I have either good news,bad news or I’m not sure. Due to last night it seems that a) I am pregnant, b) I have a gigantic brain tumor or c) I did something stupid. The problem is I just can’t quite determine which one it might be. Can you help?
Last night, I went epee fencing with Linda. It was pretty empty and after 90 minutes, when Linda quit, after chasing everyone to the end of the strip in terror, there were just two of us left fencing. So William and I did for round after round of 10 point bouts. I was tired, because it had been 3-4 days since I fenced full out but I knew I had the endurance from my training, I just needed to work out all those holiday dinners. After two hours of intense fencing a couple people noticed I was slurring my words. And after two and a half hours I mentioned I was getting that “vomity” feeling, which means that I am likely dehydrated. But, it wasn’t a big thing, I had experienced both dry mouth and nausea before and fenced through it, and based on my body, I felt I could probably go another hour, though with some effort. And yes, I was exuding so much “glow” it was making puddles on the strip. But, like I said, nothing particularly worrisome.
Only during the next bout, I started to have problems keeping balance and found it harder and harder to walk in a straight line. Then, according to Linda (because sometime during the bout, I just remember getting a very “distant” feeling from my body), I stopped, said something about needing “just a minute”, bent over resting my hands on my knees and, after a few seconds, fell to the floor. I couldn’t get up. Linda helped me back on my feet. "I'm ready to fence" I mumbled, but by the time I got that out, they had unhooked me and Linda was helping me over to the drink fountain saying "No!" to me in the tone you use to a dog that has just jumped up on the couch. I tried to lean over to get a drink, missed, hit my head on the top of the water cooler and fell again, collapsing on the floor. When I focused on Linda I asked her, “am I bleeding? Am I bleeding?” I couldn’t feel my either my head or the rest of my body and for some reason, that just didn't seem right.
In the tradition of our club, I heard Mr. Ho order Amanda to fill the gap I had left on the strip, and continue the workout. Meanwhile, I was on the floor in the hallway, and it was a good floor, very cool and close to the ground for those who want to stay collapsed. Linda opened my jacket, got a towel, wet down my face and neck and rolled me over to the water cooler. Good thing she is a trained first aider. In a few minutes, I was able to go outside and then walk the ½ mile home. I felt better and worked another four hours before coming to bed. I really did feel better. The question that really bothered me was....why? Why had this happened?
I talked over the possibilities with Linda:
B: “The answer seems clear, I have....a giant brain tumor.”
L: “It is NOT a brain tumor, just like when you didn’t eat for two days and fainted ALSO wasn’t a brain tumor.”
B: “You never know, those brain tumors are very sly.”
Linda gives Beth the look to say, “This, like the other 50 times you thought it was a brain tumor, ISN’T a brain tumor.” Beth returns a look that says, “One day it might be though!”
B: “Okay, maybe not a brain tumor, but I’ve looked up a lot of the symptoms; nausea, dizziness, fluctuations in stamina and they all say one thing...”
L: “You don’t drink anything all day, go and exercise for two and a half hours and you think its pregnancy?”
B: “Why not?”
L: “Is there something you want to tell me......or maybe someone you want to tell me about?”
B: “No. Nothing like that. Hey, it happened once before in history, if God wanted a REALLY virgin birth....”
Linda rolls her eyes.
B: “I decided, it going to be a C-section.”
Linda rolls her eyes.
Okay, there might be one other explanation, which is heat exhaustion, where your body is unable to keep your body cool enough and dizziness, nausea, loss of balance and all that can occur. What I don’t get is why then? I mean, I wasn’t really pushing my body, I didn’t even wake up as sore as usual this morning. I know I’ve fenced up to three hours without eating all day before, do liquids really matter that much? And why did I fall down this time. I had more endurance, I just couldn’t get to it. Does this mean that I am mortal? Does this mean I have to be one of those people who carries a water bottle around with them? Or says things like, “Give me five minutes, I’m taking a break.” I mean I have been knocked down in epee, and fallen down due to pain, and pulled muscles enough to have to stop fencing but I have never just fallen down like a sack of potatoes during a bout. No, no, no, this can't be happening. What if this means I have to change my work-outs and follow “sensible” advice. Ug!
I’m going with the pregnancy thing until time tells otherwise – sure the likelihood is several tens to hundreds of billions to one, but if I have to choose between one world view where I am just not smart enough to remember to drink 10 ounces of water in 24 hours or another where God has decided to manifest a future divine being inside my body – hello? Definitely going with number 2!
5 hours ago