Late at night, unable to sleep, crabby, I think about blogging. These are not good thoughts; dark thoughts about how humans and specifically North American humans have disappointed me...and God (at 3 am, it is easy to start talking for God), and how come morning, they (meaning all you humans out there) are going to GET IT (no, not letter bombs, more like scathing editorials)! But somehow when morning comes, I have regained just enough faith in the potential of every person to make a difference to calm down. So I spend 4-8 hours researching and writing a blog entry to help me feel that while I may seem alone and helpless to change events (like incest, women feeling guilty over masturbating, eating disorders, expectations on female athletes, the treatment of tall women, suicide, etc), maybe if I am an interesting enough writer with my great electronic shout in the unknown called blogging, that perhaps enough people will see and think about the subject and view it a little different and maybe the world will shift .0000000001% toward the better?
Then by about 9 pm, I am so beaten down that I give up on humans ever doing anything other than out of self interest and I lie in bed potting evil thoughts.
The number one resistance I am working to overcome in both myself and hoping to inspire others to overcome, is the fear of caring. It is hard to care, particularly when the news and the internet gives me so many people I could care about. And it is harder to care for any length of time – let’s face it, suffering is boring. Yeah, I might read a blog with someone struggling and I feel a twinge and I want to reach out to them. Three weeks later, I’m thinking, “What, still on this?” It is one thing I respect about AA, that the system is set up to help people care about what happens to other people; to root for people trying to make a difference in their own lives. I could lie and say that I care about everyone, but that’s not true, in fact, sometimes I fear finding another group that I might have to care about. And that’s pretty common I think. Since PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) included more people under their representation (they now are for friends and family of LGBTTTQQI individuals) people often treat the new additions as a joke – "lesbians, gays and all them other letters". My feeling was, okay, why don’t you tell some parent of an intersex child or a transgender child or a questioning child to leave, just to make YOUR life a little simpler. That is, until I realized they actually might. Most parents at PFLAG took years to get their head around caring, genuinely caring and understanding their gay sons and daughters and now they have 5 or 6 NEW identities to care about?
Okay, time to try and focus this ramble. If you read this far than I ask you join me as an exercise buddy – not in jogging or cardio or getting rid of Xmas pounds but in exercising the will to keep trying to reach out in understanding where people are coming from, and caring about what happens to them, as individuals. I am pretty open about how this blog is from a lesbian and female issues viewpoint – yet, somehow, during tough times, I have been given email and other support by people I have never met; many of them straight men and straight women. That amazes me; humans can be really wonderful (that’s what I remind myself in the mornings). Sigh. So does this mean I have to return the favor and try and understand straight men? Is that possible? And if I do, do I get a book tour on Oprah?
I guess that’s about it, just asking you to help me stay in touch with humanity, all of it; to care about it, at least in the mornings.
On that note, thanks to the awareness of Faith at That’s so Queer, I have created a petition to the UK government to try and help out the five volunteer nurses and a doctor currently under the death penalty in Libya for treating HIV infected children. Story goes: nurses and doctor treat HIV infected children; public panic occurs when it becomes known there is a hospital full of HIV infected children; government decides to charge the Bulgarian nurses and doctor treating the children with intentionally infecting them with HIV (though all research from Oxford University to the co-discoverer of AIDS says this scenario is impossible) and sentences them to death. They currently await an appeal. They were tortured for three months to get confessions including electric shocks and rape. It sucks. You can write your congressperson, or if you are in the UK or a commonwealth country (like CANADA), you can sign a petition approved by #10 Downing Street, an official Home Office approved government petition by clicking here. I don’t think nurses and doctors should be put to death for caring; it is not very encouraging to others (and kind of what I think about at 3 am). And if you know any other five minute ways for me to reach out and contribute to making a difference please let me know. Thanks. We all need someone to care sometimes, and right now, I am asking for help because I am struggling with making sense out of making a difference. I'd just like to know that someone else is struggling too.
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5 hours ago
11 comments:
I think that caring doesn't necessarily have to be on a big scale. It could be just connecting with a few individuals and making a difference that way.
It's like the environmental what difference can I make? The problem is so huge! If lots of people do a small thing, it's better than one person doing a large thing.
Sorry, I'm not as coherent about this as you are. Your blog posts are really well researched and thought out, and really well written.
Cheers,
Vic
Me Darlin', ye were one o' two o' th'first people on th'internets that I came t'care about personally.
As far as th'carin' about humans; ye've made a difference in my life, an' no doubt many others. Unfortunately, we're not very vocal about it.
For me, it's nice t'know that ye be there an' that we've shared like histories in so many ways.
I'm here for ye...anytime.
Will be sendin' ye an email soon with a gift only one other blogger has received from Th' Cap'n, eh?
Sorry; I got nothin', dear.
You do what you can do. That's about the size of it.
-Hugs and all that.
Okay, I've been givin' some thought t'this (sat down with me boots toward th'fireplace, fountain tinklin' in me ears, button ale at me elbow, buxomy maiden's head in me lap - all very conducive t'heavy thinkin', don't ye know).
Anyway, it is my belief that humans be built t'care about their fellow humans, but -- an' notice that 'but', th'world was a lot smaller until about 100 years ago.
Sure, ye could read in th'newspaper about awful things that were happenin' in th'world -- if yer newspaper thought it newsworthy, but ye didn't see an' hear worldwide problems with th'depth an' th'quickness that we do in these times.
In th'past, ye worried about th'things an' people closest t'ye an', while ye may have given thought t' th'plight o' others in th'scant news ye received, there was naught ye could do about it personally.
I believe that part o'us that houses th'innate desire t'assist those in peril is overwhelmed in today's world.
That will be all -- for now.
just.keep.writing. that's it. that's all. you have been uniquely gifted in this way, it is your sword and your armour. Because of your gift you will suffer more than most because to write well, you have to ENGAGE. Your blessing and your curse I guess. My contribution is to use my gift...I love people, they are my greatest joy and my greatest heartbreak. But I swear to God I'll spend my life motivating, inspiring, challenging and supporting each one, one by one. it's all i can do. that's it. Many hugs to you E.
Whenever I think there is no hope I try to realize all that has been accomplished and come back to this quote by Calvin Coolidge (of all people):
"Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race."
Speak out, do what you can and be persistent. Persistence is like water washing over a rocky shoreline, after time, even the hardest rock will yield to the water.
Linda said that I started off with an Eeyore paragraph - I was like, "What, you want me to with how I hope everyone gets along - I'm not Pollyanna!"
I was slightly fevered and drugged when I wrote the blog which doesn't mean I don't believe it, its just I may not have actually intended to say it so plainly. So thanks - positive human power will win out!
Vic: Yeah, I think, my new project is going to try and find some frazzled parents to babysit so they can go out - you know, little things - we tried this a few months ago by signing up to Big Sisters - but it turns out that Big Sisters is scared of the sisterhood, if you know what I mean, so no kids for lesbians - at least here.
Cap'n dyke: thanks for the encouragement, I think you touch on what the sociologist morris calls the "village syndrome" - that we are trained to care for those in our "village" and even if we are in a big city, we tend to stop at a village sort of number - so we just ignore the rest: as for me, I don't tend to watch the news simply because I can't take that level of helplessness in other people's suffering.
b.v. brus: what? You aren't going to help me write the book: "Straight men: a how to guide" so we can do the book tour around the talk shows.
Funchilde - observant insight - it is true that to write you have to understand and love your subjects, as emotionally able - which is why there are two blogs I have been sitting on since Oct because I am not yet emotionally able to write them - But I sure envy your freedom in loving people.
Elizabeth - yeah, though quite honestly, having lived in the wilds, knowing that water will eventually make some small indent into a rock after smashing itself against it thousands of times really isn't that encouraging to me - is there an analogy which involves dynamite and a rock?
Wow Elizabeth, your blog has sure focused my thoughts on the huge job of caring in a world of so much pain and suffering. Thanks for providing a very real thing that I could do by being a part of the petition for the doctors & nurses in Libya. Your initiative in doing this has helped me and hopefully those who are sentenced to death.
You want instant change? Sorry, you can't have it. We've grown up with 'instant' everything but human evolution isn't like instant coffee. It takes time, it takes effort, it takes little steps by many people.
You persist in the face of injustice because you have to. Injustice will always exist. It always has. It always will. As long as humans are human, injustice will exist. There is absolutely nothing you can do to stop it. What you can do is fight back with good.
Perhaps you would prefer things to happen faster than water washing over a rock, but therein lies the challenge, yes? The challenge is to continue doing what you think is right even though you won't see the results in your lifetime.
If you're successful, you've managed, in your lifetime, to influence one person to continue the struggle.
We're all the water. The analogy is not literal. It's figurative.
I think the problem with caring - as with most human activity - is that the worthwhile results are often unpredictable and even unknown. Things people say and read can take weeks, months or years to register. But caring for others is, I think, the most important aspect of being human.
On the babysitting question, I reckon the real difficulty is getting someone to care for older children and teenagers, who still need someone to keep an eye on them but want to be independent. Of course, I have a personal stake in that point of view. If you were nearby, I'd be begging you and Linda to look after my two. Come to think of it, I could always put them on a plane ...
Seriously, what on earth do they think you're going to do to children if you babysit them? (unless you were planning to take your epee along)
It just seems like good karma to try and care for people the way that you would like to receive care.
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