I know previously people have disbelieved my stories about Mr. Ho, my epee coach. Things like how “You so stupid!” was a favorite phrase (translated: I want you to do something else). Yesterday, he saw me in the wheelchair for the second time. The first time his wife had told me “Don’t listen to anything he says.” Okay!
This time he looks at me and says, “Why don’t you get up and walk!?” Followed by, “Are you lazy?” and “You don’t want to sit in a wheelchair all your life do you?”
Wow, and I thought only villains in Dicken’s novels actually were so insensitive. Actually, thinking about it later, I realized that Mr. Ho was treading the path of Jesus and Paul with his more verbally abusive version of “Rise and walk.” However, since Mr. Ho’s higher power is….Mr. Ho. I did not receive a miraculous transformation. Perhaps my faith is weak.
Other strange events in the last 18 hours:
*While on oxygen and unable to talk, a woman coming to the wheelchair, laying her hands on my head and praying out loud.
*Being told that “You need to believe in miracles, You need to believe you will get well.” (Why do no Christians understand how depressing it is when you put those sentences together?)
*Being told that the solution to my medical problems is to…see a psychic (for only $50).
*Being told: “It’s probably a ‘gland’ thing.”
*Having a guy tell me that most guys would rather be hit in the groin than wear a cup (the guy installing my wheelchair bars explaining to me why guys in epee fencing don’t wear cups) – also said that some guys can get kicked/hit in the groin and not react for several hours. I didn’t tell him that made me want to do some experimenting (Ad in paper: “Males needed for impact test, $20”)
*A woman I’ve talked a few times tell me: “I’ve been thinking a lot about disabled people lately. You know, like how people with Down Syndrome just bring out the good in you…” (I cut her off before we got down to my cosmic purpose).
*A different guy telling me about “The Gun Store” in Las Vegas where you can shoot machine guns because “you probably need something like that about now” (Oddly later I asked Linda if we could go on vacation to Las Vegas – from the review site: “Ever feel the need to shoot automatic and semi-automatic weapons after a long night of debauchery while in Las Vegas?... I fired the fully auto M16 and fully auto AK-47 and that was a crapton of fun.")
*Being told (again) by an EMT, “You have no pulse.” (us disabled vampires get that a LOT)
*After six EMT’s come, two male ones recognize me and ask if they can play with my swords while the others are checking me out. They go and hit the ping pong ball a few times. (yes, seriously!)
*With the EMT (ambulance/911) being called even though I indicated strongly they not be called, my least favorite EMT guy, “Mr. Goatee” arrived. While Mr. Sensitive is taking my history and trying to make sure I call “anytime I don’t feel well”, Mr Goatee comes over and says, “If the doctor’s tests are coming back negative, maybe you should take another look at yourself….” (as in “Stop calling us you hypochondriac attention seeking hysterical female”) When I point out that my tests aren’t negative (B12 at PA levels, elevated adrenal function, borderline potassium) he dismisses it. I ask: What does he think it could be? Answer: Fibromyalgia (translation: male assuming a “borderline female thing” which most males don’t believe actual exists).
Well, that’s it, I’m off for two more medical appointments tomorrow. I just have two questions: why is it when six EMT guys show up at your apartment, in five to ten minutes it starts to resemble a “kegger?” and do you know any guys who want to earn $20?
19 hours ago