Sunday, January 07, 2007

Lesbian conversations NOT heard on the L-Word

Our household is hit with a loss; which we mourn in different ways:

Linda: Uhh…just so you know, the rabbit (vibrator) doesn’t work right anymore…
Beth: What’s wrong with it?
L: The middle bit doesn’t gyrate anymore, or rather it sometimes does but when it does has a mind of its own.
B: You broke the rabbit?
L: .........
B: When did this happen?
L: Last week, when you were out.
B: You broke my rabbit last week, and you’re telling me now?
L: What “your” rabbit? I thought it was “our” rabbit.
B: It was until you broke it... (suddenly suspicious) Was that why you were talking about ordering a clitoral stimulator?
L: No, that was before I even knew, honest.
B: (grumble)
L: Where is blissbox when you need them (our UK vibrator distributor)
B: We could order it, but we would have to have them send it over here.
L: Which means Canada Customs inspects it. (we are not very confident on Canadian Customs being understanding when it comes to lesbian sexual needs)
B: We’ll look online. (she is caught with sudden panic) Where’s the lipstick? (lipstick vibrator)
L: Oh, it’s in my lingerie drawer.
B: In your drawer? What was all this about “our” versus “mine”?
L: I was cleaning up.
B: Yeah…. “cleaning up.” Oh, you should use that for clitoral stimulation.
L: (perking up) Yeah.
B: I should blog this conversation
L: (breaks into prolonged hysterical laughter) That’ll stop relatives from reading the blog.

For those who are keeping track, the rubber ducky vibrator is JUST FINE, as I used him in the bath yesterday. Can you say “rub-a-dub-dub, two girls in the tub”? I got very, VERY clean.

6 comments:

belledame222 said...

I Love My Ducky kind of disturbs me, tbh. something about the facial expression.

Anonymous said...

Hey, Elizabeth, got a product question for ya: Do you have an opinion of the Hitachi Magic Wand? We've got one on delivery now, mostly as a muscle messager (right!) (No, really) (riiiiiiight!) -- my neck and shoulders can get tied up in knots after fencing and workouts sometimes. I've read that the machine has alternative uses as well. But seems pretty high-powered for that.

(pause)

You know, the question seemed more innocuous in my head before I wrote it. Kinda like asking about fencing blade preferences or investing in a new mask. Now I'm not so sure. ...

(Here's hoping my personal track record as a non-creep is worth some consideration.)

Anonymous said...

FOUND IT! Woo-hooo!... Been looking for this all day. Finally found it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0meRCdnTkA

You're familiar with Mac and Bloo from "Foster's Home?" One of the best cartoons in a loooong time.

Cheese's long, angry, hissing exclamation of "BUUUUNNNNNNIIEEEEESSSS" just really seemed to be appropriate here, as an answer to the question of which vibrator works best.

Gawd, I hope you appreciate this. :)

Sober @ Sundown said...

"What “your” rabbit? I thought it was “our” rabbit.
It was until you broke it... "

That so captures lesbian relationships!

Anonymous said...

Sober: it captures some of the essence of almost any good relationship, regardless of sexual reference. My wife and I exchange comments like that about our pets, toys, videos, cars, whatever.

Wiccachicky said...

Rubber duckie vibrator!?!? I need to own one of those!!