Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Brave New World: killer orgasms & womb counts

Greetings fellow Birth Giving Machines or Devices (I prefer BoGMoD for short). That is what Japanese Health Minister called females in a speech last week on Japanese birth rates. I think it has a nifty ring (he classifies women between 15 and 50 as BoGMoD’s), and we could give ourselves numbers: “Hello Birth Giving Machine 72!” I could call and wave.

His speech was on the falling birth rate in Japan and how the number of Birth Giving Machines (and) Devices (known in other parts of the world as “women”) between the ages of 15-50 were fixed and that he asked them in the name of the country to do their best per head. I have to think that Margaret Atwood is supposed to get some credit here, I mean, didn’t he crib some of that speech from The Handmaid’s Tale? When is the last time a country has done a womb count and then urged BoGMoD’s to fill their quotas? Exciting times!

I actually like that Japanese Health Department since Dr. Kunio Kitamura, head of Japanese Family Planning Association came out with an article in the same week which claims that female orgasms, if put through men’s brains, could KILL THEM! Attack of the female orgasm!

"If theta waves are taken as a criterion, the entire brain emits theta waves when women reach an orgasm that are close on 10 times stronger than when men climax. So, if theta waves are an indication of an orgasm's strength, then women experience an orgasm that is physically impossible for men to go through. Putting it a little crudely, if the intensity of a woman's orgasm was played through a man's brain, there's a danger that the shock to his system would kill him. That risk makes it impossible to experiment on a man at the moment."

This article has taken on a life of it’s own in our household. In the early days there were slight misunderstandings like:

Linda: "What were you doing in the bedroom? And why are you smiling?"

Me: "Ohhh.....I just killed three men.....and it felt GOOD. By the way, we need more batteries."

Linda: "You don't understand...the article didn't say every time a woman had an orgasm that a man dies.....oh never mind."

Me: "If you want me, I'll be taking a bath - Hopefully, I'll kill another man while I'm there."

Once Linda sorted me out, the statement continued to stay with me; I wouldmutter while in shops or walking, “...could kill a man!” Dunno, just seems, in the history of human violence that killing a man by sending a female intense orgasm through his brain hardly seems the same level as witch burnings and ritual stonings. I couldn’t stop wondering how many men would sign up if there was an ad:
“Male volunteers wanted to test intensity of female orgasm on male mind. Orgasm may be 10 times more powerful than current male orgasm. Warning; this level of orgasm could be lethal.”
I am thinking this would attract rather than discourage men to apply. I mean, we have, for example, Frat Guys, who do things like see how quickly they can drink enough alcohol to lose consciousness. I have this feeling they would see the sign and go: “Cool, orgasmed to death! High Five!”

Anyway, though the science seems pretty dubious, I am more than willing, if any agency in willing to fund me, to proceed with these tests (Hey Homeland Security – instead of torture, how about breaking down confessions through the power of orgasms?).

Yes, I know this post isn’t very deep or meaningful, but hey, I take my small pleasures (or according to the article, large and powerful pleasures) where I can these days.

3 comments:

Cap'n Dyke said...

Might I be yer most humble assistant in this novel testin'? I bet we could get a hellava grant!

GayProf said...

Huh -- Theta waves, eh? It sounds so Star Trek.

belledame222 said...

bahahahaha excellent