Friday, May 18, 2007

Disney helps me run away from home...again.

At 3 am I poke Linda.

“Wha?”

“Do we have a gas oven?” I ask.

“No. Stop thinking and go to sleep.” She tells me.

The next morning when I wake up all the knives have disappeared. Weird how things like that happen.

My annual midnight approaches and I begin preparing for the yearly “Running away from home.” I’m not sure why I “run away” once a year but I like to blame Disney. Kids in the Disney story hour and films were always running away from home and it seemed a good life choice for them.

Why does Disney have such an influence on my life choices? Well, I didn’t have much other input growing up. I mean there were bible classes, bible lessons, memorizing bible scriptures, bible games, going to a private bible school, reading books about parts of the bible and a few Disney movies and the Disney Story Hour. Considering the things the bible teaches you (IF you don’t like someone, invite them to sleep in your tent then pound a stake through their head; Of if you want to disembowel someone, or swallow them up in an earthquake, set them on fire, kill them with a jawbone of a donkey, kill them while their hair is tangled, chop them up in 12 pieces and send them as messages...I learned all that as a kid). So I think we should all be thankful that Toby Tyler and The Black Hole became more of an influence. For example I learned from The Black Hole that cannibalizing your friends or turning them into faceless zombies is BAD....and while it may work for many years eventually you will be found out.

Back to “running away from home”; a friend asked, “Do you get far.” Well, no, not usually since I tend to run away on the exact same day every year. This year, with the wheelchair, living on an island and needing to sleep every 5-6 hours, it will be especially difficult. I’ll need to get one of those suitcases with wheels and tie it to the back of the chair.

And what do I expect to happen with this annual hoboism? Well, there is the possibility of jail for trespassing; only I think that jail probably won’t be as erotic as either the L-word or lesbian exploitation movies make it seem. I also have a hankering for “shank fights” in the railway yard, except being on an island.....no rail yards. In Disneyvision memories, running away usually meant you either a) met someone like pippi longstocking and had great fun usually riding a horse b) you were picked up by a kind couple who happened to run a circus and taught you the high wire act or c) you were picked up by what appeared a kind couple who were actually bank robbers and through a series of adventures you ended up getting some sort of medal from the police. Of course you could pull the old “family hour” trick of “running away” but actually hiding in the barn/stables/old storage room. None of these really work for me anymore (or in a small apartment). In my “new” fantasy; I am instead picked up by a troupe of lesbian erotic dancers and we tour the province, as they work out how to teach me wheelchair pole dancing and I finally return, rich, muscular in unusual places and oddly flexible in my upper body with a satisfied smile on my face.

I’ll let you know how it turns out.

9 comments:

Wiccachicky said...

I feel like I am always running away - at least mentally, even when I'm not physically...

kathz said...

I always liked Jessica Mitford because she had a running away fund - and used it. I'd like to run away too.

Daniel, the Guy in the Desert said...

I always admire your rigorously quirky logic.
And I, too, doubt that jail is quite as romantic as the movies make it out to be. My correspondence with prisoners bears that out.

Sober @ Sundown said...

Happy rolling......

See you when you return.

Elizabeth McClung said...

This year's annual running away was probably the worst ever - I was not taken to jail, however I was brought home in an ambulance. Plus I didn't have the strength to sit upright or chair transfer anymore; then I had a few systems shut down and fell into a non-infectious fever complete with hallucinations. So, basically, first I have to work on the cybernetic frame to HELP me run away and then run away again.

On a side note, Linda went to retrieve her bike from where I had been found by passing strangers (none of whom offered either a circus OR a pole dancing experience) and the guy said, "She wheeled all the way from there? My God, I can't even walk that far."

GayProf said...

Dr. Reinhardt might have turned his crew into faceless zombies thereby subverting death and the natural order of things, but he was not a cannibal. That's just slander!

KateJ said...

I never liked Disney. It was always too sickly sweet, too American. Fantasia was OK but it's been downhill ever since...
Disney took the quirky and quintessentially English Pooh Bear and turned him into a thoroughly all-American Winnie.
Asa child, my son disliked Disney because they changed his favourite books beyond recognition - 101 Dalmatians being a prime example. He detested Disney to such an extent that offered a trip to Disneyland Paris when he was 10, he refused to go.

belledame222 said...

Pooh Bear was always fairly saccharine, I'm afraid--just ask Dorothy Parker.

--dude, THAT'S who you want on your running away trip. at least for the first half or so, before she turns maudlin.

Jack said...

Great work, keep it up.....

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