Saturday, December 30, 2006

Beth epee fencing: is it mortality or divinity?

I have either good news,bad news or I’m not sure. Due to last night it seems that a) I am pregnant, b) I have a gigantic brain tumor or c) I did something stupid. The problem is I just can’t quite determine which one it might be. Can you help?

Last night, I went epee fencing with Linda. It was pretty empty and after 90 minutes, when Linda quit, after chasing everyone to the end of the strip in terror, there were just two of us left fencing. So William and I did for round after round of 10 point bouts. I was tired, because it had been 3-4 days since I fenced full out but I knew I had the endurance from my training, I just needed to work out all those holiday dinners. After two hours of intense fencing a couple people noticed I was slurring my words. And after two and a half hours I mentioned I was getting that “vomity” feeling, which means that I am likely dehydrated. But, it wasn’t a big thing, I had experienced both dry mouth and nausea before and fenced through it, and based on my body, I felt I could probably go another hour, though with some effort. And yes, I was exuding so much “glow” it was making puddles on the strip. But, like I said, nothing particularly worrisome.

Only during the next bout, I started to have problems keeping balance and found it harder and harder to walk in a straight line. Then, according to Linda (because sometime during the bout, I just remember getting a very “distant” feeling from my body), I stopped, said something about needing “just a minute”, bent over resting my hands on my knees and, after a few seconds, fell to the floor. I couldn’t get up. Linda helped me back on my feet. "I'm ready to fence" I mumbled, but by the time I got that out, they had unhooked me and Linda was helping me over to the drink fountain saying "No!" to me in the tone you use to a dog that has just jumped up on the couch. I tried to lean over to get a drink, missed, hit my head on the top of the water cooler and fell again, collapsing on the floor. When I focused on Linda I asked her, “am I bleeding? Am I bleeding?” I couldn’t feel my either my head or the rest of my body and for some reason, that just didn't seem right.

In the tradition of our club, I heard Mr. Ho order Amanda to fill the gap I had left on the strip, and continue the workout. Meanwhile, I was on the floor in the hallway, and it was a good floor, very cool and close to the ground for those who want to stay collapsed. Linda opened my jacket, got a towel, wet down my face and neck and rolled me over to the water cooler. Good thing she is a trained first aider. In a few minutes, I was able to go outside and then walk the ½ mile home. I felt better and worked another four hours before coming to bed. I really did feel better. The question that really bothered me was....why? Why had this happened?

I talked over the possibilities with Linda:

B: “The answer seems clear, I have....a giant brain tumor.”

L: “It is NOT a brain tumor, just like when you didn’t eat for two days and fainted ALSO wasn’t a brain tumor.”

B: “You never know, those brain tumors are very sly.”

Linda gives Beth the look to say, “This, like the other 50 times you thought it was a brain tumor, ISN’T a brain tumor.” Beth returns a look that says, “One day it might be though!”

B: “Okay, maybe not a brain tumor, but I’ve looked up a lot of the symptoms; nausea, dizziness, fluctuations in stamina and they all say one thing...”

L: “What?”

B: “Pregnancy!”

L: “You don’t drink anything all day, go and exercise for two and a half hours and you think its pregnancy?”

B: “Why not?”

L: “Is there something you want to tell me......or maybe someone you want to tell me about?”

B: “No. Nothing like that. Hey, it happened once before in history, if God wanted a REALLY virgin birth....”

Linda rolls her eyes.

B: “I decided, it going to be a C-section.”

Linda rolls her eyes.

Okay, there might be one other explanation, which is heat exhaustion, where your body is unable to keep your body cool enough and dizziness, nausea, loss of balance and all that can occur. What I don’t get is why then? I mean, I wasn’t really pushing my body, I didn’t even wake up as sore as usual this morning. I know I’ve fenced up to three hours without eating all day before, do liquids really matter that much? And why did I fall down this time. I had more endurance, I just couldn’t get to it. Does this mean that I am mortal? Does this mean I have to be one of those people who carries a water bottle around with them? Or says things like, “Give me five minutes, I’m taking a break.” I mean I have been knocked down in epee, and fallen down due to pain, and pulled muscles enough to have to stop fencing but I have never just fallen down like a sack of potatoes during a bout. No, no, no, this can't be happening. What if this means I have to change my work-outs and follow “sensible” advice. Ug!

I’m going with the pregnancy thing until time tells otherwise – sure the likelihood is several tens to hundreds of billions to one, but if I have to choose between one world view where I am just not smart enough to remember to drink 10 ounces of water in 24 hours or another where God has decided to manifest a future divine being inside my body – hello? Definitely going with number 2!

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

When bad things happen to good people, I assume it's because they've sinned and Gawd is punishing them. One need question the issue no further. So simply admit your sin (whatever it was; we don't need to know)and ask forgiveness, and the divinely bestowed vomity diz feelings will pass.

Sinner.

kathz said...

I think Linda might be the one deserving divine attentions on this occasion.

Seriously, it sounds scary. I know moderation isn't your thing, but do take care.

P.S. Before anticipating a virgin birth, think of all those nappies (diapers?) you'd have to change.

Denise said...

I get woozy after not drinking water for two hours. How you can go all day is beyond me! I stumbled upon your blog recetly, and I've really enjoy your commentary.

Elizabeth McClung said...

B.V. Brus - Yes, I confess, I sometimes have unpure thoughts....sometimes for several minutes....wait, let's not go there. So far, no more dizzy.

Kathz - I really do like to think of myself as a moderate person, in that, I don't do think like try to run until I internally bleed like I did when I was younger - that's what surprised me - this is the "new" me - only pushing myself 10% beyond my limits - yes, Linda is way too perfect to be fully human, I'm just lucky I was the first to notice that. (plus God likes her so we get good hotel rooms and stuff like that)

Denise - thanks for the comment and encouragement on commentary, I will pass out less and hopefully write more.

Anonymous said...

Ya know, even though you put 110 percent of yourself into being the best damned fencer you can be, you could probably accomplish the same level of excellence with a 90 percent output. ... And THEN reinvest that extra 20 percent in some other area that will make you happier, healthier, more relaxed, and paradoxically a better fencer.

Mention this to Linda; see what she thinks. We're both INCREDIBLY smart people, after all. Wise beyond our years. While you, on the other hand, keep falling over and hurting yourself. (insert smiley here)

kathz said...

message for Brian - how do I get to read the Big Book of Epee? (I used to enjoy it when you posted regularly but now blogger won't let me on).

funchilde said...

congrats on the bun in the oven!
lmao.

i finally did the 6 weird things meme you tagged me with! you were my first meme tag....awwww.

take care of yourself

Jim said...

Passing out during exercise can be a result of high blood pressure. Of course it can be a lot of things, which is why you should see a doctor, rather than rely on our concerned (but uninformed) comments.

Anonymous said...

re my blog: When they upgraded the system, I activated the "private" toggle. 'Cause I don't really have anything (yet?) that I want to share in public. Sorry.

I'd much rather hover around Elizabeth and offer brilliant-albeit-unsolicited advice and moral support.

Anonymous said...

I think you should name the baby GayProf, no matter what sex it is.

Clearly, it's prolly good that I don't have kids. But I think you'll be a wonderful mother.

Can I have your booze, since you'll have no use for it for awhile?

kathz said...

sorry to use this to reply to Brian - it was just that reaching the barrier to the big book of epee was a bit like being outside the locked gates of a stately home. It's great to read about fencers better than myself (that's almost all fencers, of course.) Glad to see you're still around the blogs, however.