Tuesday, September 19, 2006

You're bisexual becuase I care: No boys till 18

Asked recently whether I proselytize, I had to answer yes; particularly my “no guys until 18 dating rule.” While I have no children, my heart constantly goes out to these girls I see who are sensitive, caring, perhaps a little too much in love with a dream, hanging around total and complete knuckheads, motorhead, sportsheads, dopehead, insensitive, juvenile and self centered guys.

During one picnic, as I watched these two “girlfriends” get totally dejected as their “boyfriends” raced in, tried to touch them up and make out in an aggressive way before immediately dumping them to throw around a football, I told Linda that regardless of orientation, any daughter we have aren’t dating boys until they turn 18. They can date as many girls as they want but aside from not having to worry about STD’s and unwanted pregnancies, I wouldn’t have to see my daughter come home crying or be taught that she is a second class gender on the hopes that she met the small percentage of mature 15-17 year old guys; you know those few who actually pay more attention to their living breathing girlfriend than they do to their Xbox 360.

Clearly this is a more than slightly biased view, but one I am willing to enforce, because though she may hate me, it’s for her own benefit (and using the same phrase most parents use to send off their gay kids to reparative therapy does have a nice ring). I have spread this idea around several straight parents and while many, after finishing laughing, do see the value of getting their daughter, during those precious years with a nice stable girlfriend, they do not think it would sell well at home. Alas. Needless to say, I have been offering it up on various Christian sites in hopes that Focus on the Family or other Christian organizations like Concerned Women of America will take it up as the perfect solution for not only allowing their daughters to grow to adulthood in a supportive environment where they can take risks and still see themselves as an equal person, but one which avoids the problems of sex that Dobson and friends so loudly moan about. With my program, there is no need for the ABC model (Abstinence, Be Faithful, Use Condoms becomes Accept Bisexual Couples). I would even be willing to write a small parenting booklet “No men till 18: a girl’s guide to healthy bisexual relationships”

Some of the responses I have received (from non-parents have been unusual):

*Guys who claim that by not allowing them to date any girl they want that I am discriminating against them. (Isn't that the point?)

*Someone who pointed out that girls have testosterone as well (okay...and?)

*People who say that if parents forbid dating guys, the girls will lose trust and thus end up with secret drug habits

*Guys who claim they aren’t the problem, that girls are the trouble and are constantly forcing them to have sex (yes, that wasn’t a joke).

*That girls are statistically the ones who break up with guys and break the guys heart.

While I don’t quite understand many of these reasonings, I do hope Dr. Dobson will think about adopting them as advise for parents who have gay children and are thinking about forbidding them to have teenage relationships. I particularly like the one linking forbidding those relationships leading directly to drug addiction. Since no one has tried my teachings as yet, if you decide to adopt the policy “You’re going to be bisexual for your own safety”, please let me know how it works out – particularly if you can get a school interested in the scheme (I have a host of slogans for school banners if they want to contact me like: “Don’t want pregnancy: try same sex dating” or “Same sex couples are happy couples”)


elizabeth said...

I dunno. I'm 30 and still have an overly romanticized expection of relationships. I'd also like to add that my former husband was in his mid 30's and still spent more time with his x-box than me. So - maybe no dating till 30. I say 30.

kathz said...

I've tried this out on my 17-year-old daughter. As she and her boyfriend (also 17) are both gaming enthusiasts, she's not clear what the problem is, though at the moment she has become addicted to The Sims while he plays Advance Wars. (They love playing each other at Zelda and fighting at Super Smash Bros Melee but Monopoly can present problems, unless my daughter wins.) Luckily the boyfriend seems kind and caring - he even lets me stab him with an epee from time to time, although he is mainly a sabreur.

Perhaps you could take your campaign to universities, however. After a rash of prengancies I suggested a course on "Chastity in English Literature" (Comus, Clarissa, etc - so much reading there would be no time for sex) but same-sex relationships would work better, offer more pleasure and could be supported by a good range of literary texts from Katherine Phillips to Jeanette Winterson. Advance on the campuses of the world!

Jim said...

Planning how you will raise kids, is a lot like going to an exotic country for the first time. It is never as you imagine it.

I have three kids. Two girls and the youngest is a boy. ( 23;20 and 18.)

When the girls were young, I told them they could not date until they earned their brown belt in the martial art of their choice.

Just so you will know....that never came close to happening.

If I were Fate Tiger...I would see to it you got a little boy baby. OH! The Irony!

Elizabeth McClung said...

Elizabeth: yes, what is it with guys and x-boxs, how come microsoft knows the best way to attract men - that seems wrong somehow?

Kathz - sure, take it to uni - since there has been a rash of "bi until graduation in UK universities, maybe they should actually start advocating it instead.

Jim: Yes, a terrifying image: me and the man child. Though stats show boys raised by lesbians tend to be more empathetic and see a view point of view of things.

Linda likes your rule about getting a brown belt - then at least she could break bits of him as needed (to escape of course).

Wiccachicky said...

Actually, I'm of the mind that the more you forbid the adolescent to do things, the more they want it. If I ever have kids (wow - did I just write that?), I'd have to set ground rules for dating but I don't think I'd ax one gender all together. Given my experience in high school (ala Mean Girls), I don't know that only dating women at that point would have made me any less broken ... if you get my drift.

Yoga Korunta said...

E & E, I can't imagine looking way from either of you for a damn machine.

E, your hub has a problem. Did he vote for George?

public health nurse (to be) said...

Riddle me this: why would you not have to worry about STDs if your daughter were dating a woman?

PHN (to be) said...

oops, typo in the url

Aqwin said...

I cant quite pin it down, but for some reason this concept seems like a real insult to me.

I am a 15 year old guy and I have a girl friend who I love alot and importantly give alot of attention to.

Your views on teenage romance of the heterogenous nature are to me very biased (which you acknowledge) and even though you acknowledge this you do not seem to remedy your opinion to account for that. This coupled with your belief that there are only a small window of mature 15-17 year old guys out there seems to me to mean that you have given yourself blinders when it comes to looking at young men in general.

With so many male teens out there who play a mature roll in many issues of great importance that might better catch your attention like politics and activism you still somehow have missed how this maturity translates through to the emotional equation.

This belief of keeping a teenage daughter's relationships same sex is just the other side of the spectrum and equally as extreme as anti-gay parenting.

Both types of parental control whether it is same sex or opposite sex only relationships in teenagers is constricting and doesnt allow for the type of freedom of choice that gay activists fight so hard to achieve.

In some ways it is worse then the anti-gay arguments because of its lack of the calling card of tradition and reproduction and instead is just the controlling and unfair impressioning of a parent on her daughters views which is again exactly what gays have sought to overcome.

Anonymous said...

Interesting idea you have there. The problem is that even at 18 many people are immature. Better off making everyone take exams before giving them a dating licence.

But really, pressuring someone who identifies as straight to choose homosexual relationships seem equally as perverse as the more common opposite.

I don't have any kids yet, and I too worry about what the future will have in store for them when I do. But I don't think there are any simple answers to the problem.

Worst of all, forbidding something outright is most likely going to drive kids to do it in secret. Then it ends up completely outside of your control and observation.