Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Snowed in: Yuri & Girl/Girl action, sex blogs and squirrels

Well Victoria, BC got snowed in yesterday, which usually just produces laugher and joy from the parts of Canada where snow is a season that starts in September and ends in April. Of course Victoria sold any effective snow clearing equipment long ago, probably for greenhouses for the city orchids, so it meant that Linda, working for the government, got a snow day. Odd, I thought having days off when it snowed ended after elementary school.

Of course we got up early anyway and then continued on our original plan to read Rememberance of Things Past by Proust before Christmas (yeah right! I’ve read Swan’s Way a few times before saying, “Fine, you’re a genius, but no more!”). More like we wasted the time like the lazy felines we are.

My blog somehow got linked to a blog about a woman going out with her bisexual friend to find “a lesbian encounter” only to end up in bed with the bisexual friend who promises to leave her boyfriend for her, thus ending the orgasm. The blog is called Girl with a one Track Mind and has been covered by virtually all of the UK press as well as being turned into a book (with a six figure advance). The entire blog involves an anonymous UK female going around having sex (shagging) everyone from ex’s to office delivery people all written in what I presume is a “hustler-confidential” tone like this: “Finally porn gets it right. This is as great as it looks. I rubbed my nipples against hers feeling the throbbing between my legs increase as I did so.” Which is what gets her blog over 1 million hits. Personally, as a woman who has sex with a woman, I tend not to reference my actions to pornography created for heterosexual men – but hey, that’s me. Maybe when she (and many straight couples) have hetero sex, they are thinking about how this is just like (insert hot steamy gay love film here). I dunno. But it did confirm my understanding that the best way to have a successful blog is to a) write about one topic obsessively and b) talk about sex. See, this is where this whole monogamy thing is just getting in the way of my blogging career; that and that I don’t feel the overwhelming need to have the entire population of Manchester between my legs during a 10 year period. Which is why I haven’t been offered a 6 figure contract...as yet. Though, looking at the amount of people who end up at my blog by looking for “beth naked”, “Elizabeth masturbating” and “hello kitty lesbians” – who knows?

What I did do yesterday was a) go to a specialist and b) catch up on my lesbian; girl/girl; yuri anime (no those two things aren’t related). While everything else in the city was closed, my specialist doctor was open and luckily one of the 6 buses running went within a ½ block. Actually how lucky was it? Not so much when you have a doctor’s visit where he uses the words like “biopsy” and “anesthesiologist consult” – but hey, the good news is that this is Canadian medical – so it will be free, and nothing will happen for weeks if not months – for once, thank God for waiting lists.

So on to brighter things, which was my watching the entire 12 episodes (plus extra Xmas episode) of the anime Kashimashi otherwise known as Girl meets Girl. This is probably the best yuri anime I’ve seen since Read or Die or Battle Athletes. Story starts with Hazumu, a boy, in love with a shy girl called Yasuna as well as having a childhood friend, a girl who is a major tomboy called Tomari. Hazumu, having been rejected by Yasuna, goes to the top of the mountain where he likes to collect flowers and is landed on by a spaceship (just go with it) – who reconstructs the person, but ends up female instead of male with female DNA – caught in the arms of Yasuna and Tomari. Everyone seems to accept Hazumu as a female pretty quickly (his/her parents even had a entire female wardrobe “ready”). Because, let’s face it, it was pretty obvious that while Hazumu had a male body earlier, he was really a she anyway (those little clues like promising Tomari he would be her bride when he grew up, or when Yasuna says about him as a boy, “You’re so feminine” his reply is, “that’s okay, everyone says that”). In fact Hazumu thinks the falling starship is a falling star and makes a wish “Oh star, try to help me be masculine” (If you have to PRAY to act like a guy, this might be a clue!).
So starting in episode 2 we have the lesbian/yuri love triangle of Yasuna in love with Hazumu and Tomari in love with Hazuma. One of the pairings come out as a “couple” and start shyly dating while all sorts of longings and secret kisses are going on from the other side – sort of a love/lesbian/angst sandwich all in a high school setting. You can find all of the series on YouTube including the bonus episode (in which Hazumu does end up the bride of....). There are also some lesbian laughs in here, particularly with tomboy Tomari, who has quite the female following, including love letters and declarations of love. At one point, trying to attract Hazumu she asks her mother for a dress – which immediately has her mother calling her father to come home at once, “Tomari wants to look like a girl!” she yells into the phone excitedly!

I’ve also started watching Otome wa Boku ni Koishiteru, which somehow combines the gender bending anime genre with the yuri genre - based on a PS2 game about a boy who must, due to a will, enter an all girls school, and fits in so well that he/she is elected Elder, the school’s representation of pure womanhood. Of course lesbian love occurs everywhere, including finding the history of his/her mother’s female lover. It seems to border on the absurd and mildly perverted, but hey, that should move me toward my 6 figure book contract right?

Unfortunately fencing was cancelled last night, so I ran full tilt into a wall multiple times to simulate fencing aches. With ice covering everything, I am very limited in what lunging I can do in the apartment. Today, I went down to the park to feed the ducks and squirrels. My favorite squirrel, Scatch (named for a scar he got early in life on his back), found me feeding two other squirrels and the three of them sat around me munching on shelled peanuts and letting the shell bits pile up around their feet like guys watching football. Now that it is -7 or so below outside, they are pretty desperate for food and company. And it seems that every squirrel in a 5 block radius sees me as an endless peanut machine since a few days ago, a grey, chasing a black squirrel for two blocks, recognized my voice and stopped to beg for food. “Weren’t you just doing something? Like chasing him” I ask it, pointing to the black squirrel who is waiting 10 feet away, looking between us to try and figure out what is going on.

In the park I was watched by a drunk man who went through three big cans of beer and slurred out, “yaaa gotta bury em” (meaning the peanuts, I guess, or maybe just a mob killer confessing?). I did not strip down naked and have sex with him, nor did I lie in the midst of the field, naked on a fur coat while dusting myself with icing sugar. These actions would probably be more financially beneficial for me, blog wise, but no, I really did go feed the ducks and squirrels on the basis that a) with the short day, no one else can go and b) they are probably hungry.

Thanks to anime, I have learned a new word: Androphobia. One of the character’s has it. It means a phobia of men, but can also translate to an inability to be able to distinguish between different men, and thus not know which are trying to help or hurt you – thus adding to the whole terror factor. I don’t have it, unless you want to hold up the many strange limpet men who try to sexually attach themselves to me as representative of men. To this, I hope to induce a new condition: ElizabethWithBigEpee-Phobia!

See girl with giant overpowered arm and big shiny sword, see men make rude sexual comments, run men run!


Temple of Thought said...

Interesting journal. Yeah, you're right: sex sells. And for the record I am not frightened of a woman with strong arms or an epee.

Zoe said...

Sex always sells.

Elizabeth McClung said...

yeah, sigh! Oh, yeah, it's only one arm that gets freakish strong - the other is simply nicknamed "ballast" - I guess holding a multipound blade for hours a day does it or I don't know but I feel like I have this super power arm that I don't know what to do with.