The fears of expressing your sexual fantasies, that’s my deep topic for today. I’ve been going around to people sites and they all seem to have really intelligent thoughtful blogs, some have even won awards for them, like Arthritic Young Thing on Growing a Thick Skin or Diary of a Goldfish on Bad Language: words that are bad and why they are bad and are they really bad.
So I feel the social pressure; “Beth, be smart, or at least try to look smart.” Except I have been reading manga and watching Deadwood Season three all week while recovering. And all Deadwood taught me was how to speak in reverse clauses, use the word “hooplehead” and see the varied career choices for women: prostitute, drug addicted prostitute, ex-prostitute, madam over prostitutes, ex madam and (if lucky) woman in faux/loveless marriage. So, it’s up to the manga!
Luckily, the manga Genshiken DID produce an interesting conversation about the fears we all have about sharing our sexual desires and turn-ons and how sometimes when you are with someone you have to accept it, even if you don’t “get it”. Genshinken is a Japanese high school club to basically read porn manga’s and play porn computer and console games (Japan is one of the few countries that the US says (apparently without irony), “That country is sex crazy”). Into this group first comes female Ohno who like Yaoi (boy love manga) and cosplay (dressing up sexy in costumes from anime). She is a total Otaku (someone obsessed with manga/anime). Then Saki joins, only because her boyfriend is an Otaku. Suddenly the guys are having to deal with having REAL human female friends and what they might think about their passions. And Saki is having nightmares where her boyfriend decides that as long as he has porn games to play, he doesn’t need her. Plus female member, Ogiue joins but with some real insecurity issues about what people will think about her (As she joins she glares at Ohno and says, “I hate Queers!” Ohno jumps up and shouts back, “No girl hates queers!”) Of course Ogiue is a secret Yaoi manga artist and wants to create a manga to sell at a convention but has issues because basically it puts all her (as she puts it “sick, twisted fantasies on display”).
So this lead to a conversation between Linda and I about what is a turn on for you and why? What gets you aroused, what do you masturbate to? While some guys will tell you WAY more than you want to know, for a lot of females, it is something that isn’t really talked about. For example (this isn’t me), some women like rape or domination fantasies but HATE such things in real life. But, for example, how do you explain to your partner who has been through your ups and downs of sexual abuse counseling that you still get aroused by rape fantasies. Sharing fantasies or arousal can be very vulnerable because so much is politicized about what being aroused by different things means. For example, a female who like Yaoi (male/male romances) is called, in Japan, “fujoshi” which literally means “Rotten Woman.”
Yet western fantasy fiction writer Mercedes Lackey made a big career out of writing Yaoi with a magic twist (the part that put me off was the added bestiality, portraying gay sex as cute as two teddy bears is one thing, but adding in telepathic communication to your horse DURING sex was a big turnoff for me). Yet isn't being with someone, having a partner, mean that there is someone you can trust enough to talk to? Hopefully so.
Nancy Friday was the woman who first really publicized the fantasies of women with Women on Top, a book still confiscated by Canadian Customs. The problem with what excites you is that (once you get over the “how horrible you must be to feel this way” issue), it is hard to believe many/all don’t feel (deep down) the same way you do. “I mean, my God, how sexy is that!”(only to many it isn’t) For example when I picked up A Girl’s Guide to Vampires I thought it was a “how to” book, not a romance from bestseller Katie MacAlister. So when I read the hetero love scenes when the heroine is talking about the massive size of his penis, how when he stands up she is held upright by it along with her body being wracked by his forceful ejaculation; I was literally falling over on the couch laughing. Only later did I realize, “Oh, this isn’t a parody of a romance novel” That yes, big is beautiful and sexy and makes some people horny. Here is a list of the top ten sexual secret fantasies of women
This is pretty much where I am supposed to bring it all together in one intellectual jump. A recent book, The Smart Girl’s Guide to Porn tried, but according to the reviewer, didn’t really succeed. If you have read my blog, you can probably guess some of my ‘ahem’ “interest” like lesbians with guns (fantasy guns, like on anime or the film Aliens – real guns particularly in the hands of real people scare me), or the whole sexual tension in gender bending (The 80’s film Just One of the Guys remains a favorite, particular when clueless Sandra, forcing herself on the male disguised heroine Terry as girlfriend tries to give “him” a blowjob, with the struggle over the zipper. “Don’t be shy,” Sandra insists, “I don’t care how small it is.” referring to the mythical penis. “You’d be surprised” Terry quips). And that’s as far as I’m going to go (remember, I get enough weird emails as it is). I do know that if we could talk about it a bit more and get our collective mental mothers out of our heads, that would probably be a good thing. I’m trying to understand more, and actively tried to get some gay friends to explain anonymous sex and leather bars to me (trying to explain it seemed to freak them out more than me). Sex isn’t a crime. Wanting to be sexy (however that is viewed for you) isn’t a crime. And if I want people to respect the relationship Linda and I have, both as life AND sexual partners, then I want to cast out my own inner demons of judgment about sex and sexual behavior. Because I know from experience that to some women (and I guess really prudish men) “lesbian” is a dirty word. So in turn, I need to neutralize some consensual sex fantasies others may have like infantilism, water sports, BDSM (I almost understand this one), or even public sex.
So, that’s heavy intellegent thinking for me: sexual fantasies. Hey, I tried.
1 day ago