the part of the post with the giant spider pic. You're a horrible person for posting it.

I asked people why I don't attract devotees and the consensus is that I look like I don't need the help. Apparently, I look tough and independent. I'm a little miffed that I don't attract devotees - I feel so left out! Aren't I nuts?

How come devotees bother the people who aren't open to being with them, and leave me alone?

SallySunshine said...

EEEK! Spider phobia here. and, needles aren't that great either.

You're a braver woman than I.

Also, stalker guys...double eewwwww...

Ms. Pet said...

LOL Re: Initiative

You should have said, "Well, I've been researching getting into the sex trade! does that count!" *grin*

It's such a pain isn't it? All the silly little hoops they make you jump through when we're so exhausted. *sigh* Wish I was over there, I'd be your swim buddy. Actually...What area of Victoria are you in again? Simply curious.

KateJ said...

Unbelievable. The social worker person I mean. Much better off without them, but perhaps you don't have any choice about seeing them. A guy I know, HIV pos, says he's been going through similar stuff with someone from Social Services who knows absolutely nothing at all about HIV, keeps telling him he should be 'involved in the community' and 'meet people.' No actual help to access gay groups, link up with other pos people or anything like that, of course.
I suggest you show your blog to the social worker... it'd educate her, if nothing else.

Cooper said...

Talk about a festival of assholes. Maybe you need to attach a pressurized hose to your chair that shoots corrosive acid for the stalker guy. Maybe then he'd take the hint...what a jerkoff.

Elizabeth McClung said...

Kathz: actually since my father drives a transit bus, I can tell you, they are easier to steal than you might think.

Daniel: I dunno about my life, but I do keep saying to Linda "With this many plot twists, we are going to need some resolution soon"

Gayprof: theoretically we are IN the capital of the province, it just happens to have about 1/15th the population of Vancouver

Zephyr: Take my devotees, you can have them all! I think it is probably more that you look wild and unpredicatable - see, if I could not quite be so nice verbally, I think they would run for the hills - but I'm stupid that way, some guy says, "I've followed you for three blocks" and my mind says "Don't you have a life? Stop trying to borrow mine." but the mouth says, "Oh....that's nice."

Sallysunshine: believe me, if I had a choice, I'd kidnap you and leave you to take the needles in a flash - sadly not an option.

Ms. Pet: nothing tires me out like people with non-elastic brains. Like, I'm sitting here and you need to read questions off a page?

KateJ: Yeah, I think if I showed my blog around there would be a big ole audit - you know, the punitive kind.

Cooper: Yeah, I keep saying it to linda "nothing says 'love' like a stun gun" but she just keeps ignoring my hints.

stacey said...

the interview cracks me up but it's so real! i'd love to find a church where they weren't trying to heal me or send me to hell... by the looks of things i'm sure you know the feeling.